What to do!?!

[Juliana]

Ok..so I just moved to my new congregation and totally love it, making some really good friends...but...I know I am not emotionaly ready for marriage due to a very hurtful divorce.. there is a very nice brother, spiritual, regular in the ministry, never misses a meeting, unemployed at the moment but using that time in the field. He has not done anything that has made me feel uncomfortable but he has started to make a point in talking to me at meetings (not that big I know), standing just alittle to close for normal conversation..called me the night before the first day of convention to see where I would be sitting so he could sit close by and then made a point to sitting the set up from me and then sitting a seat down to day from me..today after the convention he asked if me and the family would like to come out to dinner with him and my dad respectfully said "no, that we had other plans" and we did..but my dad knows how im feeling right now, My dad says to ignore it for now but I don't want to give him the wrong impression.... I dont want to ignore him cuz i do like talking to him.. I just dont know how to handle this situation..

[Hammerhead]

Just be straight up and honest. Dont lead him on or have dad explain situation. Dont beat around bushy

[vjohzon]

PRAY A SPECIFIC PRAYER!!! We as humans will convince ourselves that it's OK, TALK TO HIS ELDERS! They will tell you if they feel he's ready to date. FIND OUT WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE IN COMMON AND SEE IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT FOR ETERNITY (it's what you don't have in common that causes divorce not what you have in common) most of all how's his service. What is he like when he drives, how does he treat his parents. Most importantly, do the brothers trust him enough to hold a mic or handle the contribution box? If not something is up. The brothers need help so why has he not reached out or why do the brothers not trust him. Only they can answer that so ask them.

[Juliana]

Just be straight up and honest. Dont lead him on or have dad explain situation. Dont beat around bushy

I dont want my dad to handle it..its not his place to really..and I dont want to lead him on..I just dont know how to approach the situation.

[GrumpysWife]

Just be straight up and honest. Don't lead him on or have dad explain situation. Dont beat around bushy

I dont want my dad to handle it..its not his place to really..and I dont want to lead him on..I just dont know how to approach the situation.

First of all you need to decide if YOU are ready. You surely don't want to run from the frying pan into the fire. Rushing into dating soon after a painful divorce can be devastating spiritually. Walk carefully, prayerfully, and sanely. Read the "Young People Ask", vol. 2 ch 3 pgs. 28-41. There is a letter from Jehovah just for you.

[Shawnster]

Just be straight up and honest. Dont lead him on or have dad explain situation. Dont beat around bushy

I dont want my dad to handle it..its not his place to really..and I dont want to lead him on..I just dont know how to approach the situation.

Someone has to talk to him. Either you or someone representing you and your interests. He may deny having anything other than friendship in mind, but the signs are there. You see them, you pointed them out to us.

Ignore it and it will only get worse. Best to make things clear now while you can still be friends.

I was in a failed relationship (broken engagement) and it took me 6 months before I was ready to date again. I can only imagine if I were to experience a divorce, that time for healing would be much longer.

You need to heal, you want to heal. He needs to give you space to heal.

[byronebula]

I'm sure you've already accomplished half your battle by now, just by pouring out your heart to Jehovah. You need to know, not what your heart wants, but what is best for the both of you. This will be difficult to find out on your own. You are undoubtedly at a point in your life where your heart will not point you in the right direction most of the time.

Since i cannot personally relate to your circumstances, i've tried to put the scenario in terms i could possibly understand better.

Lets say you have your drivers licence, you've owned a vehicle before, but met with an unfortunate accident. That car has been written off. You are now without a vehicle. You KNOW that the trauma from that accident cannot allow you to drive another vehicle for a period of time. Yet, you still want to own another car one day and drive again. . . .

So far, i would commend you for your courage!. . . That's amazing!. . Despite the tragedy that you faced, you still have the confidence and faith that you can move forward with your life and you have not lost hope or given up!. . . You are doing very well so far!. . .

Now, you come across an amazing car, in prestine condition that is for sale. You know that you want to test the car out and maybe even buy it, because you admire it. . . But you still realize that the time is not yet. You are not ready for it. The trauma hasn't worn off.

In your case though, its more like the car wants you, than the other way around.

From your comments though, you seem as though you have good control over your emotions. That's a major advantage. You know what you want. You don't want to ruin a friendship. At the same time, you want nothing more than that.

The first thing i would advise you or anyone in a similar situation to do, after making it a matter of prayer, is speaking to an elder you are comfortable with. Even if he's from your former congregation. Preferably, someone who knows both you and this brother well. You will be amazed at how helpful they can be!

The elder would surely advise you the best way of handling this situation based also on his experience. He may have experience in judicial cases, and so may even forsee things that i cannot.

Maybe, i would suggest writing your thoughts out on paper, and handing it to him in a letter form. This is where a true test of character comes into play. If this brother is genuine and considerate and truly Christian, he would respect your feelings and immediately act. He would stop phone calls and give you both space and time.

If he does not act in that way immediately, you've discovered that he does not respect your feelings. That is an immediate "red flag".

So in other words, you can really kill two birds with one stone.