Right or Wrong to recommend a mate to ourselves

[Xtian]

Why are people afraid to recommended a mate to someone?🤔  I see nothing wrong with that. 

[AYMA]

Mmmm... today's daily text (Sunday July 26) and references may answer your question. The caution and not so much fear, is how one goes about it. 

[secondofseven]

I dont see anything wrong, provided:

 

- You have a personal relationship (beyond random brother or sister) with the person being single.

 

- He or she is actively looking for a mate.

 

I guess in the past a lot of brothers and sisters assumed every person being single needs help. And some see themselves as matchmakers. Without knowing and considering if a person wants it.

[Nnaemeka]

There's a WT article on that. 2 or more weeks back. Go read it.
My personal take: Gal. 6:5. Would you allow someone to carry your load of looking for a mate yourself? Remember you both are unique. What A loves in a woman might be what you don't like until you have personal communication with her then you judge for yourself during courtship. You can ask others what they think about a sister or that sister... Recommend is pushing responsibility. Ask what they think about her not that others/they recommend. Carry your load. Just my 2 cents.

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[Sheep]

1 hour ago, Nnaemeka said:

There's a WT article on that. 2 or more weeks back. Go read it.
My personal take: Gal. 6:5. Would you allow someone to carry your load of looking for a mate yourself? Remember you both are unique. What A loves in a woman might be what you don't like until you have personal communication with her then you judge for yourself during courtship. You can ask others what they think about a sister or that sister... Recommend is pushing responsibility. Ask what they think about her not that others/they recommend. Carry your load. Just my 2 cents.

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"Carry your load." That's good counsel. Remembering that it is a great responsibility to "introduce," or recommend a sister to a certain brother, or vice versa. If someone asks for help in being introduced to someone, perhaps that would be acceptable. But if not, then it's none of our business. At least that's my opinion.

 

Years ago, a married couple thought they were good matchmakers, and thought they were doing good to recommend a sister to a brother who was wanting to get married. And so that's what they did. But, let's just say it didn't go well! He followed up on their recommendation. In the long run, they dated for a while, but then the sister broke off the relationship with him. The brother was absolutely crushed, and couldn't bring himself to even speak to the married couple for a long time afterward. I won't go into more details.

[Beggar for the Spirit]

Why some of us are hesitant to recommend a specific mate is...

- because unlike recommending a car or job

- marriage is "sacred" and eternal in Jehovah's eyes

- so we want to be very, very careful in overly influencing, motivating, pressuring a brother/sister toward another mate, even if they are seeking recommendations.

 

However, we want to help our single sisters/brothers if they want/need. 

 

But rather than recommending a specific person as a marriage mate

- we would try to recommend "qualities"

- the good spiritual and loving qualities we have observed in someone

- another single brother/sister we know well may have certain qualities our friend is seeking.

- so since our friend has asked for our help, it would be a kindness to share our observations

 

it is not carrying another person's "load" of responsibility to simply give some guidance and "recommend" qualities we observe in others. In the end, it is our friend who makes his/her own personal decision.

 

Are there any Bible examples that can help with the question of whether it is right or wrong to give some help/guidance to singles ones who seek a mate?

Spoiler

*** w00 4/15 p. 20 Are You Recommending Yourself to Others? ***
A man would likewise want to inquire about any Christian woman he is considering marrying.

According to the Bible, Boaz took such an interest in Ruth, the woman he later married. When Ruth asked: “How is it I have found favor in your eyes so that I am taken notice of, when I am a foreigner?” Boaz said: “The report was fully made to me of all that you have done.” (Ruth 2:10-12)

Yes, not only did Boaz personally observe that Ruth was a loyal, dedicated, and hardworking woman but he also received favorable comments from others.

 

So a single brother/sister who is interested in finding a mate...

- may have to "inquire" of others, like the article mentioned.

- some single ones may need help from others in finding a mate because they find no one in their area

- or some may need help, not just finding any mate, but a good spiritual person.

- But what good would "inquiring" do if everyone "shut their door" to this single brother/sister? 

- What if no one was willing to share any "favorable comments" about the qualities they have observed in another person to help their friend find a potential mate?

 

Yet, we still have to be very careful...

- influencing or pressuring our friend to marry someone we know

- our friend may view us like an "Uncle", "Big Brother", "Father Figure", "Big Sister", "Mother Figure" or we have a measure of authority in the congregation, and so any opinion, advice, recommendation we give to our friend, may have much more impact or influence on our friend's decisions than we could know!

 

Even if we feel a certain sister or brother would be a "good match"

- it is better if we are only recommending certain qualities we have seen. 

- that is different than recommending a specific person for our friend to enter into a sacred marriage with!

 

So it is not "wrong" to help a single friend seeking help/guidance in finding a mate. However, as mentioned above, what will our recommendation be?

- To motivate our friend to marry our cousin or some brother/sister we know in another congregation?

- To try and quickly set up a "date", to be a "matchmaker"?

- Or to ask our friend what qualities are important to him/her?

- and to help them by sharing some good qualities we have observed in a "Ruth" or "Boaz"we know

Edited 3 hours ago by Beggar for the Spirit