A Parking Lot Conversation

[Timl1980]

*SIGH* Here I go again...I'm always so full of drama...aren't I?

 

For once...I wish I could just post something light hearted...something that didn't feel like I was unburdening the weight of the world from around my shoulders. (Maybe I have, in the past...but honestly...the past FEELS a million miles away right now)

 

I have hesitated about posting this for like a week now...honestly it is starting to feel like I'm using this site for "therapy sessions"...but I feel compelled to do so this morning...because if it helps even one single person who is struggling with something similar...then it's worth it.

 

Okay...where to begin? How to begin? How can I say any of what I need to say...without sounding whiney...without sounding pathetic? Oh well, here it goes:

 

I pulled into the Kingdom Hall parking lot early on a Sunday morning...around 8:30. The sun was out...it's brilliant rays filling my car with natural warmth as I shut off the engine and gazed at the building devoted to worship of my God. I was alone...and thankfully so. I just needed space...I needed time...I needed time to think. A cold breeze swept past my car, rocking it gently as I listened to the fading *tick tick* of my engine. 

 

Here I was...needing space...needing time...and yet, I could feel my eyes start to close...I could feel my inner walls start to crumble as, inside my head...words began pouring out to my heavenly Father. Everything was jumbled and broken...shards of love colliding with bricks made of hate and rage. Weeks and weeks of unspoken feelings began pouring out...in my head I could almost see them rising into the air like smoke...I could almost feel myself growing more and more confused, overwhelmed...lost.

 

How can I get anyone to understand what was happening in my head...when I don't understand it all myself? I only know that it all came roaring out of me...and I just clung on...praying to Jehovah to unravel it all...to make sense of it all...to help me deal with it all...before it broke me.

 

I knew I was in a safe place...near Jehovah's house of true worship. I knew Jehovah heard me...I knew he understood.

 

So I kept praying...I just let it all out...and then out of nowhere...I heard the sound of another car pulling into the parking lot...and within seconds, I could tell it was parking right next to mine. Keeping my eyes closed, (I had been praying for roughly about 10 minutes), I waited...praying that I wouldn't be interrupted...and yet, at the same time...praying that I would?

 

I'm sure I don't need to tell you what happened next...you already know: a soft gentle knock on my window.

 

Opening my eyes, I saw a brother standing beside my car...concern written plainly across his face. Smiling, I indicated that he should come over to the passenger side and join me...unlocking the door so he could slide into my car and join me, away from the early morning chill of a Wisconsin April morning. We exchanged greetings and then he gently inquired as to what had brought me to the meeting this early. I hesitated...then looked away from him out towards the open field near our Kingdom Hall laying all sparkly from the early morning dew...and told him.

 

To his credit...he just listened, nodding occasionally and waiting until I had given him a cliff notes version of what I had just said to Jehovah. When he saw that I had finally deflated enough to actually take something in...he finally spoke...and though I am not going to sit here and share the entire conversation...I WILL share the two verses he shared with me that have been filling me with comfort for the past week. 

 

He said it is natural that we are all experiencing feelings of increased fear and tension with everything going on right now...he said Satan's system is so bloated with hatred and evil...it's like a huge red zit on someone's face...you KNOW it needs to be popped...you can visualize what is going to come out🤢...but it's not OUR job to do anything about it...we have to wait for Jehovah to get rid of it.

 

He took me to Isaiah 40:31: "But those hoping in Jehovah will regain power. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; They will walk and not tire out.”

 

Truth be told...I almost looked at this dear brother with pity. I know this verse so well...it's one I use CONSTANTLY as a source of strength...what new thing could he POSSIBLY point out?

 

And that's the moment I got schooled...and humbled...all at the same time.

 

"Look at the word "hoping", Tim...what does it mean to hope in Jehovah?" He let me explain it...then nodded and added a new thought...taking me to the Strong's definition of the word...pointing out that the root meaning of the Hebrew word "Qavah" is actually to bind together, perhaps by twisting!

 

During his personal research into this verse, he felt discouraged by seeing that some versions used the word "wait" here...instead of "hope"...until he saw that a metaphorical meaning of this word could mean to pull something tight, like the strands of a cord!

 

He said the idea is: by standing firm in our spiritual hope...we are actually, (in a way), providing tension...and this tension interweaves, (so to speak), with Jehovah's holy spirit and creates real visible strength within the organization. 

 

What a profound thought: With each prayer, with every single meeting, assembly and convention we attend...every single time we participate in any spiritual activity...or just reach out and encourage someone near us...we are actively pulling those strands tighter and tighter...almost as if we are weaving our "hope" into this beautiful thing we call our "spiritual paradise". 

 

Then he took me to Colossians 2:2 and read it from the American Standard Version: "That their hearts may be comforted, they being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, that they may know the mystery of God, even Christ,"

 

"Knit together in love"...what a beautiful thought. Then he asked me a very serious question: "If Jehovah is weaving us together, Tim...why is it that sometimes we feel we must keep ourselves "together"...all alone?"

 

He said Jehovah never asked us to be fearless...he just asks us to allow ourselves to be bound to him through our "hope". That's what keeps us strong...it's what allows us not to break...even when we feel like we are down to our very last strand...a strand that is being frazzled...at it's breaking point. If we "hope" in Jehovah...he will cover that strand with the glowing strands from our brothers and sisters prayers...from their encouragement...from their strength...and we will feel ourselves getting stronger...because that's what Jehovah promised...that's his guarantee!

 

And now here I sit, in the comfort of my home, thinking about the following: Isn’t it funny how a simple early morning parking lot conversation can end up stitching a person's very last heart string back into the very fabric Jehovah has been weaving around you all along?

[cheesychat]

I love how your really pour out your heart, Tim. It makes the rest of us feel like we are not alone even though our circumstances may be entirely different.  Its very faith strengthening to feel Jehovah’s hand in our lives, something we can always hold on to, knowing that he listens and understands.  In your case he gave you an empathetic brother to give you comfort. Thanks for sharing. 

[ChrisW]

1 hour ago, Timl1980 said:

*SIGH* Here I go again...I'm always so full of drama...aren't I?

 

For once...I wish I could just post something light hearted...something that didn't feel like I was unburdening the weight of the world from around my shoulders. (Maybe I have, in the past...but honestly...the past FEELS a million miles away right now)

 

I have hesitated about posting this for like a week now...honestly it is starting to feel like I'm using this site for "therapy sessions"...but I feel compelled to do so this morning...because if it helps even one single person who is struggling with something similar...then it's worth it.

 

Okay...where to begin? How to begin? How can I say any of what I need to say...without sounding whiney...without sounding pathetic? Oh well, here it goes:

 

I pulled into the Kingdom Hall parking lot early on a Sunday morning...around 8:30. The sun was out...it's brilliant rays filling my car with natural warmth as I shut off the engine and gazed at the building devoted to worship of my God. I was alone...and thankfully so. I just needed space...I needed time...I needed time to think. A cold breeze swept past my car, rocking it gently as I listened to the fading *tick tick* of my engine. 

 

Here I was...needing space...needing time...and yet, I could feel my eyes start to close...I could feel my inner walls start to crumble as, inside my head...words began pouring out to my heavenly Father. Everything was jumbled and broken...shards of love colliding with bricks made of hate and rage. Weeks and weeks of unspoken feelings began pouring out...in my head I could almost see them rising into the air like smoke...I could almost feel myself growing more and more confused, overwhelmed...lost.

 

How can I get anyone to understand what was happening in my head...when I don't understand it all myself? I only know that it all came roaring out of me...and I just clung on...praying to Jehovah to unravel it all...to make sense of it all...to help me deal with it all...before it broke me.

 

I knew I was in a safe place...near Jehovah's house of true worship. I knew Jehovah heard me...I knew he understood.

 

So I kept praying...I just let it all out...and then out of nowhere...I heard the sound of another car pulling into the parking lot...and within seconds, I could tell it was parking right next to mine. Keeping my eyes closed, (I had been praying for roughly about 10 minutes), I waited...praying that I wouldn't be interrupted...and yet, at the same time...praying that I would?

 

I'm sure I don't need to tell you what happened next...you already know: a soft gentle knock on my window.

 

Opening my eyes, I saw a brother standing beside my car...concern written plainly across his face. Smiling, I indicated that he should come over to the passenger side and join me...unlocking the door so he could slide into my car and join me, away from the early morning chill of a Wisconsin April morning. We exchanged greetings and then he gently inquired as to what had brought me to the meeting this early. I hesitated...then looked away from him out towards the open field near our Kingdom Hall laying all sparkly from the early morning dew...and told him.

 

To his credit...he just listened, nodding occasionally and waiting until I had given him a cliff notes version of what I had just said to Jehovah. When he saw that I had finally deflated enough to actually take something in...he finally spoke...and though I am not going to sit here and share the entire conversation...I WILL share the two verses he shared with me that have been filling me with comfort for the past week. 

 

He said it is natural that we are all experiencing feelings of increased fear and tension with everything going on right now...he said Satan's system is so bloated with hatred and evil...it's like a huge red zit on someone's face...you KNOW it needs to be popped...you can visualize what is going to come out🤢...but it's not OUR job to do anything about it...we have to wait for Jehovah to get rid of it.

 

He took me to Isaiah 40:31: "But those hoping in Jehovah will regain power. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary; They will walk and not tire out.”

 

Truth be told...I almost looked at this dear brother with pity. I know this verse so well...it's one I use CONSTANTLY as a source of strength...what new thing could he POSSIBLY point out?

 

And that's the moment I got schooled...and humbled...all at the same time.

 

"Look at the word "hoping", Tim...what does it mean to hope in Jehovah?" He let me explain it...then nodded and added a new thought...taking me to the Strong's definition of the word...pointing out that the root meaning of the Hebrew word "Qavah" is actually to bind together, perhaps by twisting!

 

During his personal research into this verse, he felt discouraged by seeing that some versions used the word "wait" here...instead of "hope"...until he saw that a metaphorical meaning of this word could mean to pull something tight, like the strands of a cord!

 

He said the idea is: by standing firm in our spiritual hope...we are actually, (in a way), providing tension...and this tension interweaves, (so to speak), with Jehovah's holy spirit and creates real visible strength within the organization. 

 

What a profound thought: With each prayer, with every single meeting, assembly and convention we attend...every single time we participate in any spiritual activity...or just reach out and encourage someone near us...we are actively pulling those strands tighter and tighter...almost as if we are weaving our "hope" into this beautiful thing we call our "spiritual paradise". 

 

Then he took me to Colossians 2:2 and read it from the American Standard Version: "That their hearts may be comforted, they being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, that they may know the mystery of God, even Christ,"

 

"Knit together in love"...what a beautiful thought. Then he asked me a very serious question: "If Jehovah is weaving us together, Tim...why is it that sometimes we feel we must keep ourselves "together"...all alone?"

 

He said Jehovah never asked us to be fearless...he just asks us to allow ourselves to be bound to him through our "hope". That's what keeps us strong...it's what allows us not to break...even when we feel like we are down to our very last strand...a strand that is being frazzled...at it's breaking point. If we "hope" in Jehovah...he will cover that strand with the glowing strands from our brothers and sisters prayers...from their encouragement...from their strength...and we will feel ourselves getting stronger...because that's what Jehovah promised...that's his guarantee!

 

And now here I sit, in the comfort of my home, thinking about the following: Isn’t it funny how a simple early morning parking lot conversation can end up stitching a person's very last heart string back into the very fabric Jehovah has been weaving around you all along?

I thank you so much for sharing.  I know you know not are not alone. And now others know that are not alone in these distressing times. 🙂💚