Advice about personality...

[Joe Schmoe]

So to start off this topic, I'll say, I am looking for Brother's and Sister's that have experienced a similar situation as me. I know very well what the Bible says about how we should treat one another and about putting on the new personality etc.. so here goes my story:

Ever since I can remember I've always heard some folks comment that I either intimidate people, come off as a "know-it-all", opinionated or "arrogant. To put this into perspective, my closest family and friends don't think this at all. This just seems to be my first impression towards people, or those who don't know me very well. I always worry about how I came off to someone and hoping I didn't leave a bad impression.

The following is not to toot my own horn, it is instead to show some background of what I think MAY give reason to why people gain this first impression. I am a very smart fellow (IQ of 160 yadda yadda) and rarely if ever open my mouth unless I know what I'm talking about. I do a ton of research, have a lot of Bible knowledge etc.. so when I do speak up, admittedly I can see how I come across as speaking with 'authority' on a given subject. Similar to how a scientist would on quantum physics. Also, maybe it's my slight OCD tendencies, but when I hear people share inaccurate information I always feel compelled to correct it. This could be a good quality, but I can also see how it would irritate some.

My closest friends understand that I actually wish I could undo some of myself as the LAST thing I want to do is stumble others. I feel like some of my knowledge is more of a curse so to speak. I truly love and care about those in the congregation and in my mind the only reason I share what I share is because I want them to know and have the best information currently available.

Any others here experience similar issues and overcome them (I know I can't please everyone)? If so, what tips and tricks could you share that I could apply to help me soften impression so that people don't think that I'm rough and abrasive.

[LuanaGlobal]

:wave:Jehovah chooses all sorts of people and personalities.

You sound A O.K. to me.

[JFab]

I can understand that you cant bear it when people say things that are not accurate, because that grates on me too from time to time. But do you always jump straight in and correct them, or do you wait a while to correct them or even at times let it slide?

[Joe Schmoe]

I can understand that you cant bear it when people say things that are not accurate, because that grates on me too from time to time. But do you always jump straight in and correct them, or do you wait a while to correct them or even at times let it slide?

I am usually only quick to mention it if it is important enough. Otherwise I mention it later in private to the person, or if the situation feels casual enough I might wait for the conversation to pause enough to mention it. In some cases it's not even a big enough deal to mention because it doesn't affect anything major.

[sianrose]

I can understand that you cant bear it when people say things that are not accurate, because that grates on me too from time to time. But do you always jump straight in and correct them, or do you wait a while to correct them or even at times let it slide?

Hello Jahadeen and welcome...

also I like your line of thought...sometimes it can be best to let it slide...

unless the information is way off...and it really does need correcting...because it is misleading others... or making the person who is saying it look stupid...

so it is a balance of....

9 Give to a wise person and he will become still wiser. Impart knowledge to someone righteous and he will increase in learning.

Proverbs 9:9

and the way we say it...

1 An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.

Proverbs 15:1

[thunderl]

The material from Congregation Bible Study this week mentioned that Jesus didn't have to correct his followers when they thought his kingdom would take place on earth. Thus we learn, that we don't always have to correct others.

Others in the congregation want to relate to you. If you mess up, make a mistake, etc, it shows your normal like them, and not on a pedestal. Don't be afraid to be wrong, to make a mistake, etc. This will endear you to others. But being afraid of those things will distance you.

Hope this helps.

[Joe Schmoe]

The material from Congregation Bible Study this week mentioned that Jesus didn't have to correct his followers when they thought his kingdom would take place on earth. Thus we learn, that we don't always have to correct others.

Others in the congregation want to relate to you. If you mess up, make a mistake, etc, it shows your normal like them, and not on a pedestal. Don't be afraid to be wrong, to make a mistake, etc. This will endear you to others. But being afraid of those things will distance you.

Hope this helps.

I totally understand what you're saying, and yes sometimes it's better to just be wrong (even when you're right) than to push the issue.

As for the Bible Study this week in paragraph 9 of chapter two, it actually shows how Jesus did correct his disciples. I think that's what you meant, right? :-)

[Musky]

I totally understand what you're saying, and yes sometimes it's better to just be wrong (even when you're right) than to push the issue.

As for the Bible Study this week in paragraph 9 of chapter two, it actually shows how Jesus did correct his disciples. I think that's what you meant, right? :-)

I think you just made your point! LOL

[Joe Schmoe]

I totally understand what you're saying, and yes sometimes it's better to just be wrong (even when you're right) than to push the issue.

As for the Bible Study this week in paragraph 9 of chapter two, it actually shows how Jesus did correct his disciples. I think that's what you meant, right? :-)

I think you just made your point! LOL

[Wren]

S

My closest friends understand that I actually wish I could undo some of myself as the LAST thing I want to do is stumble others. I feel like some of my knowledge is more of a curse so to speak. I truly love and care about those in the congregation and in my mind the only reason I share what I share is because I want them to know and have the best information currently available.

2 Peter 1:5-7 5: Yes, for this very reason, by YOUR contributing in response all earnest effort, supply to YOUR faith virtue, to [YOUR] virtue knowledge, 6 to [YOUR] knowledge self-control, to [YOUR] self-control endurance, to [YOUR] endurance godly devotion,

Your dilemma brought to my mind Jehovah's cardinal qualities, love, wisdom, power and justice. Jehovah is the originator of all knowledge so don't regret your ability, but it is wisdom that is the divine quality.

I don't know you personally so I can't judge your interpersonal skills. Some of the most successful people are not so bright but it is their emotional intelligence and people reading skills that have worked for them. Your brother's and sisters's knowledge is not your personal responsibility, it is theirs and how they prioritize it in their personal development. Inciting to love and fine works on the other hand is in your domain, and love is the perfect bond of union.

My son has slight Aspergers and OCD, sometimes before we go out I remind him to make eye contact and smile, basics that others take for granted. Those who don't know him well think he is aloof, all the while he is craving contact. He is a smart guy too. We all get misunderstood at times. So for him interpersonal skills, rather than being innate, need to be learned. Yes it's a drag, all these imperfections, do you think Adam could have realised ALL the problems he created?

Roll on new system!!

[jeremy]

Hi Joseph. That OCD is something irritating isn't it? I know what you mean about that. I want things done just so, (and so has to be my way). Fortunately my brothers in the congregation are very loving and one kind of starts to realize ones own shortcomings in subtle ways, and so it is here on this forum. My brothers here are quite tolerant over my pedantic jabber and after a while I can look back at the situation and realize where I went wrong. Isn't it great to be part of this family. Best part of it is they never demand an apology from me, isn't that so loving.

It was summed up so nicely a few days ago in one of the threads here. I forget who or where, but two brothers were having an argument about who was more correct, both insisting that the other was right.

I love you all here ><

[clarak]

The important thing in maintaining good friendship is by communicating openly and forgiving one another freely. We all stumble many times. James 3:2.

[BlaqueCalalilly]

The important thing in maintaining good friendship is by communicating openly and forgiving one another freely. We all stumble many times. James 3:2.

so true ...we all stumble sometimes.....the important thing is to be able to say I'm sorry and to try not to do it again......

I know so many people who may be dead wrong but they won't say that they are sorry....that's one way to ruin relationships...

[stuagu]

hi joseph , i think youre thread shows a great attitude! no really, you realize that sometimes what youre doing doesnt go down great with others and youve a wish to change that situation. but its the same for all of us to a lesser or greater degree. we are all coping with something, i can be the most judgemental person in the world and i have to fight it...and i sometimes win! it comes across as irritation with brothers/sisters and thats probably because i find them irritating! im sure at times they find me rude and irritating as well. keep going brother... we wont be fixed it till the new system but lets just keep fighting it, doing out best.

brotherly love to all.

stuart><

[Joe Schmoe]

Hi Joseph. That OCD is something irritating isn't it? I know what you mean about that. I want things done just so, (and so has to be my way). Fortunately my brothers in the congregation are very loving and one kind of starts to realize ones own shortcomings in subtle ways, and so it is here on this forum. My brothers here are quite tolerant over my pedantic jabber and after a while I can look back at the situation and realize where I went wrong. Isn't it great to be part of this family. Best part of it is they never demand an apology from me, isn't that so loving.

It was summed up so nicely a few days ago in one of the threads here. I forget who or where, but two brothers were having an argument about who was more correct, both insisting that the other was right.

I love you all here ><

That may have been the one between me and another brother what were trying to give a human translation of a spanish speaking individual who wanted someone to call on them in Dallas, TX. I still think his translation was better than mine. :-p

[sianrose]

so true ...we all stumble sometimes.....the important thing is to be able to say I'm sorry and to try not to do it again......

I love that thought Elizabeth...

its is a given as imperfect people we will get on each others nerves...by are way of doing... or saying things...

but it is how we react...when things come to a head....will we do all we can to overcome our differences...and put it behind us? ...

start afresh and keep on trying?...because until we are perfect... it is something we have to get used too...

[jeremy]

Hi Joseph. That OCD is something irritating isn't it? I know what you mean about that. I want things done just so, (and so has to be my way). Fortunately my brothers in the congregation are very loving and one kind of starts to realize ones own shortcomings in subtle ways, and so it is here on this forum. My brothers here are quite tolerant over my pedantic jabber and after a while I can look back at the situation and realize where I went wrong. Isn't it great to be part of this family. Best part of it is they never demand an apology from me, isn't that so loving.

It was summed up so nicely a few days ago in one of the threads here. I forget who or where, but two brothers were having an argument about who was more correct, both insisting that the other was right.

I love you all here ><

That may have been the one between me and another brother what were trying to give a human translation of a spanish speaking individual who wanted someone to call on them in Dallas, TX. I still think his translation was better than mine. :-p

You see )'>, nothing to worry about, we're all in good company. (PS, company was a previous term for congregation wasn't it )

[Sunnyside]

It boils down to Timing and Tone.

We have such a brother in the congregation and he chooses the wrongest of times to give a very good explanation. In the middle of a watchtower discussion comes a public talk!!!

Balance is needed and yes sometimes we should just let it sail and concentrate more on our relationship with Jehovah cause our brothers simply are not perfect.

[ava]

So to start off this topic, I'll say, I am looking for Brother's and Sister's that have experienced a similar situation as me. I know very well what the Bible says about how we should treat one another and about putting on the new personality etc.. so here goes my story:

Ever since I can remember I've always heard some folks comment that I either intimidate people, come off as a "know-it-all", opinionated or "arrogant. To put this into perspective, my closest family and friends don't think this at all. This just seems to be my first impression towards people, or those who don't know me very well. I always worry about how I came off to someone and hoping I didn't leave a bad impression.

The following is not to toot my own horn, it is instead to show some background of what I think MAY give reason to why people gain this first impression. I am a very smart fellow (IQ of 160 yadda yadda) and rarely if ever open my mouth unless I know what I'm talking about. I do a ton of research, have a lot of Bible knowledge etc.. so when I do speak up, admittedly I can see how I come across as speaking with 'authority' on a given subject. Similar to how a scientist would on quantum physics. Also, maybe it's my slight OCD tendencies, but when I hear people share inaccurate information I always feel compelled to correct it. This could be a good quality, but I can also see how it would irritate some.

My closest friends understand that I actually wish I could undo some of myself as the LAST thing I want to do is stumble others. I feel like some of my knowledge is more of a curse so to speak. I truly love and care about those in the congregation and in my mind the only reason I share what I share is because I want them to know and have the best information currently available.

Any others here experience similar issues and overcome them (I know I can't please everyone)? If so, what tips and tricks could you share that I could apply to help me soften impression so that people don't think that I'm rough and abrasive.

Wow, are we related? Lol.

I wanted to cry when I read this cause this is how I am and I have the same problem.

I too want to correct people, not because I'm trying to be arrogant or rude, but it really is just to help. My mom told me last year that I always make her feel stupid. And I can honestly say, that is not my intent. She only went to school to the 8th grade, she doesn't read or watch news or anything, so there are so many things she doesn't know about. There are times we will be talking about something, and she will reference something she heard like 30 years ago, and then I correct her and it upsets her. I try to explain to her, "Mom, that's what was thought 30 years ago, but since then, things have changed and we know more". I'm not trying to be rude at all, but I just don't want her saying this stuff to other people when it is completely false. It can be over the dumbest things too, but she is always upset with me. I don't know if she really is mad at me or if she is mad at her lack of knowledge and experience on world issues. She married my dad at 15, had her first kid at 16 and really has led a sheltered life.

I have had others say I'm a know it all, standoffish, etc. What's crazy is I wouldn't say that about me at all. I have lots of friends, I get along with most people, so it surprises me when I do hear that. I think part of the problem is the way I was raised. I come from a family with strong genes and strong opinions and strong attitudes. I'm part German, Greek, Irish, lol, you can imagine what my childhood was like. If you have seen the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", that's my family, I'm even from Chicago and my family once owned Greek Restaurants, lol. Also, people from up North in the US do tend to be more vocal on their opinions as I have learned since I moved to the Southern US in 1998.

What I have been trying to do more recently is really learning there is a time and place for everything and there are times that I really just need to keep my mouth shut. I don't always have to correct people and sometimes the things are so silly, what's the point in me correcting them. I need to just let things go, and that is not easy for me at all.

It's not easy, and I am not even to close to managing this problem, but I am trying to work on it. We all have personality traits we don't like about ourselves and we all need to continue to improve. It takes alot of time, but just keep working on it and praying to Jehovah and hopefully in time, you will be able to manage this better.

BTW, I never considered myself OCD, but it's interesting you mention that because my mom and brother have OCD tendencies, so maybe I do too.

[westiebilly11]

Hi. Interesting conversation. When my eldest son was at school he used to come home upset at having few friends. The reason being that he is/was a very bright and knowledgeable child but this used to alienate others who felt intimidated by it. So I suggested to him that he speak less and listen more. It worked! So too with us, we may think we know much and feel compelled to tell others where they are going wrong or feel inclined to impart information at every opportunity. But surely Bible knowledge is nothing without the wisdom in knowing when and how to speak and when to keep silent. Knowing the Bible is not enough, after all, even Satan knows the Bible!! The older I get the more I realize how little I really know. When I was younger I felt that as an avid Bible student I knew so much. In fact the more I read and think about what i read of the Bible the more I am amazed at what a truly precious book it is. I realize more and more that the Bible's value is when applied to oneself. It's a bit like a man with a hammer..everything to him seems to be a nail!!!! He feels he just has to bang away regardless of what is really a nail! We find it easy to find fault in others but really we should look at ourselves. We should all strive to encourage each other and not use our supposed knowledge to expose others failings etc. Jesus never humilated anyone. Love builds up.Dialogue is so much better than monologue.Discuss not lecture.

[Sunnyside]

Nice nice nice

1. There is a time for everything

2. One doesn't need to correct everything

3. Listen more and talk less (guess it is why we have 2 ears and 1 mouth)

4. Keep on acquiring more bible knowledge regardless. There must be a reason one has a brain and a good memory to go with it!!

Love you guys!!!

[sianrose]

Wow Ava...I was really surprised at your words...

from the time on this forum...I have always found you...nicely balanced...you know what you are talking about...and you never sound judgemental...or like a know all...

perhaps on you here... you have as Maureen brought out...timing and tone....because I would never of thought you had a problem...

and Joseph so far you have written nothing ...in a "know-it-all" way...

me... I love learning so I like to be with people who are knowledgeable...but also loveable... which is something we can all work on together...

[ava]

Wow Ava...I was really surprised at your words...

from the time on this forum...I have always found you...nicely balanced...you know what you are talking about...and you never sound judgemental...or like a know all...

perhaps on you here... you have as Maureen brought out...timing and tone....because I would never of thought you had a problem...

and Joseph so far you have written nothing ...in a "know-it-all" way...

me... I love learning so I like to be with people who are knowledgeable...but also loveable... which is something we can all work on together...

Thanks Sian. I can say that I have been working on this problem for sometime, so I am improving, still have a ways to go. But I am better at learning when to say something and when not to say something. And I have improved on expressing my opinion in a better way. I use to just blurt out things with no thought, now I try to think of how to say something and how to phrase it so it doesn't come off as me knowing everything.

We all continue to improve and refine ourselves, we are a work in progress. Thank goodness Jehovah is patient with us, lol.

[Lady Tee]

with us' date=' we may think we know much and feel compelled to tell others where they are going wrong or feel inclined to impart information at every opportunity. But surely Bible knowledge is nothing without the wisdom in knowing when and how to speak and when to keep silent. Knowing the Bible is not enough, after all, even Satan knows the Bible!! The older I get the more I realize how little I really know. When I was younger I felt that as an avid Bible student I knew so much. In fact the more I read and think about what i read of the Bible the more I am amazed at what a truly precious book it is. I realize more and more that the Bible's value is when applied to oneself. It's a bit like a man with a hammer..everything to him seems to be a nail!!!! He feels he just has to bang away regardless of what is really a nail! We find it easy to find fault in others but really we should look at ourselves. We should all strive to encourage each other and not use our supposed knowledge to expose others failings etc. Jesus never humilated anyone. Love builds up.Dialogue is so much better than monologue.Discuss not lecture.[/quote'] l appreciate this admonition, it worths applying. Thanks

[Wren]

I don't know whether this would work. When you feel compelled to correct someone change the subject immediately and ask a personal question, like "Hey, I heard your son/daughter has been sick" or "How are/is your parents/business/pioneering/new car etc. going?" Then its possible to address two issues at the same time, distracting yourself and showing care.