TWEETS from Bible Characters

[Sunnyside]

Constantly updated are statuses on various social media. What would bible characters statuses like for Adam. Noah. Moses. Abraham read like?

I saw this somewhere had a good laugh and wanted to share added a few of my own too. So let's be creative. Here we go.

1. Guys its scary. Lots wife just turned into a pillar of salt #shaking

2. Eve and hubby just got banished. They ate the forbidden fruit. I mean who does that???

3. JACOB: The things we do for.love. Cant believe I served her dad for 14 years. #loveyourachel

4. ISAAC: Goodness Dad nearly sacrificed me. #Selfiewithram

5. Mary: Joseph is not replying my messages. Thinks I cheated. Grow up Duh!!

6. David: Guys this balcony is amazing. I can see everything. #femaleanatomy101

7. Jezebel: Victoria secrets is the bomb!

8. Samson: This chick sold me out. I am going to bring the roof down at this party!

9. Elijah: Did you see me fly or what #firstplaneEVER

10. Hannah: This chick Peninah didn't see it coming. #Jehovahrocks

[ReadYourBible]

Peter, looking out of the boat sees Jesus walking on water:  #JESUSISWALKINGONWATAHOLLA

Peter: gives it a try #triedandnearlydied

Peter after denying Jesus 3x: #3xifailedulordkillmenow

 

Jehovah (self explanatory): #IAMJEHOVAHZIPPERHEADS

Jehovah:(self explanatory):#IAMNOTATRINITYZIPPERHEADS

Jehovah before the great tribulation sends out a mass text to all:  #Seeyawouldntwannabeya

 

Jesus to Saul: #Iunderstandyourzealousbutquitkillingmyapostles

Jesus to Saul: #hahahanowyoureoneofus

[ReadYourBible]

Elijah to Baal's Prophets #ISHEONTHECAN?, #mygodisbetterthanurs, #killinallurfalseprophetselijah1jezzie0

[Sunnyside]

CAIN: @ the sacrifice

He just had to prefer the meat!

[Lilac Isosceles]

Zaccheus: #thismulberrytreeisreallyhardtoclimbwiththisdresson

[Julsey]

Zaccheus: #thismulberrytreeisreallyhardtoclimbwiththisdresson

LOL!

[Lilac Isosceles]

The criminal on Jesus' left.

#@golgothabetyoucantguesshowitweetedfromthisposition

Edited July 24, 2014 by Purple Triangle

[Greg Dent]

Marium after the leprosy #OMLa2ndpuberty

[Lorelaisbiggestfan]

Methuselah: my back is killing me today, just don't seem to have the energy I do when I was 800.

Moses: today was a bad day, broke my tablet(s).

Peter: great day in service. 3000 baptized in one day!

[niall]

Jonah: you'll never guess where I've been for the last 3 days!!

Jonah: anyone know how to get the smell of whale vomit out of clothes?

---

Serpent: hey @eve, wanna grab a bite later?

---

Eve: hey @adam, does this fig leaf make my bottom look big?

Eve: @adam??

Edited July 26, 2014 by niall

[John Doe]

Pharaoh: epic fail #crossingthenile

Edited July 27, 2014 by John Doe

[Greg Dent]

Wasn't  the Nile i was the Red Sea bro. 

[John Doe]

Wasn't the Nile i was the Red Sea bro.

Hence the epic fail

[JayMusicGirl]

I just looked up that term "zipperhead" because I've never heard it before and it said it's a derogatory term for Asian people coined during the Korean War. So Jehovah definitely wouldn't use that term. Maybe "suckers"? I think that's the word you're meaning, haha

Peter, looking out of the boat sees Jesus walking on water: #JESUSISWALKINGONWATAHOLLA

Peter: gives it a try #triedandnearlydied

Peter after denying Jesus 3x: #3xifailedulordkillmenow

Jehovah (self explanatory): #IAMJEHOVAHZIPPERHEADS

Jehovah:(self explanatory):#IAMNOTATRINITYZIPPERHEADS

Jehovah before the great tribulation sends out a mass text to all: #Seeyawouldntwannabeya

Jesus to Saul: #Iunderstandyourzealousbutquitkillingmyapostles

Jesus to Saul: #hahahanowyoureoneofus

[ReadYourBible]

Odd, I never knew that. A zipperhead to me was basically an idiot.

Also, here it doesn't mean the same thing at all.

http://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/zipperhead

Edited July 28, 2014 by cerebral ecstasy

[Catalyst]

Lazarus, after his resurrection:

 

#sureisdarkinhere

[JayMusicGirl]

It's really a shame it had to be created and used in that manner, it sounds like a cool word (or weird, if you imagine a person with a zipper as a head or on their head) if you ask me. I can't wait for the days when there's no derogatory terms for anyone, when you're just you, not "a" or "an" something.

Odd, I never knew that. A zipperhead to me was basically an idiot.

Also, here it doesn't mean the same thing at all.

http://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/zipperhead

[Catalyst]

Jonah

# I'mhavingawhaleofatime

[Trina]

Samson: #Hair extensions!

[John Doe]

Samson: #Hair extensions!

Or:

#BadHairDay

[Catalyst]

Moses:

#IhavenothingtodowithRoses

Edited August 19, 2014 by Catalyst

[Catalyst]

From Jezebel

 

#Ineverdidlikedogs

[Sunnyside]

Lol....

That Jezebel one is funny. Cracked me up

[MzT]

Jonah - Woke up with seaweed in my hair and smelling like fish.  Then realized I was #swimmingwithdabigfish(es)

[MzT]

Elijah - Marathon?  Marathons are for wimps.  I do 100-mile endurance runs.