Jokes

[tagyourit33]

There was a religious cowboy and while he was fixing a fence,some how he lost his Bible. Two weeks later, here comes a cow with a Bible in its mouth. The Cowboy takes the Bible from the cow and looks to the Heavens and declares...".its a Miracle":.

The cow says, "Not really, your name was written inside the cover">

[tagyourit33]

Adam and Cain were going for a walk and as they past the Garden of Eden, Cain says..."Look Dad, that place over there is so cool!!!. Adam says "yes my son, I know, we used to live there. Cain says oh dad, lets go back there it looks so nice. Adam says well son its like this we can't because...your Mother ate us out of house and home.

[gloreeoreo]

after adam and eve had been together for awhile, adam was talking to God and saying "the woman is so industrious, she keeps everything neat and clean and everything in its place. why did you make her like that?" and God said, "so that you would love her, my son". later he says, "she is so beautiful, everything about her is lovely to look at...why did you make her like that, Jehovah?" and Jehovah says, "so that you would love her my son." later adam says " but she is kinda ditsy and not very bright and sometimes seems like a dumb blond. why did you make her like that?" and Jehovah said, " so that she would love YOU, my son"!

[tagyourit33]

Good one Gloria )'>

Did you know that there isn't going to be any milk in the New World?

The Bible says that there will be utter destruction.

[gloreeoreo]

LOL...i like that one, never heard it before!!

[Brother_Bliss]

The cow says, "Not really, your name was written inside the cover"

This one had me make one of those loud hardy chuckles! Funny! I wasn't expecting that.

[Brother_Bliss]

why did you make her like that?" and Jehovah said, " so that she would love YOU, my son"!

Har har har!

Did you know that there isn't going to be any milk in the New World?

The Bible says that there will be utter destruction.

[aPeacefulButterfly]

Why did Moses waunder in the wilderness for 40 years?

Because even back then Men wouldn't stop and ask for directions........

[tagyourit33]

Good one La Rhonda...along those lines...

Does anyone know how old Moses was when he entered into the ark?

[aPeacefulButterfly]

Moses wasn't born yet....it was his ancestor Noah that went into the Ark....but I don't know how old he was either......

[gloreeoreo]

just a little trivia...noah died at 950 yrs, only 2 yrs before abraham was born...and noah's father died only 5 yrs before the Flood.

[tagyourit33]

Gloria, I really enjoy trivia, that is amazing when you think of it......

Ready for the answer?

[gloreeoreo]

was he a baby?

[aPeacefulButterfly]

noah's father died only 5 yrs before the Flood.

Well, then.......that means Noahs Father knew about and probably helped build the Ark. What about that.

Thats pretty cool stuff to know. I"m going to have to write that down in my bible!

Thanks!

[gloreeoreo]

i've always wondered about that. Insight book says he had faith in God, but there doesn't seem to be any record of him helping build the Ark. my guess is perhaps he was too old by then.

[tagyourit33]

Moses was only 3 months old when he entered the ark.

It is recorded for us in Exodus 2:3

"When she was no longer able to conceal him, she then took for him an ark of papyrus and coated it with bitumen and pitch and put the child in it and put it among the reeds by the bank of the River Nile."

I really appreciated all the comments made on this thread, we have some real deep thinkers on this site. Thanks so much for the encouragement.

[aPeacefulButterfly]

Hey, Teresa....you're the real "Smarty Pants"....LOL.....(Just Kidding)

[Micah]

Back in the Garden of Eden, Adam was walking around. He noticed all the animals having a mate. Adam began to wonder, "What will it take for me to have one?" Then he prayed, "Oh Jehovah, I would like to have a mate. I want someone who will answer to my every beck and call. I want someone who will cook, clean, take care of my offsprings all while I work and sleep. I want someone who will get me a beer and not complain once! How much will this cost?" Then Jehovah answered Adam, "Adam... my son... Your request would be a challenge even for myself. However, it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam thought about it for a few days, then he approached Jehovah and said, "Oh Father... that is to much even from me. What can I get for a rib?".................

The rest is history!!!!

[Brother_Bliss]

@ Micah!

Whoo boy! LaRhonda's coming. I'm gonna go hide

[tagyourit33]

Power of the Scriptures....

An elderly woman living alone was awakened by noises one night. She confronted a burglar in her living room. Immediately she shouted "Stop, Acts 2:38!"(repent and be baptized everyone of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins...)

The burglar froze in his tracks. The woman called the police and explained what happened. As the police officer was leading the burglar away, he asked, "I don't understand why you just stood there and didn't run away. All that woman did was yell a scripture from the Bible at you". "Scripture?" the burglar answered, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!"

[Brother_Bliss]

Love it! "An axe and two 38's"

[tagyourit33]

Your Duck is Dead.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

[aPeacefulButterfly]

Thats too funny, Teresa. I"m going to use that in service tomorrow.

[ginabina]

hahhahhaaahahahahahahahahhahahah!!!!!!!!! heeeheeehhehhheehheheehee!!!!!!!!!!!

[tagyourit33]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.