That USED To Be Me!

[Timl1980]

I was gathering my things after the meeting last week when a brother, we'll call him Brother "Halvorsen", approached me. 

 

He moved slowly, the way he always does now, but his eyes were still bright and warm. After asking me if I had a moment to chat, he told me he wanted to show me something and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started squinting at the screen.

 

Finally locating what he was after, he opened his photos and began scrolling through picture after picture of him and his wife from decades ago.

 

Moving closer, I began to watch as his screen filled with black and white photos...pictures of him and his wife when they were young, vibrant, full of energy. 

 

In one photo they were standing beside a literature cart downtown, smiling like they had just discovered the truth. 

 

In another they were hiking a trail I recognized from our local area. In yet another they were sitting at a table with a group of young ones they used to study with. His wife had passed away years ago, but he spoke about her as if she had only stepped out of the room for a moment...as if she would come join him at any second, taking his arm and moving close against him.

 

Minutes felt like seconds as he recounted story after story...telling me how MUCH he looked forward to seeing her again in the new system.

 

But then, in the midst of his reminiscing, he said something that surprised me...although I don't really know why.

 

He said he appreciated what Jehovah still allowed him to do NOW, even if it was nowhere near what he used to be able to do. He talked about how he tries to greet every single new person after the meeting, how he makes it a point to compliment the young brothers and sisters who give talks and other various parts, how he checks in on sisters who sit alone. He said all of this with not a single bit of pride in his voice...just a quiet gratitude that Jehovah still lets him contribute SOMETHING...that Jehovah still finds him useful.

 

Suddenly I decided to ask him a question, a question that came out of nowhere...but a question that I suddenly found NEEDED an answer: 

 

I asked him HOW he keeps going?

 

I didn’t mean it unkindly. 

 

But he is in the beginning stages of losing his eyesight. His hearing is fading. His joints hurt so badly that he sometimes winces when he stands. 

 

And yet he still moves through the hall with purpose, as if he has a mission. 

 

All of a sudden he got this mischievous little grin on his face and patted me on the shoulder. 

 

Then he told me that, since he knew I loved Jehovah and that I particularly love researching the deeper things of Jehovah, he was absolutely certain that I wouldn't take any offense at his next words.

 

“Tim, go look up Genesis 48:17–19, and 1 Kings 1:1–40. Check them out, sit with them for a while and I PROMISE you that you'll find the answer to that question!"

 

 

While I was in the midst of reeling from that answer along with hurriedly trying to type those two accounts into my phone's notebook application....this dear brother looked back down at his phone screen and his eyes locked onto a picture of him and his wife standing in service, both of them young and strong, vibrant and healthy...and suddenly he said very quietly, very heavily, “That used to be me.”

 

I went home that night and opened both accounts. I read them once, then again, and then yet again. 

 

Genesis 48:17-19: "When Joseph saw that his father kept his right hand placed on Eʹphra·im’s head, it was displeasing to him, so he tried to take hold of his father’s hand to move it from Eʹphra·im’s head to Ma·nasʹseh’s head. 18 Joseph said to his father: “Not so, my father, because this is the firstborn. Put your right hand on his head.” 19 But his father kept refusing and said: “I know it, my son, I know it. He too will become a people, and he too will become great. Nevertheless, his younger brother will become greater than he will, and his offspring will become the full equivalent of nations

I didn’t see it."

 

(I'm not going to post the whole chapter of 1 Kings 1:1-40 here, but I can promise you that it is an incredible read!)

 

I read the footnotes. I checked the Research Guide. I looked up every cross-reference. I read the Watchtower articles connected to both accounts...but I still didn’t see it. For days I kept going back to them, trying to understand what he was pointing me toward.

 

(I mean I had POSSIBLE answers, but all of them felt too trite, too simplistic to be what he was getting at...so I kept digging.)

 

I read about Jacob...old, blind, frail...leaning on his staff. I read about Joseph trying to correct him, assuming Jacob’s age had confused him. I read about Jacob crossing his hands intentionally, choosing the younger son over the older. 

 

I noticed the Hebrew word used for Jacob’s “insight,” the one that means to perceive deeply even when the eyes cannot see. 

 

And then I read about David...old, cold, unable to stay warm, lying in bed while the nation moved on without him. 

 

I read about Adonijah rising up, gathering support, acting like David was finished. I read about how Jehovah still used DAVID...not Nathan, not Zadok, not Bathsheba...to make one of the most sacred decisions in Israel’s history.

 

But I still didn’t understand what tied these two accounts together. They were powerful, but I simply couldn't see the thread.

 

Then one evening, while reading through several articles about how Jehovah views his servants...articles about loyalty, endurance, and the way Jehovah measures faithfulness...something finally clicked. 

 

I guess it wasn't a single sentence in one article that finally clicked. It was a theme that kept appearing in different ways, in different contexts, almost like Jehovah was whispering it directly into my ears through the pages. The thought crystallized so clearly that I had to stop reading and just sit with it for a moment.

 

Jehovah has never chosen or kept someone because they were the most capable. He has always stayed close to those who are faithful.

 

Suddenly both accounts opened up in a very unexpected way, and that is what caused me to write this post.

 

Jacob wasn’t chosen because he was strong, sharp, or capable. He was chosen because he was FAITHFUL, and Jehovah gave him insight that Joseph's youth could not produce.

 

Joseph saw an old man who couldn’t see.

 

Jehovah saw a servant who possessed wisdom shaped by decades of faithful service that could see something clearly which youth could not.

 

And David... David wasn't used because he was powerful, energetic, or capable. He was used because he was FAITHFUL, and Jehovah saved a sacred assignment for a moment when everyone else thought he was finished. 

 

The nation saw an old man who couldn’t stay warm. 

 

But Jehovah saw the only man he trusted to make a decision that would shape Israel’s future.

 

And THEN I understood Brother "Halvorsen's" point.

 

It may be true that he isn’t able to do what he used to do. 

 

He isn’t strong. 

 

He isn’t healthy. 

 

He isn’t capable in the way he once was. 

 

But he IS very very faithful. And Jehovah is STILL providing him with a deliberate purpose...a purpose that younger ones might overlook, but one that Jehovah specifically does not.

 

And then something hit me so hard that it made me sit back in my chair and breathe for a moment, something I don't think even he realized...(and I know he didn't because after I was through with my study I called him up and told him...and he said he had never looked at it that way):

 

This brother wasn't showing me pictures of who he used to be...he was actually showing me PROOF that Jehovah still sees who he is NOW.

Edited 3 hours ago by Timl1980

[Dages]

17 minutes ago, Timl1980 said:

Jehovah still sees who he is NOW.

Jehovah always see the potential person we can become : in paradise. Grounded in his absolute knowledge of who we have been until this very moment : clinging to Jehovah our loving father 

[Timl1980]

2 minutes ago, Dages said:

Jehovah always see the potential person we can become : in paradise. Grounded in his absolute knowledge of who we have been until this very moment : clinging to Jehovah our loving father 

 

Absolutely!! I had just never thought of Jehovah kind of looking over our shoulders so to speak as we looked at his photos, it kind of hit me that, to Jehovah, he still sees this dear brother for what he is, which is extremely faithful. 

 

I guess what I was getting at is that sometimes it's easy for a person to see what they used to do and feel bad that they can no longer handle all of that weight or responsibility. 

 

But to Jehovah, it's like he still sees that dear brother as being just as faithful now as he was then, even though his activity has lessened greatly.

 

I know that's not a new thought, but it was just very encouraging for me because of what what I'm going through as well.