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English is a crazy language!


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Nice, Shirley! (tu)

I found some more...

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy?

Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess?

Why do we call it newsprint when it contains no printing but when we put print on it, we call it a newspaper?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

Why -- in this crazy language -- can your nose run and your feet smell?

or these...http://www.funnypictures24.com/funny2/funnysmiley92.gif

In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?

Why do they call them apartments when they're all together?

Why do we call them buildings, when they're already built?

Why it is called a TV set when you get only one?

Why is phonetic not spelled phonetically?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?

Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Why is diminutive so undiminutive?

Why does the word monosyllabic consist of five syllables?

Why is there no synonym for synonym or thesaurus?

And why, pray tell, does lisp have an s in it?

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Love is one of those words

I love you.

I love your eyes

I love you enough to marry me . La! Di! Da!

I love to fish.

I love to surf

you must love your Neighbor.

you must encourage one another through love

1 Corinthians 13. List the word love in many ways.

I love seeing you at the meetings.

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Europe English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!

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One more....

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

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