If I Had Lived Then...

[Timl1980]

*Disclaimer: This post is for everyone...Jehovah’s people, those who are disfellowshipped, those who are questioning, and those who are simply reading and trying to make sense of where they stand. It isn’t written to correct anyone else, or to counsel anyone else. It’s written because of something I’ve been wrestling with myself, personally...and, as usual, I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings on the matter with everyone here. So here goes nothing: 

A few weeks ago, an elder shared something with me that stayed far longer than I expected. He had gone on an annual visit to check on a disfellowshipped individual...simply to see how they were doing, to ask if there was any interest in returning to the meetings, maybe even starting a study again. The conversation wasn’t hostile. It wasn’t dramatic. It was, however...extremely heavy.

 

The individual spoke openly about their struggles, their disappointments, and their frustrations with the organization and the people in it. And, after listening to that experience, I felt the weight of everyone involved...the pain of someone who feels distanced, the patience of elders trying to reach hearts, and the quiet complexity of a situation that doesn’t lend itself to easy answers.

 

What unsettled me wasn’t the criticism itself. It was how familiar it sounded. Not because it was right or wrong, but because I could recognize pieces of that thinking in myself. That realization sent me down a line of thought I didn’t expect...one that forced me to compare our situation today with what faithfulness ACTUALLY required in another time...another place. And once that comparison began forming in my mind, it became impossible to ignore.

What follows are five areas that I have been seriously meditating on...areas where I have decided to drill down to the core differences, (as I understand them), between my current faith and where I would have stood during the time and place of the Israelites and their faith. 

 

In other words, plainly stated:

 

Would I have made a "good" Israelite? Does the faith I am showing now reflect that? Please follow along as I try to place my faith up against that of my ancient brothers and sisters and find out where I truly stand: 

 

1. Questioning Leadership Was Treated as Questioning Jehovah

 

Biblical Accounts: Numbers 12:1–10; Numbers 16:1–35; Exodus 16:2–8

 

Miriam and Aaron spoke critically of Moses, and Miriam was struck with leprosy. Korah challenged appointed leadership, and the earth opened and swallowed up all who followed his belief. In the wilderness, complaints framed as frustration with men were counted as complaints against Jehovah himself. And under the Law, there was very little safe distance between words spoken...and consequences felt. Motive mattered. Tone mattered. Loyalty was not theoretical...it was applied...or else.

 

Questions I have been wrestling with:

 

If Jehovah responded today the way he did to Miriam, would I still be speaking?

 

When I criticize leadership, am I confident Jehovah sees it as harmless venting...or as something more serious?

 

If Jehovah delays judgment now, is that approval...or patience?

 

Would my tone change if I believed Jehovah was listening more closely than the people I’m speaking to?

 

Am I more concerned with being understood...or with being loyal?

 

If someone younger in the truth adopted my attitude, would I feel responsible for where it led them?

 

2.One Person’s Disobedience Endangered Everyone

 

Biblical Accounts: Joshua 7:1–26; 2 Samuel 24:1–17; Leviticus 4:1–35

 

When I think about Achan, what unsettles me isn’t JUST the theft itself. It’s how small it must have felt in the moment. A garment. Some silver. Something hidden away, unseen by others. And yet that private decision rippled outward, touching people who had no idea what had been done, costing lives that never CHOSE to be involved. Under the Law, there was no such thing as isolated disobedience. What one person carried in secret eventually surfaced in public consequence.

David’s census carries a similar weight. A decision made by a faithful king, (not out of rebellion but out of misplaced confidence or overconfidence), brought suffering to an entire nation. Even unintentional sin required sacrifice...not because Jehovah was harsh, but because holiness demanded clarity in the strongest possible way. Accountability was immediate for the most part. Mercy existed, but it did not delay the reality of consequence in most cases.

 

Questions I have been wrestling with:

 

If we were still under the Law, would I want others to suffer for my private doubts or frustrations, or my "private" sins?

 

Do I fully appreciate how much mercy protects us now, in the last of the last days?

 

If mercy were suddenly removed, which of my current habits would become dangerous overnight...or immediately?

 

Have I mistaken Jehovah’s restraint...for indifference?

 

If my inner thoughts were visible, would I still feel comfortable among my brothers and sisters?

 

Am I living in a way that "assumes" mercy...or honors it?

 

3. National Apostasy Was Common...Even With Miracles

 

Scriptural Accounts: Judges 2:10–13; 1 Kings 12:26–33; Jeremiah 7:8–11; Ezekiel 8:5–18

 

Entire generations abandoned Jehovah. Idolatry became institutional. False worship crept into the temple itself. All of this happened while prophets spoke, miracles occurred, and Jehovah’s presence in Israel was absolutely undeniable. Faithfulness was not reinforced by unity for the most part; instead it was often tested by isolation. Remaining loyal often meant standing against the current, not flowing with it.

 

Questions I have been wrestling with:

 

If miracles couldn’t keep Israel faithful, what does our unity in Jehovah's organization today say about Jehovah’s spirit?

 

Am I focusing on imperfections...or on the miracle of unity itself?

 

If unity disappeared tomorrow, would I realize what I had lost...or feel somehow relieved that it was gone?

 

Do I measure Jehovah’s modern day organization by what it lacks...or by what it has preserved?

 

If I lived during Israel’s apostasy, would I have recognized it...or blended in?

 

What would my loyalty look like if it were no longer popular to actually BE loyal to Jehovah?

 

4. Faithfulness Often Meant Standing Alone

 

Scriptural Accounts: 1 Kings 19:9–18; Jeremiah 20:7–9; Daniel 6:10–2

 

Elijah believed he was the only one left. Jeremiah was mocked, imprisoned, and ignored for a time. Daniel’s faithfulness risked his very life! Loyalty was not usually affirmed through the community; it was proven by conviction.

 

Faithfulness was costly, visible, and often lonely...and that's just the truth, from what my personal studies have shown me.

 

Questions I have been wrestling with:

 

If loyalty today feels uncomfortable, how would it have felt when it was dangerous?

 

Would my faith survive without encouragement from others?

 

If no one ever noticed my faithfulness, would I still practice it the same way?

 

Do I draw strength from my  conviction in Jehovah and his organization...or from "pats on the back" from others around me?

If my faith were to end up costing my reputation and take away all comforts of life, would I still pay the price?

 

Am I preparing my faith for that kind of pressure NOW...or protecting it from inconvenience?

 

5. Laws vs. Principles

 

Scriptural Accounts: Leviticus 17:11; Leviticus 5:17–19; Deuteronomy 27:26; Matthew 5:17; Galatians 6:2; James 2:13

 

Under the Law, sin required blood...(there was only one exception to that rule that I know of). Ignorance did not remove guilt.

 

Righteousness was defined by strict obedience. Today, Christ has fulfilled the Law. We are guided by principles. Mercy triumphs over instant judgment. The standard has not been lowered...it has been internalized.

 

Questions I have been wrestling with:

 

If Jehovah trusted Israel with laws but trusts us with principles, what level of maturity does he expect from us?

 

Am I using imperfection as an excuse...or as an opportunity to grow?

 

If Jehovah treated me strictly by principle instead of mercy, where would I stand as I am today...right now?

 

Do I want clear rules because they’re "easier"...or principles because they refine my heart?

If my conscience were FULLY trained, what would I stop justifying, right here and now...today?

 

What part of my thinking still needs discipline, not permission? And how can I how can I train it to see things from Jehovah's viewpoint, not my own?

 

My conclusion?

 

Walking about through the pages of the Bible as I studied these accounts again didn’t make me feel more certain. It has made me feel more careful.

 

Careful with my words. 

 

Careful with my assumptions. 

 

Careful with the mercy I live under every day. 

 

It made me think about that elders visit again...the weight the disfellowshipped individual carries, the patience the elders bring into rooms like that, and how easily frustration can harden into something that FEELS justified...but how easily and quietly it can reshape a person's heart.

 

What unsettles me most is realizing how different my posture might have been in another time. How thoughts that feel manageable today would have carried consequences I can barely imagine back then. 

 

How much space Jehovah gives now for reflection, growth, and return...and how easily that space can be misunderstood as permission...rather than what it actually is...patience.

 

Once that realization settled in, it doesn’t really leave room for neutrality...not in my mind, at least.

It forced a reckoning for me personally, not with policies or people, but with the direction of my own thinking. 

 

And that kind of reckoning doesn’t end when the reading stops...it only ends when a person makes a final decision on where they stand...and who they stand with.

[Barbllm]

"If Jehovah trusted Israel with laws but trusts us with principles, what level of maturity does he expect from us?"

 

This was addressed in the second part of the annual meeting. The brother's talk about principles noted that they are a way to gauge our spiritual depth. We don't have a  long list of "don't do X" or "don't watch X". Instead, we know that Jehovah hates violence and that sexual immorality puts us at odds with him and endangers our friendship with him. 

 

To me, it's the difference between a dog being led around on a leash (laws), where he doesn't really control where he's going, and a shepherd using a staff to guide his sheep. He doesn't always touch them with the staff but they know it's there and they respond accordingly. 

[Timl1980]

3 minutes ago, Barbllm said:

This was addressed in the second part of the annual meeting 

 

You're right! I forgot all about that! Thank you, I will be going back over that now, it's very relevant to what I've been meditating on.

Edited 3 hours ago by Timl1980

[Dolce vita]

Talking about the past, this isn't directly related to what you're saying, Tim, but it reminds me of something. In this week's Bible reading, two verses struck me:

 

Isaiah 43:22

Jehovah reveals his personal pain: the Israelites have grown weary of him. In a couple, we know the danger that lurks when one spouse tires of the other. Jehovah's pain is bloodcurdling. How is it possible to tire of him? Yet he explains the reason: lack of communication, absence of deep, meaningful prayers, prayers that have undoubtedly become mechanical and perfunctory. Prayer is truly vital, essential, in what binds us to Jehovah—quality prayer, thoughtful prayer at that.

 

Isaiah 44:20: A deceived heart leads us astray.

A deceived heart is like a diseased eye, afflicted with blindness, which cannot see its own blindness. Its perception of reality is altered. The deceived heart can no longer see that it is deceived. Deception works from within. Here again, it gives us food for thought.