Puns

[Friends just call me Ross]

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 

[And_Ray]

Knock knock!
- who's there?
Obama.
-Obama who?
Obamyself

Sent from my WAS-LX1 using Tapatalk

[New World Explorer]

5 hours ago, Friends just call me Ross said:

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

LOL ...

[Tortuga]

Which fast food restaurant has the shiniest corn?

 

Colonel Sanders...

[daydream]

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed

[Tortuga]

On 7/12/2019 at 5:47 PM, Tortuga said:

Which fast food restaurant has the shiniest corn?

 

Colonel Sanders...

The American pronunciation of Colonel is Kernel. Corn kernel sander...

[Loopy]

On 7/12/2019 at 8:47 PM, Tortuga said:

Which fast food restaurant has the shiniest corn?

 

Colonel Sanders...

 

As Red Skelton used to say: “I didn’t get it either.” Or “it takes a while.”

 

1 hour ago, Tortuga said:

The American pronunciation of Colonel is Kernel. Corn kernel sander...

 

Got it now. 😁

[Catalyst]

Life for the Israelites in the wilderness was intense

 

 

[Catalyst]

When Abraham was asked by his neighbors why and when he was leaving he said

”Well, ur today, gone tomorrow”

 

[thegreenjudy]

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.

 

 

Who was the biggest financial wizard in the Bible?

Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

 

How long did Cain hate his brother?

As long as he was Abel.

[daydream]

GYM KITTY

Q: What did the gym coach say to the cat?

A: Have you paid your annual fleas?

https://www.rd.com/jokes/cat-puns/

Edited December 12, 2019 by M'Awan

[Tortuga]

Just now, M'Awan said:

GYM KITTY

Q: What did the gym coach say to the cat?

A: Have you paid your annual fleas?

https://www.rd.com/jokes/cat-puns/

Is that a flea from Babylon the Great? 

[daydream]

  Didn't use Frontline, eh?

[daydream]

[Old]

I just came across an old favoriteof mine:

 

 The gum-chewing girl,

 And the cud-chewing cow

 Are somewhat alike,

Yet different somehow.

And what is that difference?

I think I know now,

It's the intelligent look, 

On the face of the cow.

[daydream]

 

Ya, Very intelligent indeed!

Edited January 26, 2020 by M'Awan

[Tortuga]

I think chalkboards are remarkable....

[Tortuga]

20 hours ago, Bro Richard said:

I think chalkboards are remarkable....

Re-mark-able......

[Tortuga]

[Qapla]

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

BTW - I only used the "confused" emoji for the face it has - since we don't have a "eyeroll" react emoji

Edited February 2, 2020 by Qapla

[Qapla]

[Vinnie]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

Spoiler

so they can hide in cherry trees.

 

Spoiler

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

 

No?

 

Spoiler

well then,  it must work pretty good then!

 

Edited February 11, 2020 by Vinnie

[Qapla]

And here I thought it was so they could hide in Strawberry patches ... I have never seen any in the u-pick strawberry patches around here

[EccentricM]

Only a real Brummie would get this.

 

When Noah heard the rain falling he said to his family; "ark!"

[daydream]

A Comprehensive Guide to Brummie Slang

Quote

Ark at that – listen to that!