Life's lessons : How to criticize and not be hated for it

[daydream]

These tips are from “How to win friends and influence people’’, the book of Dale Carnegie.

Quote

3.Remove the negative words into a critique

Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child's careless attitude toward studies, we might say, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better."

In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word "but." He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie's attitude toward his studies.

This could be easily overcome by changing the word "but" to "and." "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others."

Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly and there are more chances he will try to live up to our expectations.

 

 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-criticize-hated-jean-d-amour-ntibitura

Spoiler

1. Praise the opposite of what is wrong

 Charles Schwab was passing through one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said "No Smoking." Did Schwab point to the sign and say, "Can't you read? Oh, no not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, "I'll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside." They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule - and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn't keep from loving a man like that, could you?

 

[dove]

I had this book for many years. My husband even took classes in our area based on the teachings of this book. When he finished the course he was asked to stay and teach.

I always thought the thoughts and principles taught by Dale Carnegie were the same as what the Bible taught us first...starting with the  Golden Rule. .and what we still learn and teach on the Ministry School..