A good joke

[Pabo]

Took my old ute to the mechanics to check out a knocking noise under my hood.

 

I think he is full of hot air when he says if you rev it harder, the noise will eventually disappear.

 

 

Video removed as it contains foul language.

Edited Friday at 11:51 AM by WilliamChew
Video removed as it contains foul language.

[rocket]

A wife and her husband married for over 30 years were sitting at the dinner table. Suddenly the wife looks at him and says, "Do you remember when you used to hold my hand? The husband sighs reaches out and holds her hand. She continues, do you remember when you used to kiss me on the cheek?  He leans over and gives her a kiss.  Then she says softly, do you remember how you used to nibble my ear?  The husband stands up and starts walking away. Surprised she asks where are you going?  He replies...
 

Spoiler

to get my teeth !!! 

 

[rocket]

According to your own understanding should man do the dishes?
Definitely not.
Why?
 

Spoiler

It is illegal for men to compete in a women's sport.

 

[rocket]

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised?" "Well, said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub?" I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. "No said the director, A normal person would...
 

Spoiler

pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

[Mike047]

Before I checked the 'Hide' option..........well, I would prefer a bed near the window

[pnutts]

DIARY OF A BMW DRIVER..

 

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!
He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

 

See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!