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The Man Rules

GrumpysWife
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GrumpysWife Grand Master

GrumpysWife

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The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.

( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear 'the rules'

From the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

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trottigy Grand Master

trottigy

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Of course there is this 1

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

Plan ahead as if Armageddon will not come in your lifetime, but lead your life as if it will come tomorrow (w 2004 Dec. 1 page 29)

 

 

 

 

Soon .....

 

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GrumpysWife Grand Master

GrumpysWife

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Of course there is this 1 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry' date=' we meant the other one[/quote'] But you might find yourself in this predicament.

74310=4152-Mens Rules.PNG

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

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GrumpysWife Grand Master

GrumpysWife

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Yea, Vernalee that about covers it. Did Grumpy stay up all night writing that or was that part of a prenup? LOL

Only joking !

The prenup only included the part about the toilet seat.:hammer:

And for Jerry, I guess so.:raspberry:

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

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trottigy Grand Master

trottigy

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I am wondering what the sisters are thinking of this one?

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

Plan ahead as if Armageddon will not come in your lifetime, but lead your life as if it will come tomorrow (w 2004 Dec. 1 page 29)

 

 

 

 

Soon .....

 

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GrumpysWife Grand Master

GrumpysWife

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I am wondering what the sisters are thinking of this one?

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

After 50+ years of marriage I never ask, I just look in the mirror. I'm a senior, but I'm not blind.:chef:

The thing that is important is for wives to know that their husbands still find them attractive even if they have put on a few pounds. That's why we ask.:kisscheek:

P.S. I didn't write the Man's Rules, I just posted them.:raspberry:

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

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rocket Grand Master

rocket

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Yea, Vernalee that about covers it. Did Grumpy stay up all night writing that or was that part of a prenup? LOL

Only joking !

The prenup only included the part about the toilet seat.:hammer:

And for Jerry, I guess so.:raspberry:

Every once in a while we hear a blood curdling scream from the bathroom in our home too. Followed by a "Who put the toilet seat down, I really had to go." One scream worse than that is when one of us boys forget to put the seat rim down and she sits on the cold ceramic. Of course I show a whole lot of sympathy by saying, "well turn on the light next time."

We cannot incite if we are not in sight.___Heb.10:24,25

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tekmantwo Grand Master

tekmantwo

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Every once in a while we hear a blood curdling scream from the bathroom in our home too. Followed by a "Who put the toilet seat down, I really had to go." One scream worse than that is when one of us boys forget to put the seat rim down and she sits on the cold ceramic. Of course I show a whole lot of sympathy by saying, "well turn on the light next time."

She tried that on me----------once.........

after a whole day of deliberately leaving them up, she thanked me for my consideration when I make sure they are down.....which I usually do---:cowboy:

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Daniela Grand Master

Daniela

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I am wondering what the sisters are thinking of this one?

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

See rule no. 4 from

Rules for Guys, by women :poke:

1. When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.

2. Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.

3. The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?

4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.

5. We are not always thinking of you.

6. We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.

7. Our Cats truly are special friends.

8. Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.

9. We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.

10. Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.

11. If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?

12. When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for an anniversary, etc. you may forget what it is that we want.

13. If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.

14. When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.

15. Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!

16. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.

17. Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.

18. We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?

19. Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.

20. There are no good sports.

21. Why can't you ask for directions?

22. Why can't you follow directions?

23. How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?

24. You too can order Pizza.

25. Chinese Food is a meal.

26. Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.

27. Why don't you know all of these rules?

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.” 

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