What a scripture to recall when you want to keep calm

[Julie1]

We all say things we shouldn't and we all want to restrain our tongue n out families, knowing overall it is the way that leads to peace, and sometimes you need to say something but want it to resolve the heat of a stressful conversation that pops up suddenly without warning.

I know the obvious like 

"An answer when mild turns away rage" 

How can you put this into practice without the other person thinking you are avoiding the topic.

And is there any other scriptures that are useful?

[LeslieDean]

James 1:19
"Be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath."

A family therapist that worked with my husband and myself would use this foundation during our sessions. He would say there is a big difference between avoidance and communication. He wanted us to practice to 'mirror' what we heard from each other with the goal to continue talking in order to resolve the issue. Sometimes people calm down simply because they feel heard. Before offering a solution, try repeating back what you heard: "So you're feeling frustrated because...". I always wanted to talk things out and Rick always wanted to ignore the issue. 

Then he would say sometimes if you are not getting anywhere try 

To ask the other for a time out. Not to avoid the issue but since it is highly charged to time to regain composure. When I started to study years later I found this scripture. Proverbs 17:14

"Before the quarrel breaks out, take your leave." I had to realize this applied to me. I finally began to understand trying to find a peaceful resolution sometimes met.purring aside your insistence to feel heard. The subject isn't avoided; it's postponed until it can be handled better. Ease up Leslie you can't always get your way.

Proverbs 12:18

"The tongue of the wise is a healing."

Before speaking, ask: "Will these words help solve the problem, or simply express my frustration?" I look back now and wonder if that therapist was a JW in the making or just able to discern human teaching and pull this out of classroom teaching. Anyway I can see even if someone is not a follower of Jehovah as long as they follow Bible principal whether known or unknown they can have success.

 

[Julie1]

Thanks.

I probably have read those scriptures a thousand times.

It is difficult being a carer for two sons in their 30s, one having  obvious needs because he has been ruined by mental health medication and the other one suffers anxiety but combines with a fiery personality, it's difficult to keep a rational composure every day all day 

It's exhausting.

Its reassuring when you see other people have experienced the scriptures as a useful tool and I think it was unusual for somebody in the world to use principles from the Bible .

But I don't think it's unheard of a lot of people do refer to scripture things as something heard over the generations..

There must be many signs from places like proverbs that people bring to mind in everyday language..

Sometimes you just need your Bible knowledge stoking up a little bit;)

I think people are very aware of the phrase think before you speak;)

That is practical in some situations. 

I wonder if there is any cultures where they are so laid back that even the confrontations are the very means of therapy to each other. Wouldn't that be ideal. 

It's probably why scriptural instructions are good to be a part of your life throughout the day. 

We never forget to eat our physical food do we. 

And there's other things we do regularly. 

And we think and plan so many things and consider so many things. 

These online discussions are helping me think about things a lot more. Spiritual things I mean:)

Thanks for sharing your experience.