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Found 8 results

  1. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/05/us/politics/bob-dole-humor.html?name=styln-bob-dole&region=TOP_BANNER&block=storyline_menu_recirc&action=click&pgtype=Article&variant=0_Control&is_new=false R.I.P Bob Dole In his first campaign for the presidency, in 1980, Mr. Dole joined the pile-on against President Jimmy Carter. “I once called Carter a chicken-fried McGovern,” Mr. Dole said, referring to the former Democratic nominee George McGovern. “And I take that back because I’ve come to respect McGovern.” Much like Mr. McGovern’s 1972 general election campaign, Mr. Dole’s 1980 primary campaign crashed and burned. He won just 607 votes in New Hampshire. The next day, he “slept like a baby,” Mr. Dole said afterward. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk2gTC9_Fd4 After Mr. Leno mentioned research showing that Viagra might cause blindness in rare cases, Mr. Dole emerged to roars of laughter from the audience. “That’s a lot of rubbish, Jay,” he said. “I hate to see this misinformation being spread. I know a little about Viagra, Bob Dole knows a little about Viagra, and my vision is perfect. It’s 20/20. “And,” he said, pointing to Mr. Leno’s band leader, “you ought to know better, Jay Leno.”
  2. Time for a new vehicle funny posts Chevy has problem carrying a spare. Ford carries spare for Chevy owners Ford ready to help Chevy owners
  3. How to give a cat a bath by the dog
  4. I have no idea if their are any young ones here like myself. Hopefully I can get responses from some. It's nice to talk to people my age who are both jw and somewhat young. However age doesn't matter feel free to start a random conversation. Or ask me questions haha.
  5. Over the years I have been writting down all of my favorite quotes said by friends, family, strangers, and so on. I put them in a book called "The Best of Quotes". All quotes are either very funny, clever, or stupid. So if I live to be old, I'll have this to look back on. Here's some of the quotes I have: Friend: "Which complex do you live in?" Me: "Aston Woods" Friend: Oh! That's the one where I don't know where it is." Friend: "I had a dream last night--" Me: "Me too!" Friend: *thumbs down* "Boo! Only me!" Friend: "I had time to go home. DId I menton I was already in my house?" Study talking to toddler son: "We're gonna talk to God. You wanna talk to God?" Toddler: *looks at phone* Friend 1: "I heard of a guy in a motorcycle accident and his head was on one side of the street and his body was on the other." Friend 2: "That's a bad day." Friend: "So the lady asked me which marriage I was, like if it was my first of second. And I said 'my 1st', and she put down a zero. It's my zeroth marriage. I mean, come on, that's not even a word!" Let me hear some of your favorite quotes! Maybe I'll add it to my book! And I'll post more of my quotes as we go along.
  6. So I was reminiscing the other day, and within the files of my brain I somehow pulled out a memory I told maybe one other person EVER. Not that in embarrassed by this or anything. I just never said anything after it all happened. Maybe I was just mad. So I think it's time to share this story of my desperate and very dumb attempt to convince my mom to allow me to cut my hair. Before 2012 I had very long, curly hair. The shortest my mom would let me get it cut was just above the shoulders. One day in my freshmen year of high school I was completely fed up with my stupid long hair and I thought of a very interesting way to get my ideal hair cut. I asked a friend to stick a wad of gum in my hair. Reluctantly, she spat out her gum and meshed it in my hair as high as my ears. And I thought, "Now she HAS to cut my hair!" So at break i called her at work. And off the top of my head I pulled out this story of how the gum got there: "I was walking to class and a group of guys was walking behind me. One tripped and bumped into me, and as they were leaving they were giggling. Then someone pointed out that there was gum in my hair". My mom replied, "Oh no! I bet it was just some nasty prank. Okay, as soon as you get home we'll take care of it." At the time, we lived in South Carolina . . . Famous for home remedies. Mom and I get home and she says, "I talked to the ladies at work and they say if you put peanut butter on it the gum will come right out!" My heart dropped. Not only was I NOT getting my hair cut, I'm allergic to peanut butter (I can touch it, just can't intake it). The smell alone made me want to vomit. And my mom is anything but gentle. She was ripping at my hair with the nasty peanut butter. The pain was ridiculous on top of trying not to toss my cookies. I tried for 2 days to get the smell out of my hair. It would not come out for anything. I'm so happy now that I can cut my hair the way I want it now. Eventually had to stand up to my mom at 21 years old and say I'm going to get my hair cut the way I want. So there's my story. I would love to hear any dumb, I mean creative, things you friends did as kids to get what you want. Or just silly things in general!
  7. REAL-LIFE INSURANCE CLAIMS EDITOR'S NOTE: I don't know whether these entries speak more to our questionable driving skills or our writing skills, but this list has always been one of my favorites. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on the way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. I told the police that I was not injured, but, on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

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