A good joke

[rocket]

I've been gaining a lot of weight, I gained like over 50 lbs this last year. I could tell I'm getting too big.
I was in the bathroom on the scale. The wife was standing next to me, and I start sucking in my stomach.
And she's like 'that's not gonna change the number.'
And I was like I'm trying to seeee the numbers.

[Tortuga]

49 minutes ago, rocket said:

I've been gaining a lot of weight, I gained like over 50 lbs this last year. I could tell I'm getting too big.
I was in the bathroom on the scale. The wife was standing next to me, and I start sucking in my stomach.
And she's like 'that's not gonna change the number.'
And I was like I'm trying to seeee the numbers.

...she said "What numbers?"

[Tortuga]

My mother-in-law is 92 years old and has a new twinkle in both eyes...

 

She just had cataract surgery.

Edited Friday at 03:01 AM by Tortuga

[DLJBSP]

The Three-Day Convention

Years ago, the Catholic Church began noticing something about Jehovah's Witnesses.

 

Every summer, thousands of Witnesses would gather for three-day conventions. They'd fill stadiums and assembly halls, listen to Bible talks, sing together, and go home talking about what they'd learned.

 

Well, the Catholics looked at this and thought, Why should they have all the conventions? We can do that too!

 

So they organized their own three-day convention.

 

Now, they wanted to do things a little differently. Jehovah's Witnesses would announce a Scriptural theme for each day, and the program would develop that theme.

 

The Catholics decided they'd wait until the end of each day, see how things went, and then choose an appropriate scripture.

 

Friday arrived. Thousands gathered. The program began.

 

Unfortunately, things didn't go particularly well. The speakers weren't prepared, the schedule fell apart, and by the afternoon, half the audience was wondering what was going on.

 

The organizers met that evening to select a scripture that best described the day.

 

After considerable discussion, they announced their Friday theme:

John 5:4

 

Well, Saturday came.

 

Surely things would improve.

 

They didn't.

 

The morning session started late. One speaker never showed up. Another spoke so long that they had to cancel the afternoon program.

 

That evening, the organizers met again.

 

And after reviewing the day's events, they announced Saturday's theme:

Acts 8:37

 

By Sunday morning, everyone was determined to make the final day a success.

 

But somehow, it was worse than the first two.

 

The speakers disagreed with one another. The audience was confused. People wandered from session to session, trying to figure out what they were supposed to be learning.

 

Finally, the convention ended.

 

The organizers gathered one last time to choose their closing scripture.

 

And this time, they agreed unanimously.

 

Their Sunday theme would be taken from:

Acts 19:32