Every Congregation Has Them

[Lilac Isosceles]

THE STORYTELLER: THE PUBLISHER YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY FROM

 

THE GREETER: THE PUBLISHER WHO MAKES IT THEIR GOAL TO SAY "HI, HOW YA DOIN'?" TO EVERY PERSON IN THE HALL

 

THE LOVER: THE SISTER WHO HUGS AND KISSES EVERYBODY

 

THE LIL' RACER: THE YOUNG BOY WHO IS ALWAYS SITTING IN A CHAIR FOR RUNNING AROUND THE HALL

 

THE EVACUATORS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO RACE TO THE DOOR WHEN THE MEETING FINISHES

 

THE VENTRILOQUIST: THE BROTHER WHO SINGS WITH HIS MOUTH SHUT

 

PAVAROTTI: THE PUBLISHER SINGING BEHIND YOU WHO CONVINCES YOU YOU'RE MUTE

 

THE 4TH MAN: THE PUBLISHER WHO IS ALWAYS GIVING IMPROMPTU TALKS 

 

THE ESCAPEE: THE PUBLISHER WHO RUNS AWAY WHEN GIVEN A TALK ASSIGNMENT SLIP

 

THE SEASON TICKET HOLDERS: THE FAMILIES WHO ALWAYS SIT IN THE EXACT SAME SEATS  

 

RIP VAN WINKLE: THE OLDER BROTHER WHO WAKES UP FOR THE CLOSING SONG AND PRAYER

 

THE WHIPLASH KIDS: THE SLEEPING KIDS WHOSE HEADS SPRING UP AND DOWN WITH VIOLENT JERKS

 

THE RAMBLER: YOU CAN COUNT ON THIS BROTHER GOING OVERTIME ON HIS TALKS

 

THE WALLFLOWER: THE BROTHERS WHO DECORATE THE WALLS DURING THE MEETINGS

 

THE ADJUSTER: THE SPEAKER WHO ALWAYS HAS TO ADJUST THE MIKE FOR HIMSELF

 

THE HIGHLIGHTERS: THE SISTERS WHO USE FIVE DIFFERENT COLOURED MARKERS TO UNDERLLINE THEIR WATCHTOWERS

 

THE UNDERLINERS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO UNDERLINE EVERY WORD OF EVERY PARAGRAPH IN THEIR WATCHTOWERS

 

THE FRESHEN UPS: THE SISTERS WHO SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME IN THE LADIES ROOM

 

THE WEAK KIDNEY KIDS: THE KIDS WHO ARE ALWAYS IN AND OUT OF THE TOILETS

 

THE FRANTIC ONE: THE ELDER WHO ALWAYS HAS PAPERS TO HAND OUT

 

THE ASSIGNER: THE ELDER WHO IS ALWAYS BUSY ASSIGNING JOBS TO MINISTERIAL SERVANTS BEFORE AND AFTER THE MEETING

 

THE PHANTOM: THE BROTHER WHO IS ALWAYS MISSING WHEN HE HAS A DUTY

 

THE SATURDAY MORNING PREACHER: THE BROTHER CONDUCTING THE MEETING FOR FIELD SERVICE WHO TALKS FOR HALF AN HOUR

 

MISS DAISY: THE UNSATISFIED SISTER THAT YOU DRIVE AROUND IN SERVICE AND ALWAYS HAS A PERSONAL REQUEST

 

THE MEDITATORS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO PREFER TO LISTEN TO THE MEETINGS AND MEDITATE WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED

 

THE AMISH: PUBLISHERS WHO DON'T USE MIKES.....THEY SPEAK RIGHT OUT

 

THE SCREAMERS: THE KIDS WHO WANT TO BE HEARD

 

THE OBLIVIOUS ONES: THE SISTERS WHO NO ONE CAN HEAR BECAUSE THEY HOLD THE MIKE ON THEIR LAP WHILE THEY'RE TALKING

 

THE KNUCKLEBALLER: THE PUBLISHER WHO THROWS CURVE BALLS TO THE CONDUCTOR BY THEIR WACKO COMMENTS

 

THE ABC'ERS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO WITHOUT FAIL ANSWER THE B AND C QUESTIONS TOO

 

THE MAGICIAN: THE CONDUCTOR WHO WANTS YOU TO READ HIS MIND FOR THE ANSWERS

 

SCHOOL CONDUCTORS

 

THE TERMINATOR: HE NEVER PASSES ANYBODY ESPECIALLY HIS WIFE

 

THE CLOCKMAN: HE COUNSELS EVERY PUBLISHER ON TIMING

 

THE UTOPIAN DREAMER: HE ONLY EVER GIVES POSITIVE COUNSEL BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT

 

THE ENCORE GIVER: HE GIVES AN ENCORE PRESENTATION OF THE INFORMATION AFTER EVERY TALK

 

THE TALK SLIP FORGETTER: THE ONE WHO ALWAYS HAS TO GO BACK TO HIS SEAT TO GET THE STUDENT'S SLIP

 

HOW MANY CAN YOU TICK OFF?

 

 

 

[Miss Bea]

Well, this may have more categories then we have publishers, trying to figure out where I fit. Guess I am an evacuator. I try not to be one, all the time anyway. But that trip home is some 45 minutes, and when you go in tired.....but where is the one who can give a 5 minute impromptu, that in reality was an answer from the floor. I tell myself, no, you are not going to time him. That's mean. Then someone raises their hand and gives the answer in a concise sentence.

[GrumpysWife]

We have several of these in our congregation: The Fashion Police

[Abbyz]

THE STORYTELLER: THE PUBLISHER YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY FROM

 

THE GREETER: THE PUBLISHER WHO MAKES IT THEIR GOAL TO SAY "HI, HOW YA DOIN'?" TO EVERY PERSON IN THE HALL

 

THE LOVER: THE SISTER WHO HUGS AND KISSES EVERYBODY

 

THE LIL' RACER: THE YOUNG BOY WHO IS ALWAYS SITTING IN A CHAIR FOR RUNNING AROUND THE HALL

 

THE EVACUATORS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO RACE TO THE DOOR WHEN THE MEETING FINISHES

 

THE VENTRILOQUIST: THE BROTHER WHO SINGS WITH HIS MOUTH SHUT

 

PAVAROTTI: THE PUBLISHER SINGING BEHIND YOU WHO CONVINCES YOU YOU'RE MUTE

 

THE 4TH MAN: THE PUBLISHER WHO IS ALWAYS GIVING IMPROMPTU TALKS 

 

THE ESCAPEE: THE PUBLISHER WHO RUNS AWAY WHEN GIVEN A TALK ASSIGNMENT SLIP

 

THE SEASON TICKET HOLDERS: THE FAMILIES WHO ALWAYS SIT IN THE EXACT SAME SEATS  

 

RIP VAN WINKLE: THE OLDER BROTHER WHO WAKES UP FOR THE CLOSING SONG AND PRAYER

 

THE WHIPLASH KIDS: THE SLEEPING KIDS WHOSE HEADS SPRING UP AND DOWN WITH VIOLENT JERKS

 

THE RAMBLER: YOU CAN COUNT ON THIS BROTHER GOING OVERTIME ON HIS TALKS

 

THE WALLFLOWER: THE BROTHERS WHO DECORATE THE WALLS DURING THE MEETINGS

 

THE ADJUSTER: THE SPEAKER WHO ALWAYS HAS TO ADJUST THE MIKE FOR HIMSELF

 

THE HIGHLIGHTERS: THE SISTERS WHO USE FIVE DIFFERENT COLOURED MARKERS TO UNDERLLINE THEIR WATCHTOWERS

 

THE UNDERLINERS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO UNDERLINE EVERY WORD OF EVERY PARAGRAPH IN THEIR WATCHTOWERS

 

THE FRESHEN UPS: THE SISTERS WHO SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME IN THE LADIES ROOM

 

THE WEAK KIDNEY KIDS: THE KIDS WHO ARE ALWAYS IN AND OUT OF THE TOILETS

 

THE FRANTIC ONE: THE ELDER WHO ALWAYS HAS PAPERS TO HAND OUT

 

THE ASSIGNER: THE ELDER WHO IS ALWAYS BUSY ASSIGNING JOBS TO MINISTERIAL SERVANTS BEFORE AND AFTER THE MEETING

 

THE PHANTOM: THE BROTHER WHO IS ALWAYS MISSING WHEN HE HAS A DUTY

 

THE SATURDAY MORNING PREACHER: THE BROTHER CONDUCTING THE MEETING FOR FIELD SERVICE WHO TALKS FOR HALF AN HOUR

 

MISS DAISY: THE UNSATISFIED SISTER THAT YOU DRIVE AROUND IN SERVICE AND ALWAYS HAS A PERSONAL REQUEST

 

THE MEDITATORS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO PREFER TO LISTEN TO THE MEETINGS AND MEDITATE WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED

 

THE AMISH: PUBLISHERS WHO DON'T USE MIKES.....THEY SPEAK RIGHT OUT

 

THE SCREAMERS: THE KIDS WHO WANT TO BE HEARD

 

THE OBLIVIOUS ONES: THE SISTERS WHO NO ONE CAN HEAR BECAUSE THEY HOLD THE MIKE ON THEIR LAP WHILE THEY'RE TALKING

 

THE KNUCKLEBALLER: THE PUBLISHER WHO THROWS CURVE BALLS TO THE CONDUCTOR BY THEIR WACKO COMMENTS

 

THE ABC'ERS: THE PUBLISHERS WHO WITHOUT FAIL ANSWER THE B AND C QUESTIONS TOO

 

THE MAGICIAN: THE CONDUCTOR WHO WANTS YOU TO READ HIS MIND FOR THE ANSWERS

 

SCHOOL CONDUCTORS

 

THE TERMINATOR: HE NEVER PASSES ANYBODY ESPECIALLY HIS WIFE

 

THE CLOCKMAN: HE COUNSELS EVERY PUBLISHER ON TIMING

 

THE UTOPIAN DREAMER: HE ONLY EVER GIVES POSITIVE COUNSEL BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT

 

THE ENCORE GIVER: HE GIVES AN ENCORE PRESENTATION OF THE INFORMATION AFTER EVERY TALK

 

THE TALK SLIP FORGETTER: THE ONE WHO ALWAYS HAS TO GO BACK TO HIS SEAT TO GET THE STUDENT'S SLIP

 

HOW MANY CAN YOU TICK OFF?

 

Classic..... We have them. Those in RED.

[feather]

never saw this list before but it was in my head at Wed night meeting... as I looked around our congregation finding myself realizing we had some of them too,

had to hold back the silent chuckles.

[Julsey]

In my last congregation, we had a really sweet sister who was lovingly named 'The Great Tribulation,' because you never knew when she was going to arrive - for field service, meetings, etc.  LOL.  ;)