Proper Usage of Words

[robert_elv]

Asking Right Questions..

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?" The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

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For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday; ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

[Greenfield]

Good ones!

[robert_elv]

Another One.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history..'

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are you good at history? what is your answer?

[GrumpysWife]

Another One.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history..'

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are you good at history? what is your answer?

Last one.........That is funny.

[LindaL.]

Robert, you're such a lot of fun! Is there any way you could be "cloned" so that we could have one of you in each congregation?

On the subject of detecting mental deficiencies, here's a little story someone sent me:

It doesn’t hurt to take a look at yourself….

It doesn’t hurt to take a look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental health institution, a visitor asked the director what criterium was used to define whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bath tub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bath tub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor, “a normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No” said the director, “a normal person would pull the plug.” Do you want a bed near the window?”

Did you pass or do you want the bed next to mine?

[robert_elv]

Robert, you're such a lot of fun! Is there any way you could be "cloned" so that we could have one of you in each congregation?

I am available for "cloning" because I like to be in each congregation. Thanks for the privelege.

Did you pass or do you want the bed next to mine?

how many beds are vacant... there will be many more............lol

[robert_elv]

Here is another one.

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied,

"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, shoohh..-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, shooohh..-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention sisters: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Brothers..... think about the subject-name of this topic....and if you did not get the "end" I will let you know.