Explaining a belief to worldly family

[Tala]

So my boyfriend/fiance will have no place to live for two months. I asked my rich family if they could spare their guest houses and they do not understand why he can't stay with me. That part is relatively simple to explain. However It is difficult to explain why he can't stay at my moms house. She is legally separated and lives alone. So far I have treacherous heart, what onlookers will see and assume, and that incest DOES happen in the world and that if you had asked most guilty parties, they would say that they never thought they would do that. My family has a habit of going to my mom when I stand up for my faith because they think I am brainwashed and that she is responsible, however my mom is not spiritually strong and does not know why she believes what she does. Prayers appreciated and advice needed. Thanks. Agape brothers and Sisters.

[Daniela]

Is your boyfriend/fiance a brother? Did he try to find something? Maybe he could stay for 2 months with some other brother/family from your congregation...

[Joey]

Hi Alicia,Do you live with your mom? If not can you stay with mom and let your fiance' have your place for two months?

When we were engaged a very kind elder and his wife let me have their spare room for several months until we got married.

Is there anyone like that in your life?

[Tala]

He is definately a brother! I have a roommate so I would be putting a single girl with him! And we've been searching his hall and mine and no one has any extra space. He'll be living in his car most likely. And with this winter, I am praying a lot. His dad said he can't stay with him either. Controlling stepmom. Very worried.

[trottigy]

Where are you 2 going to live after you marry?

[Tala]

My place.

[trottigy]

My place.

Wont he "be alone" at times with this single sister that is your roommate? I am just wondering if you have thought this through?

I wish you the best and suggest discussing these things with your local elders. Have they expressed an opinion?

[GrumpysWife]

As usual, great advice Jerry. Surely the elders can give you some good pointers on what he can do. The car should not be an option. Too dangerous. Pray, as I am sure you have, for Jehovah's guidance. Grumpy and I would let him stay with us, but the comute would be costly.

[Tala]

Yeah yeah jerry. No I was saying my place isn't an option because of that. Been praying like crazy. Thanks. Truly his only option right now is his car. Will be giving him sleeping bags and such.

[LindaL.]

I don't know what houses are like in the USA but over here in Italy, I've slept on a mattress on the floor in my little store-room, while my husband slept in the armchair, so that our circuit overseer could have our bedroom. In Australia, while travelling, we've bedded down on a blow-up mattress on the floor at brothers' homes.

Could your fiance do something similar? I'd imagine that sleeping on the floor at a brother's home would be safer (and warmer) than sleeping in the car.

[Tala]

That would be great if there was a brother willing to do so. Thus far, no one. He just moved back from georgia and doesn't have many contacts. I have tried 2 congregations.

[trottigy]

Alicia, to your original question - i think your explanation in your original post is good. You are concerned about any impropriety or even the possibly of impropriety.

I think you will run into trouble explaining this and then telling them that he is then moving into a situation where DAILY you will have the possibility of impropriety - between him and your roommate. Your are a beautiful young woman - I am certain your roommate is also.

I would like to be blunt in the hope of getting you to think about your situation and future because we care about our sisters. Here goes:

1 Tim 5:8 says "Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith."

If he is unable to even provide for himself right now - how will he be able to provide for you? Please consider this question.

Wouldn't it be better for him to go back to where he was prior to this, get his fiscal house in order and be able to provide a place for the both of you BEFORE you get married? It is easier to resolve these things - prior to marriage then after where now 2 imperfect people are tackling this. The number one cause for arguments among newly weds is ...... MONEY. Why start with a negative situation?

This is the reason for my asking about talking with the elders. I am certain one of them has orwould bring this up.

I ask and say this in the hopes of getting you to consider this situation before the marriage happens. Then you can have a husband who is providing for you and giving you what you need - what you DESERVE scripturally. He too will feel better that he can take care of his business and not HAVE to have some one else do that for him. The more confident he is as a head of his family the better he will be at other matters as well.

Please take this in the spirit it is given - care for you and him and consider these things - Prov 22:3 - "3 Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty."

[Joey]

I love Jerry's practical advice. My husband actually had bought and paid off our home,which he was living in, our car, etc and we had very few expenses when we married.It allowed us to engage in the full-time work together for the first 4 years we were married.Which I am certain is why we have lasted despite the trials that came later. We had a solid foundation .

[Tala]

I can appreciate that advice Jerry. Yeah it has been mentioned but the specific situation is if both of us have a job, we will be fine. His roommate kicked him out with a two day notice. He definatley can provide. But we plan on getting married in a few months and he would have to rent and then break a lease. Nowhere will rent for 2 months. It's circumstantial. Good word to use to explain to family jerry, thanks.

[ReadYourBible]

What about a hostel? Traveller's stay in them all the time, they're relatively cheap.

[Tala]

Whew thanks friends. He has a place to stay. A few places opened up here. Thank you!