Just When I THOUGHT I Was Holding It All Together

[Timl1980]

Just when I thought I had it all figured out...a very kind, very loving sister reminded me that I was wrong.

 

Four scriptures...four scriptural thoughts...and I was left in utter awe...staring at the pages of my Bible as if I'd never seen them before.

 

And here I sit now, my Bible open...my notes on those four simple well known verses staring up at me from the torn piece of an old cheese order form where I'd hurriedly jotted them down last week. 

 

Even now, as I sit staring at my computer screen at 4:35 am...my steaming mug of coffee close at hand...I cannot help but replay those very embarrassing moments in my head over and over again.

 

You see...I was in the middle of telling her and her husband about some recent challenges I've been facing when I saw her face scrunch up in sudden distaste. Immediately I stopped talking...fearing that something I had said had offended her in some way...and indeed...it had.

 

Her husband, sensing the awkward moment...rushed in to save me...picking up the conversation and thanking me for sharing my experience with them. He was in the midst of saying that they should get going, having a scheduled doctor's appointment that same afternoon...when his wife suddenly stepped forward and, out of nowhere...gave me the biggest hardest hug I think I've ever experienced from a sister. 

 

Stepping back, she wiped away hot tears that had suddenly sprung into her eyes and REALLY looked at me...suddenly no longer offended, not even upset...but deeply concerned. And then she said something so simple, so quiet, that it stopped me cold...and THAT'S why I'm writing this post.

 

“You know Tim, I love your experiences...I really do. But sometimes we forget who’s really doing the holding.”

 

I nodded. I smiled. I thanked her. But inside, I felt exposed...not because I’d said something wrong, but because I’d said something incomplete. I had been telling a story about Jehovah...without fully letting Jehovah speak for himself.

 

And my offense? Taking credit for something Jehovah had allowed me to do...I said that we just had to keep going...keep pushing along even if we felt like giving up...because WE needed to stay strong.

 

"Can...can I tell you something? It's something I learned from my own personal studies, and from our family worship nights." She said, taking her husbands hand and gripping it tightly as he too suddenly looked like he might cry.

 

Now a bit stunned, I nodded and assured her that I would love to hear her thoughts...but I never expected what came out of her mouth next:

 

“I’m being held.
I can’t be pulled away.
I’m not alone in the pain.
And the One carrying me won’t get tired of holding me...ever."

 

I'm not joking, after those words left her mouth...they both started crying...right there in the hall. 

 

You see, friends...I had no idea that this dear couple had lost both of their children years ago in a tragic car accident...and I had no idea that one of them was a cancer survivor. I had no idea that they had endured so much...or that they talked about it so little, except to each other.

 

And please believe me when I say that when those words left her lips...I could see her husband mouthing them with her...like a mantra.

 

They explained that after the death of their two sons, two elders had came over for a shepherding call...and one of the brothers had given them four verses and suggested that they research them together...as a couple.

 

She went on, “We were encouraged to use the online library to look for articles surrounding them...and even to look up the words behind them. The Hebrew. The Greek. Not to "learn more"...but to really understand how Jehovah was already caring for us.”

 

Then she reached into her purse and pulled out a small, worn notebook. The corners were bent. The pages soft. Clearly it had seen a lot of use.

 

“These are the verses,” she said, turning to a page with four verses written in faded red ink. “And these are the words that really helped us through a lot of tough times.”

 

And then she shared them.

Not as spiritual points.
Not as explanations.
Just as the most personal of gifts that they had to share.

 

Here are the verses...and here are the four words and their personal thoughts on each: 

 

Isaiah 41:10 "Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness."

(Tamak.)

To support, sustain or uphold.

 

We had read Isaiah 41:10 countless times. But we had never noticed the word behind “hold on to you" until the brother had shared the idea of it on this shepherding call.

 

Suddenly, we realized...we weren’t just clinging to Jehovah. He has been holding us up the whole time.

 

John 10:28 "I give them everlasting life, and they will by no means ever be destroyed, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." 

 

(Harpazō)

Jesus said no one could snatch us out of Jehovah’s hand. The word he used meant to tear away violently.

 

And when we thought of all the moments we'd felt like we were slipping…we realized none of them had the force or the ability to pull us away from Jehovah.

 

Isaiah 63:9 "During all their distress it was distressing to him. And his own personal messenger saved them. In his love and compassion he repurchased them, And he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old."

 

(Tsar)

When Isaiah said Jehovah felt their distress, the word meant tight, pressed in, overwhelmed...it meant empathy...not just sympathy.

 

We had always prayed to Jehovah in those moments...never REALLY realizing he was already there, feeling it with us.

 

Matthew 11:29  "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for yourselves."

 

(Praus)

Jesus described himself as mild tempered...meek...or even gentle in that single word. It represents strength under complete control...power that never resents the weight it carries.

 

All the times we've asked Jehovah: Am I too much? Have I leaned on him too long? Will Jehovah get tired of carrying me? The simple answer is: Of course not! Because the One who carries us WANTS to...he is love, and love never grows weary of holding what it cherishes.

 

And so here I sit...coffee gone cold, Bible still open, those four verses staring back at me like old friends I’m only now beginning to understand.

 

Foolish pathetic little Tim...here I thought I had been telling a story about endurance...a story that would encourage them.

 

Turns out, they encouraged me...because now here I sit...whispering those same words:

 

“I’m being held.
I can’t be pulled away.
I’m not alone in the pain.
And the One carrying me won’t get tired of holding me...ever."