Funny Famous Quotes

[pinkpopcorn]

 Some Old Adages....... 

 Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) .

 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
 - Mark Twain


 The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
 - George Burns


Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
 - Victor Borge


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
 - Mark Twain


By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
 - Socrates

 
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
 - Groucho Marx

 
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
 - Jimmy Duranty
 
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
 - Zsa Zsa Gabor

 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: 

alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
 - Alex Levine

 
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
 - Rodney Dangerfield


Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
 - Spike Milligan

 
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
 - Joe Namath

 
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
 - Bob Hope

 
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

 - W. C. Fields


We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers


 Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
 - Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
 - Phyllis Diller


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
 - Billy Crystal
 
And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.

[surfergirl]

Very funny Chris.

[Joey]

Great ones!

[Brother_Bliss]

Moved to General Chit Chat, since this is a "joke" and not a game or riddle or trivia.

[pinkpopcorn]

And, Bob.... I really read the topic headings to see which heading to put this under. Sorry about that!  

[GrumpysWife]

And, Bob.... I really read the topic headings to see which heading to put this under. Sorry about that!  

 

And here all this time, I thought Bob was telling a joke, that wasn't really funny.

[Brother_Bliss]

And, Bob.... I really read the topic headings to see which heading to put this under. Sorry about that!  

 

Here's the secret sauce: If it requires an answer (game, riddle, trivia) then it goes to Forum Games.

 

On the old board, we had clear direction. We're still working on that around here as we learn the new software.

[pnutts]

Here's the secret sauce: If it requires an answer (game, riddle, trivia) then it goes to Forum Games.

 

On the old board, we had clear direction. We're still working on that around here as we learn the new software.

Hey head programmer - maybe if we could see your head - then maybe programming would go better -you have it all covered up. not letting thought processes out   -that's my excuse.