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From the UK's Daily Mash:

 

Skrnsson takes gold in Uphill Nordic Skjord

10-02-18

 

skier-1.jpg

FINLAND’S Rinsu Skrnsson defended his Olympic title last night, taking gold in the 2×4000 Uphill Nordic Skjord.

Skrnsson finished the course in a time of 16 hours, 28 seconds and 14 trees, just two-one hundredths of a tree ahead of Swedish rival Grunter Halbordshmardonson.

 

It completed a day of mixed fortunes for the Finns after Hedia Trykkso and Bippi Hylvs were disqualified from the Chamsark Ice Fluting after a flagrant triple byerk.

Video replays revealed that when the Bilsu was roasted, Trykkso and Hylvs both had their trumschlack 15mm over the Bilsunterlandergeschaft line.

Team captain Smatta Fanishuk said: “The girls have worked on their in-line byuutobarg for four years, only to double skrntarg as soon as the whistle was blown.

“But we are delighted for Rinsu. He has been skjording since he was old enough to strap on a pair of kruntterappartongs.”

Meanwhile an unpronounceable shadow has been cast over the games after a Norwegian competitor tested positive for moose adrenalin.

Asbjorn Aasgjaraaabdye was stripped of his gold after breaking the world record in Endurance Husky Freggling with an incredible average of 8.72 hounds per kilometre.

But despite Aasgjaraaabdye-gate the organisers insist the games have got off to a strong start with large audiences attending the Women’s Pjoostal Smerdvig and the much anticipated semi-final of upside down donkeys on ice.

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