'Pure Obsessional' Compulsive Disorder (Pure O-OCD)

[EccentricM]

Reading the recent thread about Paul and the thorn in his side, I really struck a chord as I know how he feels. 

 

I'v been struggling myself. Early this year I really did some personal "cleansing", spiritually, I really upped my spiritual game to the max and gave up some very deep  dedicated passions and hobbies which I found out were pagan practices, cleaned out any entertainment that I felt was not suitable for Christian entertainment, doing more study, Bible reading etc. But ever since I have developed Pure O-OCD. (A form of OCD that is absent of physical compulsions and rituals) Constant obsessions regarding multiple themes, usually  about existential, or philosophical issues. Intrusive thoughts, extreme rumination and so on.

 

I'v had my latest one for the last few days now.  Questioning why I'm choosing to be a good person, not  an evil person etc.  Looking for consciousness beyond consciousness, or the reason of choice beyond the reason of choice. 

 

The intrusive thoughts throw at me images of violent acts towards my loved ones, which I'd never do, but then the thoughts demand answers of "why" I don't want to,  beyond the fact that they are bad, and I just don't want to because... I don't want to because that's who I am and the choice I make. The thoughts will just keep going on in an infinite loop.  "Yeah but why?" and threatens that if I do not come up with an answer then I will have no reason to not carry out these horrible thoughts.

 

I wake to it on my mind, go to bed with it on my mind. If it wasn't for  that, everything would be perfect. 

 

 

As if an angel of Satan wants to prevent 'me' from being  "overly exalted" in my efforts to improve myself... 

 

I'v always been an enthusiastic person, a type with a tendency to get really engrossed into hobbies and specific subjects. So not surprisingly my mind is prone to developing such a type of anxiety disorder. No idea if anyone else here has experienced it or know others with it?

Edited July 5, 2017 by EccentricM

[Shawnster]

6 hours ago, EccentricM said:

 

I'v been struggling myself. Early this year I really did some personal "cleansing", spiritually, I really upped my spiritual game to the max and gave up some very deep  dedicated passions and hobbies which I found out were pagan practices, cleaned out any entertainment that I felt was not suitable for Christian entertainment, doing more study, Bible reading etc. But ever since I have developed Pure O-OCD. (A form of OCD that is absent of physical compulsions and rituals)

 

I don't want to sound snarky, so apologies if it comes across as such.  Was this an official diagnosis from a doctor or is it a Google/self diagnosis?

[EccentricM]

25 minutes ago, Shawnster said:

 

I don't want to sound snarky, so apologies if it comes across as such.  Was this an official diagnosis from a doctor or is it a Google/self diagnosis?

I'v been seeing doctors for some time now (over 5 years) who diagnosed me with several types of anxiety disorders over time, but they keep changing it. Therapists have said I had GAD (generalised anxiety disorder), but that's what I used to have, I got treated for/dealt with that. That was an anxiety disorder which is just panic attacks and general fear, a panic cycle I was stuck in (agoraphobia), but now I seem to have this. An anxiety disorder which is marked by obsessions and changes in themes, all which are panic inducing and cause depersonalisation.  

 

I have had all the symptoms of the condition listed that you can find. I'm also currently undergoing tests for other possible conditions, such as autism spectrum, dyspraxia (which my father has), ADHD. I have symptoms of them all, however they are all related to each other and can cross over/multi-diagnosis. The only exception is that I do not have the social autism symptoms in my tests. So, it's been a wild ride, along with a whole lot of red tape and long waiting lists. 

 

As for the Pure OCD, it matches me perfectly in my current state. Obsessions which come along with panic. Various theme changes, intrusive thoughts, ruminations which take over the victims life and so on.  I can spend literally hours a day, consistently ruminating over certain  philosophical anxieties and crazy ideas even when I don't want to, begging it (and to Jehovah) for it to go away.

 

This article here has described many of my experiences in "perfection". I don't get anxious over every day normal anxieties. I deal with life rather well in that respect. It's problems that don't exist which cause my anxiety and obsessing.  (think back to my thread on the customs and people not walking). 

 

https://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/various-subtypes-of-pure-o-ocd/

 

I have been through a few of these themes and have experienced the listed behaviours and traits of the condition.  

 

I wrote a blog on my story and experiences of my anxiety and other mental health issues from  where they started to my current state. If it adds any insight or if anyone is interested. (Nobody has to read it since it's a long read.) 

 

https://theuniverseofeccentricm.wordpress.com/2017/07/01/me-anxiety-and-my-pure-o-ocd/ 

 

 

Edited July 5, 2017 by EccentricM

[Shawnster]

Thanks, Matthew.  Interesting.

Just now, EccentricM said:

I'v been seeing doctors for some time now (over 5 years) who diagnosed with several types of anxiety disorders over time

 

 

 

That's because those doctors are only practicing!  

 

[EccentricM]

39 minutes ago, Shawnster said:

Thanks, Matthew.  Interesting.

 

That's because those doctors are only practicing!  

 

Well, you'd be amazed. To get anywhere, I had to push them. My doctor actually asked 'me' to look up and list the conditions of the various disorders I identified with myself, because I (and I quote directly); "Knew more than he did on the subject." 

 

I tried to get moved on to specialist psychiatrists,  which I had to wait several weeks to reply, who.. for some reason refused to see me. When I asked my doctor why, he said they literally stated no reason and just wanted me to see normal therapists (Who I had 'already been with' several times, hence my desire to be moved on to specialists).  Then he sent me somewhere else who he thought could refer me to them with more authority, which turned out to be a waste of time since those people were just therapists (who I had been with before) for normal anxiety and had no say or power what so ever to diagnose me with anything or to direct me anywhere. So they referred me back to my doctor again who I told to ask the psychiatrists again to see me, who wont see me. So now I'm on the long route to getting to the bottom of my issues by having to see all the separate specialists of multiple individual conditions via a long winded process of elimination...

 

 

Edited July 5, 2017 by EccentricM

[dove]

You might do better with google..