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Found this on a preachers website:

The Perfect Pastor

Results of a computerized survey indicates that the perfect pastor (henceforth PP)

PP preaches exactly fifteen minutes.

PP condemns sin, but never upsets anyone.

PP works from 8 am to midnight; pp is also the janitor.

PP is a great family person and spends quality time with the pk's.

PP makes $60.00/week, wears nice clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50.00/week to the church.

PP is 28years old and has been preaching for 30 years.

PP is wonderfully gentle and attractive looking.

PP has a burning desire to work with the teenagers and spends all of his time with the senior citizens.

PP smiles all of the time with a straight face because

PP has a sense of humor that keeps

PP seriously dedicated to the task.

PP makes fifteen calls a day on parish families, shut-ins, and the hospitalized;

spends all of PP's time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in the office when needed.

If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other parishes that are tired of their pastor, too. Then bundle up your pastor and send your pastor to the church at the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 pastors...one of them should be perfect.

Have faith in this letter.

One parish broke the chain and got its old pastor back in less than three months.

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Here's another one....

:?

Collateral

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this" and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".:huh:

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A man has a parrot for many years. One day he finds it laying in its cage very still. He takes it to the vet who takes one look at it shakes his head and tells the man his parrot is dead $50 for office visit. Distraught the man tells the vet to make sure the paarrot is dead so the vet takes the parrot to the back and puts it on the exam table and whistles. A cat comes from another room jumps up on the table circles the parrot sniffing and looks at the vet and shakes its head. The vet whistles again and a dog comes out jumps on the table sniffs the parrot looks at the vet and shakes its head no. The vet returns and tells the man your parrot is dead that will be $450. The man exclaims " WHAT? YOU TOLD ME 50 a minute ago. Why so much? Vet says lab test and cat scan

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