Sigh...Just Another Lesson In Humility For Tim

[Timl1980]

It all started with a text...just a simple stupid text message.

 

I hardly even gave it a glance at first...I was out on my cheese route...and I barely had time to read the first couple of sentences before my attention was diverted to a question from a customer regarding our Sharp Cheddar.

 

After returning to my work van...I took a moment to read this brothers text...and during the 45-minute drive to my next stop...I pondered how to respond to the question he had buried in the three paragraphs of his scattered thoughts.

 

I prayed about it and, after arriving to my next stop...I performed a quick search for a point that had formed in my mind and, after copying and pasting a few portions of the article I had found...followed by my own general thoughts about the situation...I hit send.

 

And...just like that...I messed up.

 

Of course, I didn't realize it at that moment...no, it wasn't until days and days later that the full import of what I had done finally hit home...but the simple and plain truth is...I should have never done what I did...this is one instance where I should have kept my opinions and my personal thoughts to myself.

 

I won't go into detail about the situation...just suffice it to say that, even though my intentions were good...I had no business stepping into a dispute between a husband and his wife.

 

True...I had no idea that this what I was actually getting myself into, (it wasn't presented as such), ...but I could have asked some questions...I should have investigated a little more before I just walked right up to that ledge and walked straight off it into the mess that followed.

 

Again, I won't go into details...but suffice it to say that I was contacted by a couple of elders from this brother's hall...and was then made aware that my words, along with the article I had used...had started a firestorm between the two parties. They acknowledged that, although technically I was correct in how I had applied the article and the scriptures used therein...I was not aware of all the details involved in the situation...and thus it would have been better for me to tell the brother that he should ask that same question to his local elders.

 

As you can imagine...I stumbled and fumbled around...looking for any words that could justify my actions...and finally I just sighed deeply and apologized profusely...asking what I could do now...if anything...to fix what I had unwittingly messed up?

 

They simply said to leave the matter lay for now...and if I was contacted by either party...to apologize and say I am out of it.

 

The elders both said they knew I hadn't done this to get involved...they also said this brother shouldn't have come to me at all...and had apparently only done so because he knows I like to do a lot of research...and thus would likely be able to find something that could be used to prove this brother's point...but then one of the elders, (who knows me very very well), asked me a question which completely threw me off...and the resulting conversation is what I am choosing to share this morning...because maybe it will help someone else who is in my shoes...or who has been in them.

 

"Tim...do you know who Reginald Mungomery  is?" He asked.

 

"Uh...ummm...no...not a clue." I replied, completely thrown by what I thought was a random question.

 

"He was an entomologist who was sent to Hawaii from Australia to study a certain kind of toad. In Australia...beetles had become a massive problem with the sugarcane crops...and he brought back over 100 of these certain toads and introduced them to the cane fields...all with the goal of solving one problem...with another natural solution." He said, and the other elder on the phone expressed the same awe I did...because neither of us had ever heard of this.

 

"The problem was, Tim...," This elder continued, knowing he had my attention now. "The problem was...that the toads mostly just ignored the beetles...and became a serious pest themselves...in fact they have devastated parts of the environment there."

 

He then went on to explain how hard they have tried to control the population of these toads...and how this Reginald Mungomery had gotten a lot of flak for bringing them into Australia in the first place.

 

This brother then asked me to turn to 1 Peter 4:15...and had me read it aloud.

 

"However, let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or a wrongdoer or a busybody in other people’s matters."

 

He then directed me to read the following quote from the Insight book regarding this verse: " “Busybody in Other People’s Matters.” The apostle Peter warned against becoming “a busybody in other people’s matters.” (1Pe 4:15) This expression renders the Greek word al·lo·tri·e·piʹsko·pos, which literally means “Busybody in Other People’s Matters.” The apostle Peter warned against becoming “a busybody in other people’s matters.” (1Pe 4:15) This expression renders the Greek word al·lo·tri·e·piʹsko·pos, which literally means “overseer of what is another’s.” Francisco Zorell defines this word as “one who takes upon himself the duty of minding and correcting other people’s matters, the one who imprudently thrusts himself into other people’s affairs.”—Lexicon Graecum Novi Testamenti, Paris, 1961, col. 70. Francisco Zorell defines this word as “one who takes upon himself the duty of minding and correcting other people’s matters, the one who imprudently thrusts himself into other people’s affairs.”—Lexicon Graecum Novi Testamenti, Paris, 1961, col. 70."

 

"Do you see what the word "busybody" literally means, Tim?" He asked.

 

"Overseer of what is another's..." I said stupidly, feeling the heat of pure and utter shame creeping up my neck, now understanding where he was headed.

 

"Exactly." He said simply...letting the silence stretch out...allowing the full import of his words and example to set in.

 

"I'm not saying you did this on purpose...I'm not even saying you did it with bad intentions." He said, pausing for a moment.  "And...it's not wrong to share scriptural advice or points with your brothers and sisters...we need that...it's actually a provision from Jehovah." He added in sincerity. 

 

"But..." He said, pausing again. "But...you have to be able to discern when it's appropriate to get involved...versus when it's better just to take a step back and refer the person to those who have been appointed as overseers in their congregation. And it's very important that you understand how inserting yourself into a situation can make you responsible for what that situation becomes..."

 

The other elder broke in and pointed out how serious Jehovah takes this...it's mentioned alongside other serious crimes like theft and even murder.

 

Both brothers let me know that they didn't think I had done anything majorly wrong...just that I should be more careful in the future in assessing situations and what to say to others in those situations. 

 

I thanked them both for the correction...and this has been on my mind and my heart ever since. I did not mean anything bad or negative when I texted that brother back...but it honestly doesn't matter.

 

Those brothers are absolutely right...I had no business inserting myself into a situation that I didn't know all the facts about...and it could have easily led down a path where I could have been put myself in a situation of being an overseer of what is another's...and never would I want to do that.

 

I can barely manage my own life...my own household...I certainly don't need any more responsibilities on my plate that aren't even mine to carry.

 

So, to anyone on this site who feels like I have inserted myself into their lives or situations in a similar manner...I deeply apologize...and I will attempt to rein myself in more often from now on before I hit send...and mess up again.

[computerwiz]

47 minutes ago, Timl1980 said:

This brother then asked me to turn to 1 Peter 4:15...and had me read it aloud.

 

"However, let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or a wrongdoer or a busybody in other people’s matters."

 

He then directed me to read the following quote from the Insight book regarding this verse: " “Busybody in Other People’s Matters.” The apostle Peter warned against becoming “a busybody in other people’s matters.” (1Pe 4:15) This expression renders the Greek word al·lo·tri·e·piʹsko·pos, which literally means “Busybody in Other People’s Matters.” The apostle Peter warned against becoming “a busybody in other people’s matters.” (1Pe 4:15) This expression renders the Greek word al·lo·tri·e·piʹsko·pos, which literally means “overseer of what is another’s.” Francisco Zorell defines this word as “one who takes upon himself the duty of minding and correcting other people’s matters, the one who imprudently thrusts himself into other people’s affairs.”—Lexicon Graecum Novi Testamenti, Paris, 1961, col. 70. Francisco Zorell defines this word as “one who takes upon himself the duty of minding and correcting other people’s matters, the one who imprudently thrusts himself into other people’s affairs.”—Lexicon Graecum Novi Testamenti, Paris, 1961, col. 70."

 

47 minutes ago, Timl1980 said:

"But..." He said, pausing again. "But...you have to be able to discern when it's appropriate to get involved...versus when it's better just to take a step back and refer the person to those who have been appointed as overseers in their congregation. And it's very important that you understand how inserting yourself into a situation can make you responsible for what that situation becomes..."

 

The other elder broke in and pointed out how serious Jehovah takes this...it's mentioned alongside other serious crimes like theft and even murder.

 

Beautiful scripture & points!  This is extremely useful to a situation we have over here.    As always, thanks Tim!    I know I constantly appreciate your openness and candor.

[Eejay]

3 hours ago, Timl1980 said:

I had no business stepping into a dispute between a husband and his wife.

 You are not clear as to whether you had actually done this, but the interaction you have described with the elders from your, (I assume),  friends congregegation makes it sound like the perception is that you have. 

 

The first question in any interaction you might have with someone experiencing a problem with spiritual implications would be "have you spoken to any of your local elders about this?". Especially so if the person is from another congregation. As well as the qualification matter pointed out by the elders, there is also the fact that you only know what the individual with the problem is telling you. You cannot know the full story, also you will not know what the elders know about the matter, as they are bound by confidentiality anyway.

 

So, be "quick to listen, slow to speak", (James 1:19), thank them for trusting you, remind them how Jehovah is always approachable and ready to help (Ps 145:16), 
and advise the person to speak to their local elders. That is the best counsel, and it is what an elder would give in a similar circumstance. 😊

[Timl1980]

8 minutes ago, Eejay said:

You are not clear as to whether you had actually done this, but the interaction you have described with the elders from your, (I assume),  friends congregegation makes it sound like the perception is that you have. 

 

It appears like what I said was used in some manner like that...but how is not clear to me...and honestly...it wasn't presented to me in that format.

 

But...I could have and should have used discernment to find out why the particular question was being asked...especially as I had a very tiny inkling that he was having marital problems...I just didn't make the connection until it was too late.

 

11 minutes ago, Eejay said:

So, be "quick to listen, slow to speak", (James 1:19), thank them for trusting you, remind them how Jehovah is always approachable and ready to help (Ps 145:16), 
and advise the person to speak to their local elders. That is the best counsel, and it is what an elder would give in a similar circumstance. 😊

 

Excellent counsel...and something I will be following more closely in the future. Thank you for your comment!

 

[Beggar for the Spirit]

Hi Tim, 

 

I sent you a PM of comfort, please let know if you received it, thanks 😊 

[Miss Bea]

The ones on this site are absolutely precious. Each and every one of you!

[Dolce vita]

I think that many of us have the same reflex as you, dear Brother Tim, to respond to a situation by relying on the Bible and the publications to a problem that is posed to us. But how valuable is this story in terms of warning about the danger to which we can expose ourselves and others!

 

Thank you very much for sharing, I assure you that you will not have suffered for nothing in this story that you transform into a stone of elevation by telling it to us. The lesson to be learned is for all of us: caution, discernment, questioning, active listening, and above all: encourage the brother or sister to get closer to their elders.

 

Thanks again. I will remember the story of the toad and the beetle.

[jdcarlson]

I admit, I am a child of the previous century. Most of the time I can read a text message I have received, but I do not have my cell phone set up to "ring" or any other notification when a message comes in.

I have tried a few times to send a text, but I have only been successful in that endeavor two times.

Especially with the abbreviations popular among young people, I find text messages hard to decipher in terms of what is the meaning.

To me personal conversation, meaning spoken words, is the much better way to communicate. One can ask for clarification of obtuse comments. And, many times the tone of voice conveys as much meaning as many words.

I admit that now in my old age, I do not enjoy the telephone as much as 50 years ago (especially when I get 5 or 10 calls a day trying to sell me some variation on extra Medicare insurance). 

But - I believe we can create more problems texting than we can solve. Often when I get a text, I have to call the sender to find out what they want.

Thanks,

Jim 

Edited yesterday at 01:23 PM by jdcarlson