you might be one of Jehovah's Witnesses if...

[feather]

 

you spend days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn’t have a beer.

 

you wash windows for a living and still own five suits.

 

you think nothing of letting your friends stop by your home to use the bathroom.

 

you know the cleanliness of every coffee shop and bathroom for miles around.

 

you don't consider 2-door vehicles useful cars.

 

you go down the aisle at Home Depot where doors are displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.

 

you never buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how long they will last and how comfortable

    they will be while walking residential streets in 95-degree heat.

 

you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title.

 

you think “formal wear” and “civic center” belong in the same sentence.

 

”New Light” is not something in the housewares department.

 

a “tract” has nothing to do with land or farming

 

you know when Nisan 14 of the Jewish calendar lands in the

    Gregorian calendar from year to year, and yet you commonly forget your own birthday.

 

your ”Memorial Day” is not in May.

 

you have a book shelf to fit just 192-page books.

 

you can’t pick up a book or magazine to read without picking up a pen or highlighter too.

 

you think it complimentary to refer to someone as “a study.”

 

you have “get-togethers” rather than “parties.”

 

after one of such “get-togethers” at your home, your house is not a mess and you have more food than when you started.

 

you realize things are getting worse, and you’re thrilled.

 

[GrumpysWife]

I read that before, it is so true.

[MizPeg]

Just gotta love a Witnesses sense of humor!    

[pnutts]

Have a party and end up with more than you started with - Yup-after our Italian Restorante Night last Jan. we have about 6 bottles of wine-not opened ( I don't drink due to being alcohol intolerant ).

 

Now in 3 weeks we are having another 25th anniversary party -this time for my wife's sister & hubby. About 35 Sqeeeezed into our apt.

 

Theme ( restaurant style again -including Maitre'D - moi and waitresses -not moi ) is Elegant Dinning -choice of

APPETIZERS

• Pan-Seared Scallops with crunchy apple salad
• Arancini (Deep fried risotto balls)
• Shrimp Cocktail

SOUP AND SALAD

• Fresh Green Pea Soup
• Mixed Green Salad

MAIN COURSES

• Salmon en Croute – seasoned stuffed salmon wrapped in puff pastry
• Beef Wellington – seasoned beef fillet wrapped in prosciutto and puff pastry 

DESSERTS

• Chocolate Bowl Delight – edible chocolate bowl filled with vanilla or chocolate mousse, topped with fresh berries [Please circle vanilla or chocolate]
• Mixed Fruit with whipped cream

Plus the various wines & mixed drinks

Edited September 7, 2013 by pnutts

[Hermez]

i enjoyed your post sister 

[JudyO]

Have a party and end up with more than you started with - Yup-after our Italian Restorante Night last Jan. we have about 6 bottles of wine-not opened ( I don't drink due to being alcohol intolerant ).

 

Now in 3 weeks we are having another 25th anniversary party -this time for my wife's sister & hubby. About 35 Sqeeeezed into our apt.

 

Theme ( restaurant style again -including Maitre'D - moi and waitresses -not moi ) is Elegant Dinning -choice of

APPETIZERS

• Pan-Seared Scallops with crunchy apple salad
• Arancini (Deep fried risotto balls)
• Shrimp Cocktail

SOUP AND SALAD

• Fresh Green Pea Soup
• Mixed Green Salad

MAIN COURSES

• Salmon en Croute – seasoned stuffed salmon wrapped in puff pastry
• Beef Wellington – seasoned beef fillet wrapped in prosciutto and puff pastry 

DESSERTS

• Chocolate Bowl Delight – edible chocolate bowl filled with vanilla or chocolate mousse, topped with fresh berries [Please circle vanilla or chocolate]
• Mixed Fruit with whipped cream

Plus the various wines & mixed drinks

 

 

YES, PLEASE!  

[LeslieDean]

Yes, I have seen this posted before--maybe somewhere else on the web.  I recall it was by Jeff Foxworthy.  Famous for his "You might be a redneck if..." jokes.  I always thought the one about you might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion looking for a date --was really funny.  I think there is alot of that going on around here...