Do you believe in soul mate? Did God intend people to find soul mates?

[Hotteok]

Or did God just put random people all over the Earth and arrange them to meet each other randomly and fall in love randomly?

Because it seems, some people seem to really click well with one another and such love seems to last for... quite a long time, like, their lifetime. 

Does someone have a special, genetic power to attract you for some unknown scientific reasons? 

Hence, do you believe in love at first sight? 

 

[Alexa]

"I don't believe in soul mates, Landon" - What is True Love?

[Qapla]

So many idea in one question ...

• Soul Mate
• Random selection
• Love at First Sight
• Love lasting a "long time"
• Genetics

They are not all the same thing - at least, to me, they are not.

 

I will tackle this one first "Love at First Sight" ... No, I do not believe in this. Attraction, yes. But love takes a while to develop.

[well]

If you mean that a person just click into each another so well randomly and never has any conflict, then I don't believe it... It's too good to be true, and it's only found in fiction... 

 

But, I do believe some couples who built their marriage for many years, they tried to fix problems, and they succeed, so yes finally they are soul mate for each other... It should come with effort... 

Edited April 13, 2019 by ivy

[Bek]

"Love at first sight" is an ancient Greek concept., which was later picked up and used in European literature. In our times, it has further been popularised in films and general culture.

 

Do I believe in that kind of love? No, but people can sometimes get strongly attracted to the opposite sex at first sight. In my experience, it is mostly men who fall for the looks.  

 

Incidentally, the Greek word for passionate love between man and woman - eros - is not mentioned in the Bible. As you know, it has all the other three kinds of love - storge, philia and agape, but not eros. So we can assume that God's idea of love between man and woman is not eros, but something that involves more than physical or sexual passions. 

 

As for soul mates, I think it is possible to learn to become each other's soul mates, meaning that you have some kind of intimate lifelong bonds with someone. The concept itself again has origins in ancient Greece. I think it was Plato who came up with the idea in one of his works. 

 

    

 

 

[Qapla]

Generally, as far as I understand, the expression "Soul Mate" is meant to convey the idea that there is one-and-only-one person you are meant to be with - and you have located that one individual - and it should work without much effort because "you were made for each other"

 

This is not an idea I subscribe to ...

[Naturale]

It is only possible to be attracted at first sight.  When the person speaks then you may or may not still be attracted anymore or when you observe how they behave etc. then you can go off them in an instant.   When you are younger that instant attraction is more important than when you are older.  When you are older you look for depth and a mental connection etc.  Someone can become so much more attractive when they are kind and genuine for example.  

 

[Thesauron]

Soulmates? No. And people are not destines for one another. Even arranged marriages can work, if both are willing to work on making the marriage a success.An initial physical attraction might help, but is not a necessity. I’m thinking about a text from “Fiddler on the Roof”, where Jewish Tevye is having a conversation with his wife:

(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."
Do you love me?

(Golde)
You're a fool

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)
Golde, The first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
I was scared

(Golde)
I was shy

(Tevye)
I was nervous

(Golde)
So was I

(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?

(Golde)
I'm your wife

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)
Then you love me?

(Golde)
I suppose I do

(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too

(Both)
It doesn't change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know

[Beggar for the Spirit]

The idea of "Soul mates" involves belief in a form of destiny or fate.

Some people who were convinced that they were truly soul mates and married each other, now years later view themselves instead as trapped "Cell mates". This false idea appeals to many in the world as it romanticizes destiny/fate. 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Beggar for the Spirit

[Cushi]

No, I don’t believe in the whole soul mate thing. That would imply that there’s only 1 person for everybody in the world and that others of the opposite sex couldn’t possibly be their soul mate. If that were true then that would mean that for every person who dies, one person in the world loses their soul mate. Some people said they found their soul mate when they married the first time, only to get married a second time to their “soul mate”. I believe Jehovah made such a variety of personality and physical traits in people that everyone would eventually find someone for them. 

There’s no such thing as love at first sight. That’s called lust.

[DarinS]

Couple good articles on our website.....

[Katty]

I think some people are much more suited to each other than others, and not even a little. I can range brothers in the order of "If I were married to him, I would kill myself" to "Being with him is so wonderful because this person understands and gets me better than anyone else, and I understand and get him better than anyone else." Fortunately, I have found as close to the latter as it gets. I'm understanding now what it means to find someone right for you: I think the person who is right for any given person, is the person who not only shares common interests, ideas, and, most importantly, sense of humor (because if you can't laugh together, how are you going to deal with life together? Maybe it's just my opinion), but also the person who is going to put in the effort to understand you and understand why you are the way you are. Someone doesn't have to be like you to understand you. It wouldn't be possible anyway, as men and women are rather different, in general. On the other hand, a perfect complement may not exist either. I think, in relationships in general, you're going to have ways you're alike and ways you're completely different, but what matters is how you deal with differences. I always said that I wanted to find the person whose flaws I could put up with the best; I think I've found that. Even David's flaws help me grow, if that makes any sense. So, do I believe in a soul mate? Not in the absolute sense, but I do think there is a person best suited for you.

I think that Jehovah does want us all to find that person. It's just that in this system of things, it's not always possible or may take longer than it would otherwise, because of financial, geographical, mental health, cultural or an array of other limitations to how many eligible people you can meet or even if you can pursue a relationship if you did. I don't think this is what Jehovah originally intended. I can't say for sure that if Adam had not sinned, everyone would be married, but also don't see why not everyone would. It was God's purpose for people to fill the earth and subdue it, so it seems reasonable that pretty much everyone would be paired up until the earth was filled, at least. It also seems reasonable that everyone would be with the person best suited for them who was available. Sometimes, those who are married in this system aren't married to the best person for them or even a good person for them because some people married too young or for the wrong reasons or left Jehovah and married an unbeliever. There would be nothing like that in the paradise.

Will everyone single find the person best suited for them in the new system? If it's their desire, the Bible tells us they all will because of the Psalm that says "Jehovah is opening his hand and satisfying the desire of every living thing." We won't have the limitations we have in the new system that we have now, so it can be easily opened for people still unmarried, then, to find someone. Also, we cannot say for sure, yet, if the resurrected will marry or not. If they do marry, then it will be another set of opportunities opened to those who waited and never found anyone suitable.

Edited April 14, 2019 by Katty

[Alexa]

In another side, I would ask if what does it mean as a "soul mate". I know some who believe it ties with life after death as spirits. But spirits don't marry or attracted to each other like humans do. And only those 144,000 have a privilege to serve with Jesus as anointed spirits. Random selection, love at first sight, etc. will fall to what Jeremiah foretold "heart is more treacherous than anything else who can get to know it?"

[Qapla]

9 minutes ago, Katty said:

So, do I believe in a soul mate? Not in the absolute sense, but I do think there is a person best suited for you.

 

I think I understated what you mean ... but, to clarify from my point of view:

 

I was born in Pennsylvania, then we moved to Illinois, then we moved to Florida where I have lived for nearly 60 years.

 

I have been married for 38 years and we get along just fine. I am glad that I have the wife I do. So, I guess i found the right one for me.

 

That said - had we never left Pennsylvania I am sure I would have probably found someone there who would have been the "right one" - I would not have had to travel to Florida to meet "the right one"

 

Likewise, had we stayed in Illinois, most likely my wife would be someone from that area, not the one I married from Florida - again, she would have been "the right one"

 

But, since I live in Florida and I met my wife in Florida and we still live in Florida - my wife is "the right one for me"

 

So, there is no "one person" who is "right" for any of us. There are many who could be "right" for any of us. Time, location and opportunity play a roll in who we meet and common sense and following Jehovah's guidelines helps us to pick the "right one" out of those we have met - as long as we don't let lust (love at first sight) direct our choice

[Ferb]

My understanding is that technically the idea of soul mates refers to the greek idea that males and females originated when some greek god, in one of their characteristic temper tantrums, split all the souls in the world in half, male and female, dooming everyone to wander the world looking for their other half, their soul mate, before they could be content again.  Obviously none of us accept that.

 

As for the idea that, for whatever reason, there's just one person for everyone, I think that was covered pretty well in this XKCD column.

 

What about there being just one person who's ideal for you, even if there's other people you could meet and settle for?  As the old Young People Ask book put it, "no such 'perfect mate' exists, for 'all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God'".  (I haven't checked if you still find that in the new version.)  Not only can no imperfect person be perfect for you, but I don't think any 'best' person for you out of everybody possible can be defined.  We like to think that we can always decide something is 'the best' out of a group because it helps us decide things, but sometimes there isn't anything that's the best.  You can reasonably assume a partial ordering of how well suited people are for you, but that doesn't mean anyone in the poset is 'the best'.  What we can say is that once we've married, they are then best for us, because it is best to stay within Jehovah's arrangement than to put apart what God has yoked together.

 

Regarding things mentioned more specifically in the original question, I don't know the situation in Korea, but observations here make it clear that such methods of finding love are not particularly likely to last.  Which is what one would expect - if your love for someone is based on a feeling you can't define, arising from just some sort of genetic compatibility, it's fairly likely you'll be able to find someone else with that sort of compatibility - and when you're having difficulties later on, and it will be easier to go to someone else with that same compatibility than to work through your difficulties.  To be determined to work through any problems requires a love based on principles, ideally biblical ones, but at least principle rather than solely emotion.

 

The only way the idea of a soul mate would make sense to me is this:  Suppose you had a time machine and went forward in time, saw who you were happily married to in the future, and returned.  Maybe it's in the new system, someone who was resurrected from biblical times, someone who hasn't been born yet, someone who you've never met, or someone who isn't in the truth yet - none of those factors matter once you know that in the future, you will be married to them - you could reasonably think of them as your 'soul mate', in a sense.  But for that to match the way the phrase is commonly used, people would have to be able to sense who such a person was (that is, without a time machine).  Some things about quantum theory hint at the idea of the future affecting the present, but usually only things like the path of photons, nothing so large scale as a human being as far as we know. So I guess we just have to figure things out by spending time together instead. 🙂

[Bek]

On 4/13/2019 at 7:34 PM, NobleEndeavours said:

Or did God just put random people all over the Earth and arrange them to meet each other randomly and fall in love randomly?

 

 

We have two pagan Greek concepts: "love at first sight" and "soul mate". Plus, if things are not random, then we would also get another pagan concept, predestination. 

 

How can we apply these ideas to a Christian way of life? I don't think we can. 

 

You effortlessly fall in "love" with someone in an instant just by looking at her/him who is predestined to be your match. Sounds like superficial fantastical stuff from a Hollywood propaganda film.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Katty]

12 hours ago, Qapla said:

 

I think I understated what you mean ... but, to clarify from my point of view:

 

I was born in Pennsylvania, then we moved to Illinois, then we moved to Florida where I have lived for nearly 60 years.

 

I have been married for 38 years and we get along just fine. I am glad that I have the wife I do. So, I guess i found the right one for me.

 

That said - had we never left Pennsylvania I am sure I would have probably found someone there who would have been the "right one" - I would not have had to travel to Florida to meet "the right one"

 

Likewise, had we stayed in Illinois, most likely my wife would be someone from that area, not the one I married from Florida - again, she would have been "the right one"

 

But, since I live in Florida and I met my wife in Florida and we still live in Florida - my wife is "the right one for me"

 

So, there is no "one person" who is "right" for any of us. There are many who could be "right" for any of us. Time, location and opportunity play a roll in who we meet and common sense and following Jehovah's guidelines helps us to pick the "right one" out of those we have met - as long as we don't let lust (love at first sight) direct our choice

Very true. I don't think there's a definitive best person.
I think that some people are much better for each other than others, but even if, theoretically, there's someone better for you out there than the one you're with, you likely can't imagine that person being a better option, because once people spend time together and grow attached, then that person becomes the best person. It doesn't seem like any amount of common interests or compatible traits could ever match up to the deep attachment that comes with spending years with the person you're with.

[Beggar for the Spirit]

7 hours ago, Ferb said:

My understanding is that technically the idea of soul mates refers to the greek idea that males and females originated when some greek god, in one of their characteristic temper tantrums, split all the souls in the world in half, male and female, dooming everyone to wander the world looking for their other half, their soul mate, before they could be content again.  Obviously none of us accept that.

Thanks David for sharing the origin of the pagan philosophy for "soul mates", I appreciated that. 

7 hours ago, Ferb said:

  As the old Young People Ask book put it, "no such 'perfect mate' exists, for 'all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God'".  (I haven't checked if you still find that in the new version.)  her instead. 🙂

And here are some similar statements that relate to what you mentioned:

Quote

*** w05 3/1 p. 13 par. 12 Marriage Can Succeed in Today’s World ***
Of course, you need to be realistic. If you want to get married, know that you will never find a perfect mate. But, then, the person you eventually marry will not have found a perfect mate either!—Luke 6:41.
 

*** w83 6/1 p. 17 par. 22 Keep Your Marriage Honorable ***
The perfect mate does not exist. Satisfaction can be attained by learning to accept differences and to put up with minor weaknesses. (Colossians 3:13)

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Beggar for the Spirit

[Hope]

Young sister in car group on Saturday asked how possible is it to meet someone you "click" with, if we believed everyone could?  Car group consisted of her and another sister both around same age (early 20s, never married), a single brother 40 (widowed) and me (ancient, never married). 

 

I said it's more of a challenge in the Truth because it takes more than simply being a fellow Witness to be someone you could be happy with.  In the world, if you have particular interests, it's a simple matter to go to or do those things (art museum, music venues, dance classes, hiking/biking/travel clubs, etc) and reasonably expect to find someone who likes to do what you do and go from there.  It's much more challenging to find spiritually suitable, mature JWs who ALSO like to do what you do, connect with you on an intellectual, humor, experience, expanded spiritual level... there are not many social activities that we do that don't involve our own congregations.  Who has time to run around to every congregation/assembly/convention and collect phone numbers and interview them all???   As Witnesses, we are pretty limited.  In a good way -- but still.. 

 

IMO, it's as difficult to find even a good running buddy as it is to find someone who could be a potential mate in the Truth.  Putting aside the myth of "soul mate", how you find someone you genuinely "like" is sort of a lightning strike of miracle. I like what @Katty said about, if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned, it would be much easier.  Since EVERYONE we meet would have already passed the, "do you serve/love Jehovah" requirement, focus could be more on if you "click/connect" in ways that truly tickle your fancy and excite your soul.   

[Bek]

22 minutes ago, Hope said:

  It's much more challenging to find spiritually suitable, mature JWs who ALSO like to do what you do, connect with you on an intellectual, humor, experience, expanded spiritual level... there are not many social activities that we do that don't involve our own congregations.  Who has time to run around to every congregation/assembly/convention and collect phone numbers and interview them all???   As Witnesses, we are pretty limited.  In a good way -- but still.. 

 

 

I think if someone really wanted to find a wife running around and looking for one at other congregations/assemblies etc is still a good option. At least in my home country or even the region. There are not really many congregations. I guess it would take you two or three months to go through them.

 

Sisters are definitely limited because they cannot go around doing the same as brothers probably, depending on the culture, they would be seen as too forward, which might be seen as not very feminine. Personally, I would be put off by a sister who came looking for me.  

Edited April 15, 2019 by Bek

[Cushi]

If Jehovah arranged for us to have “soul mates” he would be engaging in predestination, and we know from our study of the Bible that Jehovah gives us the free will to make choices in life.

[Hope]

1 hour ago, Bek said:

 

I think if someone really wanted to find a wife running around and looking for one at other congregations/assemblies etc is still a good option. At least in my home country or even the region. There are not really many congregations. I guess it would take you two or three months to go through them.

 

Sisters are definitely limited because they cannot go around doing the same as brothers probably, depending on the culture, they would be seen as too forward, which might be seen as not very feminine. Personally, I would be put off by a sister who came looking for me.  

In our general region (alone - not speaking of the rest of the state, country or world), if a brother visited a different congregation for every meeting (eight different congregations a month), he probably wouldn't get back to his own congregation - where hopefully he actually had some mature, brotherly responsibilities and not simply a seat warmer - for probably four or five months.  But by then, he'd practically be irregular and probably be regarded as rather flaky.. a player. 😕  Of course, he'd need time to properly interview the sisters and cultivate some sort of conversational quality to discover if she's all he wants her to be and vice versa.

 

You are 100% correct on the bolded part... probably within any JW culture, since sisters are meant to be submissive and not forward.  So... we have to wait to be looked for.  And since qualifications to be a proper head are even more serious than those needed to be a proper wife, along with fewer numbers, that greatly reduces sisters' chances of having such a fine brother look for and choose her.  And finding that "One" that you actually really like, too???  *PIZZZOWWWW* - random lightning strike, one in a million situation there.

 

It's awesome for those who get hit, though   

 

 

[Bek]

5 hours ago, Hope said:

In our general region (alone - not speaking of the rest of the state, country or world), if a brother visited a different congregation for every meeting (eight different congregations a month), he probably wouldn't get back to his own congregation - where hopefully he actually had some mature, brotherly responsibilities and not simply a seat warmer - for probably four or five months.  But by then, he'd practically be irregular and probably be regarded as rather flaky.. a player. 😕  Of course, he'd need time to properly interview the sisters and cultivate some sort of conversational quality to discover if she's all he wants her to be and vice versa.

 

A brother could choose different meeting times at other congs and still attend his own cong meetings. 

 

In my view, choosing a wife is one of the most important decisions/events in one's life. So making a hard effort in that regard and probably having whatever inconveniences there are for a few months as a result would be worth it. 

 

Two years ago, we had two travelling brothers arrive from Europe in my home country. I don't know whether they were simply enjoying their travels or looking for a wife, but one of them liked a sister in our cong and he stayed for a few months with us effectively becoming part of the cong. Now they are happily married.  

 

 

[daydream]

7 hours ago, Bek said:

 

 

I think if someone really wanted to find a wife running around and looking for one at other congregations/assemblies etc is still a good option. 

 

 

 

In my small country where 60 % of the inhabitants are Muslims, there is only a small number of Witnesses so what many sisters did a few decades ago was to go looking for husbands in the West. The brothers have compiled a book whereby prospective brides could flick through to choose suitable mates. Nowadays with the advent of the internet, many just browse online. Easy peasy. 

To top it off, a lot of migrants (Indonesians, Myanmareses etc) have flooded the country and the local brothers have a lot of options. 

The Myanmar congregation have grown by leaps and bounds. We are seeing exotic couples in our local congregations. To say nothing about their gorgeous offspring. The gene pool has grown substantially. 

[Bek]

7 hours ago, MikkiSoo said:

In my small country where 60 % of the inhabitants are Muslims, there is only a small number of Witnesses so what many sisters did a few decades ago was to go looking for husbands in the West. The brothers have compiled a book whereby prospective brides could flick through to choose suitable mates. Nowadays with the advent of the internet, many just browse online. Easy peasy. 

To top it off, a lot of migrants (Indonesians, Myanmareses etc) have flooded the country and the local brothers have a lot of options. 

The Myanmar congregation have grown by leaps and bounds. We are seeing exotic couples in our local congregations. To say nothing about their gorgeous offspring. The gene pool has grown substantially. 

That's very interesting. The sisters were quite inventive. I guess if there was a JW matching agency, sisters could have more options without being seen as too forward .  

 

As for searching online, it is true that there are many options, but there are also many dangers. 

 

I have found two articles on Wikipedia about the origins of the two pagan Greek mythological/philosophical concepts under discussion. I think you may find them quite enlightening:

 

Love at first sight 

https://bit.ly/2Xg3ujS

 

Soul mate

https://bit.ly/2hmfDlj

 

Edited April 16, 2019 by Bek