Notes For Newly Resurrected Ones

[EPOlson]

FROM: New Heavens TO: Earthly Chieftain Class

DATE: Year 2, after Armageddon

RE: Notes for Newly Resurrected Ones

 

1. With regards to food, we must ask you newly resurrected ones to please get over the idea of eating meat. This is particularly important in view of all the animals walking around now. NO, you cannot have a hamburger. Look, everyone is going through adjustments to be here, it's not just you. After a while, you will get used to vegetables, really.
    
2. Many of you are anxious to get in touch with long lost loved ones, but you're going to have to be patient. There is no email anymore, so those of you who were alive in the last days of the old system, you're just going to have to rely on word of mouth and letters for now. You can't go into chat rooms anymore either. We don't have any plans for anything resembling the Internet until at least after Satan is removed from his abyss and destroyed, so you're looking at least 1,000 years. Now you can appreciate how everyone else lived before the 1990s.
    
3. While we're speaking of technology, for those of you who lived in the 1900s, television is also out for now. Do you know how ugly the New World would look with antennas sticking up all over the place? Have you ever seen a satellite dish in any of the Society's New World illustrations? We promised to get you here, and you made it - that's great. But you're not going to be able to catch up on all the Star Trek episodes that you missed after you died.
    
4. One of the blessings of the New World is peace with the animal realm, so it is sad that some are engaging in practical jokes. On at least three occasions, friends have evacuated the water and beaches of the shore when someone on land thought it would be funny to yell "Shark!" This put a good scare in everyone until they realized that sharks are now as timid as minnows. It may have been funny watching your brothers and sisters run from the water, but this isn't loving, is it?
    
5. In the Old World, almost everyone, when asked, "What do you want to do in the New World", has said, "learn to play an instrument." Therefore, many are doing this today. However, please realize that you're not a very good musician yet. Can you keep it down please? Close the windows? Shut the doors? Turn down the amp? Someday you may perfect this, but you will not be perfect for at least 1,000 years, and neither will your playing. Consideration people, that's all we're asking.
    
6. Finally, we're all happy to be here in the New World and there is much work to do. Everyone is required to work, and we do have sufficient time off to rest and recreate. Yet, it has been reported that some brothers have attempted to call in and take

 

SICK DAYS. Brothers, there are NO SICK DAYS. This is the New World, remember? No one will say, "I am sick." You may have been able to use this excuse for your worldly employer, but it won't be accepted here. Now, we hope everyone will cooperate with these points for the benefit of everyone. Brothers: Please review the following items with those newly resurrected. This information has been compiled based on reports we are getting from down there on the Earth. We need to get some control here, brothers.

Edited March 17, 2015 by Shawnster
Formatting

[Brother_Bliss]

I had seen a version of this that included a section about bungee jumping or cliff jumping, warning the resurrected ones that there would be NO 2nd resurrection :-)

[Raindrop]

That was a nice read and gave a little bit of perspective... Imagination, imagination!

[John Doe]

I found it to be a bit grumpy. I think that newly resurrected would stop reading after point #2 and say "this isn't a place for me"

The One. Lollipop'd and Swyped

[LeslieDean]

As humans we are never satisfied!

[Dages]

NO, you cannot have a hamburger.

 

I thought it would be horrid but tofu hamburger can be very yummy when well prepared.

Feel free to come to our place in Paradise, my wife will show you.

 

Anyway, God may create for Hamburger tree, right ? nothing is impossible for him.

 

The point #6 made me laugh out loud. Haaa... I can't wait.

Edited March 17, 2015 by Dages

[DW]

An alternative:

 

1. Feel free to exercise your God-given free will. As you learn about Jehovah, you will come to love him and want to please him.

 

2. Eat anything you want. Everything was given to you as food. You will find marvelous health and your body will tell you just what is good for you.

 

3. Please search for your resurrected loved ones, we have accurate records and can tell you where they are in a matter of seconds.

 

4. You will be amazed at the technology, Jehovah has opened his mind to us.

 

5. Laugh, sing, play, work, love, these are all gifts from Jehovah

 

6. As we work together, our joy will increase. When this world is a paradise, we will start on another.

 

 -Dave

[AH173]

Aww man, NO SICK DAYS!? Got to think of something else to use, possibly a chillax day?? Lol ☺

[jpcook]

I thought it would be horrid but tofu hamburger can be very yummy when well prepared.

Feel free to come to our place in Paradise, my wife will show you.

 

Anyway, God may create for Hamburger tree, right ? nothing is impossible for him.

 

The point #6 made me laugh out loud. Haaa... I can't wait.

 

Hamburger is one thing, but how do you get "Jimmy Dean Sausage" from a tree?

[LRJW]

This topic is slowly but surely veering into "meat in the NW" territory.  

 

Right the ship!

[trottigy]

This topic is slowly but surely veering into "meat in the NW" territory.  

 

Right the ship!

 

 

OK - BACON!!!!!!!!!!  

 

 

 

Good thing I don't have a strong opinion on this!!!        

[cricket246]

Please have some sort of news channel or phone system lol   I like knowing what's going on in other parts of the world

[Sheep]

OK - BACON!!!!!!!!!!  

 

 

 

Good thing I don't have a strong opinion on this!!!      

 

What is this with Jerry and bacon? Doesn't bacon make you lazy? At least, that's what I heard once.

 

Edited March 18, 2015 by Eric_Milton

[trottigy]

Bacon - vitamin B1. its like B12, but better - as it is #1.

Edited March 18, 2015 by trottigy

[Shawnster]

Hamburger is one thing, but how do you get "Jimmy Dean Sausage" from a tree?

Sausage Trees

[Hope]

Thank you, DW Dave, for YOUR list!

 

That first one was making me come up with objections left and right!  ;)  Especially with the way we're using technology now... I'm just not seeing being without it.

 

And even sharks and other deep sea creatures... what will they eat in the open ocean besides other critters?   Rhetorical... but think about it.  Nothing green grows on the ocean floor thousands of feet down....

[ReadYourBible]

I found it to be a bit grumpy. I think that newly resurrected would stop reading after point #2 and say "this isn't a place for me"

The One. Lollipop'd and Swyped

You presume everyone can read

[gr_rogers]

No work for me...........I'm a Telecomm Engineer specializing in the security of cell phones (man I always pick the wrong thing)!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Shawnster]

No work for me...........I'm a Telecomm Engineer specializing in the security of cell phones (man I always pick the wrong thing)!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Don't feel bad, I design advertising and ADA signage.

[Hope]

Why won't we need advertising, signage or mobile phones again?

[trottigy]

Why won't we need advertising, signage or mobile phones again?

I am with you. We are not alone.

http://jwtalk.net/forums/topic/18621-will-we-be-high-tech-in-the-new-world/

[GStorrs46]

Bob,

 

  I enjoyed your comment. Love your new avatar. I think it make you look much better.

 

                                                                                                                        GStorrs46

[Shawnster]

I'll get back to you on advertising. ADA signs are the American disabilities signs for handicap and Braille

[Hope]

  I knew the ADA... just wondering about signage, in general.  They do help in knowing what street you're on and where things are, etc...  ;)

[LRJW]

I still think we'll have advertising; you don't need to do it with the aim of making money.  Just telling people what's where is advertising.

 

How else are people going to know about my trained chimps that can mow 2 acres in a day?