Jehovah Hasn't Spoken...Yet

[Timl1980]

"Are you angry at Jehovah?"

 

After being asked this on my last post...I have been mulling this thought over and over again in my mind.

 

Honestly, how on earth am I supposed to address this question...no, please...hear me out...how am I REALLY supposed to address this question? (And I'm not mad that it was brought to my attention...please keep reading...you'll see!)

 

What does it really mean to be angry at Jehovah? 

 

Realistically, it sounds as stupid, (and as pointless), as being angry at the sun shining...at the wind for blowing...at myself...for existing.

 

But am I?

 

Am I REALLY angry at Jehovah?

 

 

Truthfully...yes...yes I am. 

 

I didn’t want to type those words. I didn’t want to see it in writing. 

 

But pretending I WASN’T angry...wasn’t making me any more faithful. It was just making me more tired...more worn out...and the hurt and the pain just continued to bleed through.

 

I didn’t know what to do with that. How do you talk to Jehovah...about being angry at Jehovah? How do you engage in that conversation with him without feeling like you’re crossing some invisible line? 

 

Honestly... I didn't even know if I WAS truly mad at Jehovah...I just knew I was worn down, and every new delay of dealing with these feelings...felt like another layer of weight on my chest.

 

Then the strangest thing happened, (and at the strangest place, ironically enough, AT THE MIDWEEK MEETING), a brother reached out...someone who’s currently wading neck deep through his own terrible life circumstances. 

 

Now, please understand...this brother didn’t know about this question being addressed with me. He didn’t know what I had admitted to myself. He didn’t know the place I was in. 

 

But, after the meeting, he approached me, gave me a quick hug...and handed me a slip of paper with a verse written on it. 

 

Now, please believe me when I say that this was not one of the usual "comfort" verses. Not something polished and familiar that we all love to hear when we're facing times of distress.

 

No, this was all together different. I didn't have a chance to look at it until I got home that evening, but after I read it...I simply had to call him and find out WHY he had recommended that particular verse.

 

It was something gritty...something raw...something so unexpected and off-putting that honestly, it almost felt WRONG.

 

What's the verse? 

 

You guys know me by now, I'm not going to leave you hanging:

 

Job 7:19: “Will you never turn your gaze away from me, or leave me alone until I swallow my saliva?”

 

In all my years as a Witness, I have NEVER seen that verse used to encourage ANYONE. I had to do some digging, because on the surface, it sounds obvious:

 

I mean...it SOUNDS like Job is pushing Jehovah away, like he’s had enough of being under God’s gaze. 

 

But the more I sat with it, the more I tried to really put myself in his "bare feet"...the more I started to FEEL like Job wasn’t trying to get away from Jehovah at all.

 

He wasn’t saying, “Stop looking at me.”

 

He was saying, “If you’re looking at me this closely…then WHY am I still like this?”

 

Job wasn’t asking Jehovah to look away. He was asking WHY BEING "SEEN"...DIDN'T MAKE ANYTHING BETTER. 

 

That’s not distance. That’s someone who still believes Jehovah is close enough to do something, and is hurting because he hasn’t done anything YET.

 

This new line of thought made me think about my own anger in a way I wasn’t expecting. I kept trying to figure out what it meant that I was angry at Jehovah. I kept wondering if that meant I was slipping, or drifting, or losing something I didn’t want to lose. 

 

But the more I think about Job’s words, the more something quiet has started forming in the back of my mind...something I didn’t see coming...and the more I think I'm starting to understand what that brother was trying to tell me.

 

If my pain still turns me back in his direction, then I haven’t lost him.

 

If my frustration still causes me to reach towards him, then I don't hate him.

 

If I’m still speaking to him...even in anger...then I’m still searching for him.

 

No, Job wasn’t trying to get away from Jehovah. He was simply trying to UNDERSTAND why being held in God’s sight...didn’t STOP the hurt. 

 

Friends, that’s not rebellion. That’s someone who hasn’t let go of the only person who he feels can save him 

 

It’s strange how that realization settled in. 

 

I spent quite a bit of time over the past few days thinking my anger means I'm drifting away...when the truth is that anger like this only moves TOWARD someone you still believe is there...someone you still expect something from...someone you still think can change the situation.

 

And that’s when it finally clicked for me...the reason this brother gave me that particular verse. 

 

He looked at me and saw the same hurt and anger in my eyes as he felt himself...and after speaking to him...he straight out admitted that he didn't come up with that verse on his own, his wife had given it to him just before she started slipping away into dementia. 

 

He struggled to get the words out over the phone...but he reminded me that his wife was a nurse and therefore she KNEW what was coming for herself...and she wanted him to prepare for the anger that HE was going to feel towards Jehovah.

 

He said that she spent more time with him in those last couple of months then they had in years...he said it felt like they were dating all over again.

 

I honestly don't know which one of us was crying the harder at this point...he was struggling to get the words out, I had never seen him like this. He seems like a very stoic brother...but he opened up to me on the phone in a way I didn't expect.

 

He said he could tell when she started phasing out, there would be times when she would be lucid and he said he started to treasure every single one of those moments.

 

We finally reached a point where neither one of us could really talk...we just sat on the phone and had a few seconds of mutual silence. 

 

Finally he said that one of the last real conversations he had with his wife involved them discussing Job again...and he said she absolutely floored him by saying..."When you start to REALLY feel the pain...please don't mistake Jehovah's silence for distance...you're just in the part of the story where Jehovah hasn't spoken yet."

 

And that's where I'm going to end this post...I'm going to go to sleep tonight with that thought on my mind...I'm just in that part of the story where Jehovah hasn't spoken...yet.

[DLJBSP]

Good Night!!

We love you too!!

[redvet]

My Dear Brother, thank you for sharing this with us. Just know that Jehovah loves you and so do we, you are never alone or forgotten, Jehovah see's you, he sees your heart, your tears, your pain, he just hasnt spoken yet. We must all have patience my friend and hold on until he does speak. Don't give up because what is the alternative, we arre too far into these last days, Paradise is right around the corner. May Jehovah Be With You Always.

Sent from my SM-G990U2 using Tapatalk

[normadenardo]

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. 🩵

[Nnaemeka]

Permit me to digress.

If you were angry at Jehovah, Jehovah understands it's normal. Like one shouldn't be ashamed to say, "oh am hungry." Being angry is a normal reaction when:

1. You don't understand why a situation persists that is not to your liking (see Habakuk)

2. Or you understand but you don't know why it's allowed to continue (first century Christians must have expressed that sentiment hence 2 Peter 3:15,16).

3. It's more painful when events seem to be out of your control (that's why Elijah ran away even after killing 70 prophets of Baal).

And you have Jehovah, you know he's the Sovereign of the universe, the all powerful, most powerful that no one can ask him, "what have you been doing!?"

That's ironic and contradictory. So Jehovah understands why we're angry if and when we say we're angry. 

Sincerely I have been in the past until I realized I am not the only one. Righteous servants of God in the past shared my sentiment.

But what helped me get a balanced view of the situation. 

Just one word: Trust.

Do I trust Jehovah is acting for my good even though I might not understand how?

Do I trust Jehovah always does the right thing?

Do I trust that Jehovah that Jehovah's love covers me, an imperfect ant, that does wrong once in a while who has no right to even be angry at such Holy of Holies?

When I decided the definite answer was YES to all 3, tears came to my eyes. I realized it was my little perception of events or anxiety due to world conditions and mine. I learned to trust more. To believe the vision will not delay. It's panting towards its accomplishment. I just need to handover control to Jehovah and que sera sera. 

So it doesn't bother me anymore. Whether the mountains tumble into the sea, or the Sun misses a rotation for a second (forgotten who said that), I just seat at the back seat, knowing my driver is the best driver in the world. So I do my best and leave the rest into his arms.

Just to share. Because we all love you. 🫶