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Badr

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Hello everyone! i haven't posted for a while for some personal reasons i can't share! but i missed you all!

in the time i was a way.. i wrote a little something in arabic originally.. i just translated it today ( in a very poor way)  and wanted to share it with you..

HOPE YOU LIKE IT!! ( i will share it in arabic aswell incase there someone who speaks arabic.. its way better in arabic -wink -wink )

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*   Jehovah my God and heavenly father.

today i know you way better than i used to, i start to feel that i am closer to you.
i start to feel that you are closer to me.
maybe you've always been this close, and i just wasn't aware of that.
does this happen because i finally decided to open my heart, and love?

Maybe...
but in a way i think that from our birth we all born with our hearts inclined to love everything.

but with time passes.. all the bad and hurtful things in our lives.. makes This desire for love fades away..
fades with the harshness of the days we face..
but my beloved God, recently your words opened my eyes.

made me understand this life more.

made me see its beauty, and how great she actually is.

understand the pretty that exist in its  ambiguity sometimes..
made me open my heart to love. and that made me see you in everything.
because in all simplicity, a greatness like this can't be founded but from someone as great as you.
before i know you, i was sad and anxious for many reasons..
i didn't feel that you love me. or at least i haven't even thought of that.

but also.. i wasn't happy enough to love you.

i used to think that for me to appreciate you i have to be happy first. and when i'm happy with you i can love you.

but now i'm wiser, your words in your book made me understand, that happiness isn't this thing we see in novels or movies..
but its something deeper than that.
something inside me. something that there no words to explain that feeling.
i become aware that happiness is an Inner conviction.. 
it's a conviction inside of me.

and i become aware of the meaning of love, which is. that feeling that makes you want to do things for the one you love.

to sacrifice yourself for him.. to serve him with your whole soul and emotions.

this is how i feel toward you my beloved God.
i want to share your word with the whole world. i want to make from myself an image that makes you happy.
and if the whole world stands against your will, i won't hesitate for a second to give the life you gived me, or even a thousand more if i had it.

this much, i love you. and this much, I wish to please you,

 O most compassionate thing in existence.
 i wish to say thank you!
thank you because i wouldn't arrive here if not for your love to me.

or from your help by your holy spirit in all my way.

please do not stop from helping me. because i'm nothing without you.
and you are aware of that more than me or than anyone else.
so thank you once more.
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يهوه إلهي و ابي..
اليوم اعرفك على نحو افضل بكثير.. صرت اشعر اني أقرب منك.. أشعر انك اقرب مني..
ربما انت كنت دوما بهذا القرب، لكني لم أكن أشعر بذلك.
هل يحدث هذا لأني اخيرا قررت أن افتح قلبي و احب؟
ربما.. كلنا بطريقة ما مند ان نولد وقلبنا يميل ان يحب كل شيء.. لكن مع مرور الوقت.. و مرارة تجاربنا في الحياة.. تندثر هذه الرغبة في الحب.. لتتلاشى مع قساوة الأيام..
لكن يا ربي.. مؤخرا كلامك فتح عيني..
جعلني افهم الحياة اكثر. جعلني افهم روعتها. افهم الجمال الساكن في غموضها احيانا..
جعلني افتح قلبي للحب.. و هذا الأخير جعلني أراك في كل شيء.
فببساطة لا يمكن لروعة كهذه.. إلا أن تكون قد نتجت عن إله رائع مثلك.
قبل أن أعرفك.. كنت اشعر بالغبن لأشياء كثيرة. كنت أشعر انك لا تحبني.. او على الاقل لم اكن افكر بذلك اصلا...
لكنني أيضا لم أكن سعيدا بما فيه الكفاية لأحبك. و كنت اعتقد اني يجب أن أكون سعيدا لاشعر بالإمتنان لك.. وبالتالي لاحبك.
لكنني الان أعرف اكثر عن كل شيء.. جعلتني كلماتك في كتابك افهم ان السعادة ليست تلك التي تظهر في الأفلام او في الروايات.. بل هي شيء اعمق من ذلك...
تعجز الكلمات ان تصف ذلك الشعور..
صرت افهم ان السعادة هي قناعة داخلية.. هي رضى في داخلي..
وصرت افهم ان الحب هو ذلك الشعور الذي يجعلك ترغب بالقيام بمختلف الأشياء لذلك الذي تحب.. ان تضحي بنفسك من أجله.. ان تخدمه بكل روحك و عواطفك.
هكذا يا ربي اشعر تجاهك..
أرغب ان انشر كلامك على كل بقاع الأرض.. أرغب ان اجعل من نفسي صورة ترضيك. ولو وقف العالم كله ضد مشيئتك.. لن اتردد للثانية من ان امنح هذه الحياة التي وهبتني لك. و الف اخرى لو كنت املكها.
لهذه الدرجة صرت احبك.. و لهذه الدرجة أرغب في أن ارضيك يا احن ما في الوجود.
فشكرا جزيلا لك.. لأنني لم أكن لأصل لهنا لولا حبك لي.. و مساعدتك بواسطة روحك القدوس لي في طريقي..
و ارجوا منك الا تتوقف عن دعمك لي.. لأنني لا شيء بدونك. و انت اعلم بذلك مني.. و من اي احد غيري.
فشكرا لك مرة أخرى.

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JWTalk 23.8.11 (changelog)