The Bad Joke thread

[Catalyst]

Jehovah is a happy God.

Laughter is the best medicine

 

Here is a starter

Don't know how far this will go but give it your best...or should I say worst!

 

All the lights suddenly went out in a  movie theater
Everyone was worried about what to do
Someone yelled
"Everyone put your hands up"
So everyone said "OK" and put their hands up
Suddenly the lights came on
How did that happen everyone asked the man
He said "Easy...many hands make light work"

 

C'mon  let's see your best bad jokes!

You know you can do better

[Qapla]

Did you hear about the man who fell into the glass making machine 

 

He made a spectacle of himself 

[Old]

Man on tack is better off!

[Old]

Considering these are Bad Jokes maybe we should rate them. 

Instead of 'Like' maybe we should have 'Boos'. Just fairly bad joke would get one 'Boo', a mediocre would be worth a 'Boo Boo', and a real whopper would get awarded 'Boo, Boo, Boo!' 

[Old]

3 hours ago, Qapla said:

Did you hear about the man who fell into the glass making machine 

 

He made a spectacle of himself 

Boo!

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, Old said:

Considering these are Bad Jokes maybe we should rate them. 

Instead of 'Like' maybe we should have 'Boos'. Just fairly bad joke would get one 'Boo', a mediocre would be worth a 'Boo Boo', and a real whopper would get awarded 'Boo, Boo, Boo!' 

Do you have a boo boo?

[Old]

3 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

Do you have a boo boo?

Not yet, waiting for at least a Boo!

[Omoyeme]

Yes, these are bad jokes but they are so bad, you cannot help but laugh! 

[nanceebgd46]

        "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"

 

 

        "You can't tuna fish."

[Old]

16 hours ago, nanceebgd46 said:

        "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"

 

 

        "You can't tuna fish."

Boo! Boo!

[Tortuga]

9 minutes ago, Old said:

Boo! Boo!

We need a 'Boo' emoticon....

[Alexa]

Where can you find Singapore today?

Between, Singathree and Singafive.

[Old]

 

Sister Alexa, that is worth three Boos easily! Very bad joke.

[kejedo]

Just wanted to let all know that I had a terrible accident yesterday, but I am doing better now. I decided to go horseback riding (which I haven't done in years).  Well, we started out slow, and then we went a little faster and then we were going as fast as the horse could do. All of a sudden I fell off and caught my foot in the stirrup and the horse was dragging me around in a circle. It wouldn't stop. If it weren't for a quick thinking man (to whom I owe my life,) I would probably not have made it. Thanks going out to the store manager at Wal Mart who came out and unplugged the machine.
 

[Sheep]

Puns, for the educated mind...

 

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

[Alexa]

10 and 11 can be also seen in 'punography' thread (?)... 

[Tortuga]

9 minutes ago, Sheep said:

Puns, for the educated mind...

[Omoyeme]

Those were a good pick-me-up!  

[walkr2]

If any of you know Mississippi, there is a city called Tupelo! You may ask: Where is Tupelo? Answer: Near Onebelow!  Well, I tried a bad/worse/boo/boo. 

[Hammerhead]

One day the devil comes up thru the floor of a church screaming and raising all kinds of racket. Everyone screams and runs out of the church with the exception of one little old man. So satan runs across the top of the pews and stops right in front of the old man with an evil hiss. He asks the old man why he didnt get scared and run away...the reply? "Im married to your sister" said the old man

Sent from my GT-N8013 using Tapatalk

[Old]

Bad!

[kejedo]

I lived in Maine for twenty years and frequently had to defrost two below honey, with a nod to Van Morrison.

[bohemian]

Our local pharmacy has started selling Russian Olympic kit.

[Tortuga]

26 minutes ago, bohemian said:

Our local pharmacy has started selling Russian Olympic kit.

Legally?

[Catalyst]

Snail to a slug:  I  always use shell. How about you?