Would You Have Gone Fishing?

[dubois]

What would you have done in this situation (note neither are believers)....

 

Dad loves fishing and is given a unique opportunity to go salmon fishing in Canada. He invites my brother to go with him.... just the two of them for some healthy dad/son time together just fishing.  My brother sort of likes fishing -- but a whole week of it doesn't sound like a good time. So my brother makes a fake excuse he can't get time off work.  Since son "can't go" dad doesn't either, and never asks him to join him on a father / son vacation again. 

 

Five years later dad is in the hospital for a routinue matter and unexpectedly dies at the hospital.  From the funeral on, my brother shares with me his extreme quilt for not going salmon fishing.....and still feels guilty 12 years later.

 

My question is ... would you have gone salmon fishing even though you really didn't like it?

[GrumpysWife]

Yes especially if he never asked before. Even though I had a terrible relationship with my father and mother, I tried to be available whenever they requested my presents, which wasn't often.

 

Sad for your brother.

Edited June 1, 2013 by GrumpysWife

[LeslieDean]

I would have gone.  We just make those sacrifices (of time, money, etc) for the ones we love or for the ones we want to improve our relationship with.  We want to endear ourselves to them and that can involve many things.  One week of fishing could have opened the floodgates of finding out about each other.

[JudyO]

I think if everything else in the relationship was fine,  one isolated incident wouldn't have such a lasting impact on your brother's feelings. But maybe it was the "straw that broke the camel's back".......just the incident that defined everything else that was missing in the relationship.

 

Hopefully, he'll get a chance to make amends in the resurrection. One can always hope.

[Dave]

I would have loved it if my Dad asked me to go fishing with him, but he never asked. And he's probably not likely to now as he's a very sick man.

 

The only thing he's invited me to in the last 20 odd years was his birthday parties and I had to say no each time. I would've gone fishing with him any day. It happened once or twice when I was a kid but not any more. 

[trottigy]

I think i am still missing some info:

1. Do i have kids and do they have any events diring that time d what are they?

2. How is my health?

3. When i spoke with my wife about it - what did she say?

4. Do we have any plans for that date - district convention, vacation, circuit, etc?

5. How is dad to be around? Do we get along? Is he imviting me only to harass me about my life choiches?

6. You didn't mention - your brother a witness?

It seems every situation is different and tough to judge unless you are in that moment.

[GrumpysWife]

What would you have done in this situation (note neither are believers)....

 

 

She did mention they were not believers, Jerry. Your other questions are good though. I never think to ask questions.

[trottigy]

I just wonder - something caused him to NOT want to go - what was it? Sea sickness - a week on a boat could kill me. There just isn't enough here to understand the original motive.

[dubois]

Hi Jerry - Great questions! Hope this clairifes......

 

We weren't in the truth (I'm the only witness in our family currently).  We all got along just fine, and in fact at the time, my younger brother was an unmarried 20 something that like to go to play videos with his buddies. He had no plans at the time of dad's big vacation ... he simply didn't like to fish. 

 

Dad's health was fine and his "thermostate" seemed to be set lower than mom's (lol)  so going on an outing with him was more of a treat and not an interrogation of life choices (that's mom's department <wink wink smile>).

 

As for mom, she didn't like to go fishing but would gladly cook whatever he caught (although dad had to clean the fish). As for the trip, she thought it would be a good dad / son bonding time together.

 

The one statement you shared (about being on a boat all week...)  that's a good thought -- I'm not sure if it was going on a boat all week or not. 

[trottigy]

Did he ever tell you why he didn't want to go?

 

It is always hard to look back and feel sorry for decisions you wish you could make differently. Sometimes it can be productive to look, but only if it motivates you to change the now and the future. If it only makes you miserable and NO changes - it is really futile.  "Better is the seeing by the eyes than the walking about of the soul.This too is vanity and a striving after the wind." (Eccl 6:9)

[dubois]

"  Did he ever tell you why he didn't want to go? "

 

Back then he was 20 something and more into being with his buddies then going on a vacation with family. 

 

When dad died, he shared his regret with me. I asked him why he didn't take advantange of an all expense paid trip to go salmon fishing -- he shrugged and said back then he didn't feel like it 'cause he didn't care for fishing.