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The Middle Wife


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The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one

I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students.

It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,

model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations

on them.. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the

front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,

and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder

with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind

her back and groans. 'She walked aroundthe house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'

(Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife.. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the

Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this..'

(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just

blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'

(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but

never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky

stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys

inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the

loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another

'Middle Wife' comes along.

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So cute Vernalee! Should we make this a thread about the funny things our kids have said? I have one or two...

When my daughter was 4 years old, she asked me how long she would be a little girl. I said, oh, about 5 more years. Then you'll be an older girl, then a teenager, then a young lady.......and then she interrupted me and said with a happy smile...AND THEN A FIREMAN!!!

Another time, her dad was out in the garage cleaning his guns. She asked him, "what do you shoot at, daddy?" He replied, "targets." TARGETS! she said!! What if someone's in there?

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So cute Vernalee! Should we make this a thread about the funny things our kids have said? I have one or two...

When my daughter was 4 years old, she asked me how long she would be a little girl. I said, oh, about 5 more years. Then you'll be an older girl, then a teenager, then a young lady.......and then she interrupted me and said with a happy smile...AND THEN A FIREMAN!!!

Another time, her dad was out in the garage cleaning his guns. She asked him, "what do you shoot at, daddy?" He replied, "targets." TARGETS! she said!! What if someone's in there?

This was years ago but I will never forget it. My friend was pregnant & her shirt said "YES I AM". Her son, just learning to read very slowly reads it & asks "WHAT'S THE QUESTION?":whistling:

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