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English sooth.....?! ( Relaxer)


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You think English is easy?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

......

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

......

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

.......

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

........

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Sent from my C6802 using Tapatalk

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4 minutes ago, Brother Jack said:

I feel sorry for people who have to learn English. It's such a contradictory language. The dumbest thing about English is silent letters... Makes no sense.

What even worse is Americans trying to speak "English" :deadhorse:  Now about non-silent letters in other Languages, how about brother Knorr. In German the K is pronounced thus  K norr  is how it sounds.

Yes he was related to the soup people Knorr. He "delivered soup" to the brothers during WWII :ph34r:

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1 hour ago, pnutts said:

What even worse is Americans trying to speak "English" :deadhorse:  Now about non-silent letters in other Languages, how about brother Knorr. In German the K is pronounced thus  K norr  is how it sounds.

Yes he was related to the soup people Knorr. He "delivered soup" to the brothers during WWII :ph34r:

Most non-Americans on the planet would love to live in  USA, bad English and all....:superman::D

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11 minutes ago, 1gemstone said:

Most non-Americans on the planet would love to live in  USA, bad English and all....:superman::D

Only in the winter.:superman: Summers are too hot especially the further south you go.:sweat:.   The violence gets a bit much too.:pistols:My wife is American :givehug: and she likes Canada for cooler weather.

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  • 1 month later...

One interesting word in English. 

Oxymoron: 

An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together....

Here are some funny oxymorons :

 1)  Clearly Misunderstood
 2)  Exact Estimate
 3)  Small Crowd
 4)  Act Naturally
 5)  Found Missing
 6)  Fully Empty
 7)  Pretty Ugly
 8)  Seriously Funny
 9)  Only Choice
10)  Original Copies
11)  Open Secret
12) Tragic Comedy
13) Foolish Wisdom
14) Liquid Gas

 Mother of all Oxymorons is-

15) "Happily Married".
 

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