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Showing results for tags 'humour'.
Found 11 results
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Week of November 23, 2020 - paragraph 13. Hahah, I am of course kidding - just seems to be a strange wording - compare to Ephesians 5:22 -
Time for round 2 of funny bible themed pictures. Round one can be found here https://jwtalk.net/forums/topic/30212-funny-bible-theme-pictures/ Similar sounding words make big boo boo. Need 2 replacements
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It doesn't have to be Canadian. Today is the official start of winter in the northern hemisphere, let the fun begin. From all the flap about a song "Baby it's Cold Out There" Old Man Winter
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From the UK's Daily Mash: Skrnsson takes gold in Uphill Nordic Skjord 10-02-18 FINLAND’S Rinsu Skrnsson defended his Olympic title last night, taking gold in the 2×4000 Uphill Nordic Skjord. Skrnsson finished the course in a time of 16 hours, 28 seconds and 14 trees, just two-one hundredths of a tree ahead of Swedish rival Grunter Halbordshmardonson. It completed a day of mixed fortunes for the Finns after Hedia Trykkso and Bippi Hylvs were disqualified from the Chamsark Ice Fluting after a flagrant triple byerk. Video replays revealed that when the Bilsu was roasted, Trykkso and Hylvs both had their trumschlack 15mm over the Bilsunterlandergeschaft line. Team captain Smatta Fanishuk said: “The girls have worked on their in-line byuutobarg for four years, only to double skrntarg as soon as the whistle was blown. “But we are delighted for Rinsu. He has been skjording since he was old enough to strap on a pair of kruntterappartongs.” Meanwhile an unpronounceable shadow has been cast over the games after a Norwegian competitor tested positive for moose adrenalin. Asbjorn Aasgjaraaabdye was stripped of his gold after breaking the world record in Endurance Husky Freggling with an incredible average of 8.72 hounds per kilometre. But despite Aasgjaraaabdye-gate the organisers insist the games have got off to a strong start with large audiences attending the Women’s Pjoostal Smerdvig and the much anticipated semi-final of upside down donkeys on ice.
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Came across this article by Samie Hartley, talking about her views of people not interacting with their neighbours like they used to: http://napavalleyregister.com/lifestyles/columnists/samie_hartley/won-t-you-be-my-neighbor/article_d26e22d1-e079-5061-9ef3-00bfe054515c.html I love her sense of humour and her well-written article but especially this bit: Brilliant! That made me chuckle so I thought I'd share with you all.
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From story number 40 in the Bible Stories book if you want to check it out in your own copy. A friend's 8 year old niece looked at the drawing yesterday and asked genuinely: "are they taking a selfie?" I can see her point! Ah the young generation. I just had to share so I made this...
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One of my favourite humorous books is by a chap from the Northeast called Scott Dobson and he wrote a book called "Larn Yersel Geordie" (Teach Yourself Geordie), which is the dialect they speak in the North of England in a town called Newcastle, and other areas around the UK that were mining villages (or next to them). I have attached an extract from the book which recounts the story of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea. If you don't speak Geordie then you'll have no idea what it's on about but if you're familiar with the dialect and culture then you should find this a very funny take on the Biblical account! Enjoy your weekend!
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A note from hell ( superstition at its finest ) Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. PS. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE
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Jack and his wife Sue are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Heineken and puts it into their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks Sue. 'They're on sale, only $15 for 24 cans' Jack replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along Sue picks up a $30 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks Jack. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Heineken and it's half the price,' Jack never knew what hit him. The next thing he heard on the supermarket PA system was: 'Cleanup on aisle 19, we have a husband down.'
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You know you are drinking too much coffee when....... * You answer the door before people knock. * Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. * You ski uphill. * You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. * You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. * You lick your coffeepot clean. * You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. * Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. * You chew on other people's fingernails. * Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." * You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet. * You can jump-start your car without cables. * Cocaine is a downer. * All your kids are named "Joe". * You don't need a hammer to pound nails. * Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." * You don't sweat, you percolate. * You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel. * You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. * You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. * You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. * You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. * You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. * People get dizzy just watching you. * You've worn the finish off your coffee table. * The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. * Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. * Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. * Instant coffee takes too long. * When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." * You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. * Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. * You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. * You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. * You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running. * You can outlast the Energizer bunny. * You short out motion detectors. * You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. * Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. * You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. * You don't tan, you roast. * You can't even remember your second cup. * You help your dog chase its tail.
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Ever have something happen at the Hall that later on you laugh about. On the night of Sept 6-7/13 my wife and I were on security at the Kingdom Hall from midnight to 3 AM. ( roofing to be done on Sat at 7:30 AM) We decided to go early and arrived at 11:30 PM - brother went home early- Hall was unlocked and alarm off so we could use washrooms, have stale donuts and coffee. There was no coffee made so wife made some -then we heard alarm start ticking, lights outside started flashing, then the Alarm went off -at 11:55 PM ( wasn't official start of our shift until midnight ). No code to shut it off and we forgot that with new phone system you had to dial 9 to dial out. Hit the exit button on alarm-which shut off alarm siren only. Drove the 1/2 mile home - phoned COBE - got code went back and entered code. Immediately as I was entering code- our 83 year old former COBE came -he had gotten calls from neighbors and alarm company. We used his personal ID to phone alarm company, so that the police wouldn't come. This is 2nd time this has happened to me- 1st time was 1 1/2 years ago during our interior renovation - fortunately the brother with me had code. Funny thing is - the alarm is Not Supposed to Reset itself if turned off. Our current COBE wondered if I had touched the controller-nope. He said it can't turn itself on - well it did. Welcome to our computerized world. The elder, who my wife & I relieved early, got teased about alarm going off on his shift.
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