JW jokes

[LizzyJo]

JW jokes are jokes that wouldn't be understood or appreciated by non-JWs. This is the first one I ever heard--

The Pope was walking around in the Vatican dressed in all his finery when suddenly Satan appeared before him in a puff of smoke and a scent of brimstone. What did the Pope say?

He said, "Oh, my god!"

[carribbeangrl01]

never heard that one but i like it. lol

[Brother_Bliss]

JW jokes are jokes that wouldn't be understood or appreciated by non-JWs. This is the first one I ever heard--

The Pope was walking around in the Vatican dressed in all his finery when suddenly Satan appeared before him in a puff of smoke and a scent of brimstone. What did the Pope say?

He said, "Oh, my god!"

lol! Nice!

[Brother_Bliss]

A little girl and her father were out street witnessing one morning, standing out on the corner holding out Watchtowers and Awakes as people passed them by.

After a while, a Catholic Priest walked by, intent on ignoring the little girl and her father.

The little girl says to him "Hello sir, would you like to read the latest Watchtower and Awake magazines?"

The priest looks down at her and rudely says, "Little girl, I wouldn't even use those magazines as toilet paper!"

The girl smiled up at him and replied, "Well that's good, because they say the word of God is sharper than a two-edged sword!"

[kalada]

A little girl was at the side of the road with 3 new born puppies, When the pope passed by, He said to the little girl 'what do you have there', She says' well your holiness i have 3 newborn puppies and they're catholic'. Well the pope is delighted and arranges with the girl to be in the same place a week later so he can bring the television cameras to see the puppies. The little girl agrees and the next week the little girl is waiting with the puppies. Well the pope comes up to her with the cameras and asks her' what have you there', She says '3 puppies' , and what religion are they he asks, 'They are Jehovah's witnesses', Well the pope is furious he says' you said last week they were catholic'.The little girl replies .......

Well they have had their eyes opened this week.

[Greenfield]

One brother was writing a glossary of JW terms, which has many funny entries which could be classed as JW jokes. Here's a couple highlights:

Although the common term for these is ``bulletin board'', the Society consistently uses the term ``information board''. Four people have written to inform me that this is because the origin of the word bulletin is connected with papal bulls, i.e., edicts from the pope. Various popes have certainly posted a lot of bull, so this assertion is believable.

So a common topic of non-theocratic conversation, particularly among sisters, is diet and exercise. For some persons the only way to make a significant reduction in body weight is to get religion in connection with some diet scheme. Persons to whom this happens can be annoying to be around. < They turn into vigilante food police. Fortunately their zeal usually lasts only until the inevitable time arrives when they apostatize on a whole bag of double-filled Oreos.

Fear of man can manifest itself in embarrassment about being recognized as a Witness by coworkers, neighbors, or schoolmates. <>

[81] Say what!? What is this boy doing with a ``friend'' from school with a name like Hammer in the first place?

A {neologism} from a brother in Canada referring to a {word whisker}-like platitude so boring it nearly puts the listener asleep. Some common examples: <<``And so we see'', ``Let us always bear in mind'', ``and so forth.''[183]>>

[183] There are two kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and so forth.

get it trite syndrome

<>

cold water for fire syndrome

<>

kindergarten syndrome

<>

stuck record syndrome

<>

enough-already syndrome

<

non-information from the land of vague

< You bet. Z-z-z-z-z-z.

[Ed2071]

I got one.

What do you give a Jehovah's Witness on Christmas or their birthday?

Invisible presents.

[retroHelen]

I don't know joke that would not be understood by non-JW's but I heard one that JWs would appreciate. It was said on a TV show by a famous veteran comedian in the UK - Ronny Corbett.

He said: "My Hotel was the height of luxury.It had - not just a Bible, but also a Jehovah's Witness in the bedside cabinet!"

[Hallett 82]

The Pope was walking around in the Vatican dressed in all his finery when suddenly Satan appeared before him in a puff of smoke and a scent of brimstone. What did the Pope say?

He said, "Oh, my god!"

Hold on a minute . . . Breaking news . . .that must be the first truthful thing the Pope has said in decades.

[Lyvnaloha4ever]

What is a Jehovah's Witness's favorite band...?

A: The DOORS!!!

My daughter sent this to me in a text one day when I was in the ministry, saying she thought it was a fitting joke since I was out in service....lol... I shared it with the car group & we had a great laugh... only one older sister didn't get it....

[Doug]

How many JW's does it take to change a light bulb?

NONE! The light just keeps getting brighter! ! !

[robert_elv]

How a JW brother propose a Sister for marriage ?

"U are beautiful like the new world translation of the Holy Scriptures

U walk proudly as baptism candidate

U have bright teeth as the watchtower papers

Your beauty is like the memorial day

Missing U is like missing paradise

I love U like my field service bag

U are paradise.

My heart is stick to u so i can have eternal life.

Would u marry me?"

[Brother_Bliss]

U have bright teeth as the watchtower papers

I love U like my field service bag

If that doesn't steal her heart, nothing will.

[kalada]

And they say romance is dead!

How a JW brother propose a Sister for marriage ?

"U are beautiful like the new world translation of the Holy Scriptures

U walk proudly as baptism candidate

U have bright teeth as the watchtower papers

Your beauty is like the memorial day

Missing U is like missing paradise

I love U like my field service bag

U are paradise.

My heart is stick to u so i can have eternal life.

Would u marry me?"

[Greenfield]

How a JW brother propose a Sister for marriage ?

"U are beautiful like the new world translation of the Holy Scriptures

U walk proudly as baptism candidate

U have bright teeth as the watchtower papers

Your beauty is like the memorial day

Missing U is like missing paradise

I love U like my field service bag

U are paradise.

My heart is stick to u so i can have eternal life.

Would u marry me?"

Man, it is awesome having you on the forum, you've got some new material!

[Greenfield]

How many JW's does it take to change a light bulb?

NONE! The light just keeps getting brighter! ! !

Good one!

There's also the flip side to that one:

---

How many apostates does it take to change a light bulb?

They cannot, they stumble and fall whenever they hear of new light.

[retroHelen]

How many JW's does it take to change a light bulb?

NONE! The light just keeps getting brighter! ! !

How many clergymen does it take to change a lightbulb?

None- they just grow more accustomed to the dark!

[Clearview237]

Why did Adam keep his food hidden from Eve?.....

Because she took his rib....

[PGgenius]

I see this jokes one tv series:

The man plays the doorbell and asks from the door opener

will you become a Jehovah's witness?

the door opener answers fast. I not can, I even did not see that crash

[Simon17]

How a JW brother propose a Sister for marriage ?

"...I love U like my field service bag..."

I might not use this particular line LOL

[destiny]

this was a good early morning laugh!

[purplefan]

Hear is one i heard at the meeting this morning.

How many Elders dose it take to change a light bulb?

None. They get the ministerial servants to do it.

[un_be_lievable72]

My favourite band! ;)

[sunshine]

The J.W. Parrot!

A man went to a pet shop and purchased a parrot. Apparently, the parrot belonged to a Jehovah's Witness because it kept repeating, "Read the WATCHTOWER. Read the AWAKE. Read the Bible daily. SQUAWK. Jehovah is God."

Well, the new owner of the bird tried to keep long-playing recordings on all day, everyday, to help the parrot learn new words. Months went by and nothing happened. The parrot continued to "preach" to him with no changes in his vocabulary.

One day the owner became frustrated and infuriated and THREW the parrot across the room and it smashed against the wall and slid down to the floor. The parrot started squawking, "No blood! No Blood! No Blood!"

[jpcook]

Rodney Dangerfield says: “I get no respect! I had some Jehovah’s Witnesses knock on my door last week, and they told me THEIR not interested! …I get no respect!