How I Got Kicked Out Of The Local Supermarket.

[Lilac Isosceles]

Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think...I had an elephant.

So, because I have a sick sense of humour I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

The local supermarket won't let me shop there anymore.

Disclaimer: This is not a true story. It is just a joke. Hopefully it makes you smile.

[Fiona]

Rofl...that gave me a vision.

[GrumpysWife]

I think Ashley needs to be moderated again

[surfergirl]

Outstanding Ashley!!!!!!    

[John Doe]

Aww... I hoped that it was a true story....

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[cricket246]

And now I will never be able to buy pet food again without grinning.

[shali]

Ashley, I know how you feel when people ask questions like that!  I hate it when people tell me that "you got your hair cut", like I didn't know I did and I needed someone to tell me!  Your story was hilarious, it's amazing what goes through your mind after being asked a simple question!  Wish you could beta test that whole story and tell us how it really turned out!  I do feel you could parlayed that into a witness somehow - what a lost opportunity!  (LOL - just kidding! you could of talked about a time when we don't need to eat dog food to keep weight off and BAM! show them the jw.org website!)

[GrumpysWife]

Some pet peeves of other people.............cleaned up somewhat. 9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their behind to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the heck??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

- Unknown

[shali]

Very funny list Vernalee!  But I take exception to #2 - I have no one to change the channels on my t.v. without the remote (that's the way they make them now, especially if they are hooked up to a cable/satellite box).  I sure hope I can remember a few of these for the next time I encounter these types of questions!  Love it!!!

[JayMusicGirl]

Me too! I was just gonna write that but you beat me to the punch. Lol

Aww... I hoped that it was a true story....

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