Wedding registries?

[DancesWithWife]

I looked for topics or posts about this subject and the last one was created by Pauline (@kejedo) in 2017. We got texted an invitation to a wedding shower and the couple were registered at Amazon and Target. I am an old-timer but I always thought wedding showers were to help the couple get started not help them further their hobbies. 

 

I asked what is the purpose of a wedding shower? 

AI Overview:

The purpose of a wedding shower is to celebrate the couple and give them gifts and well wishes before their wedding. It's also a chance for friends and family to come together and support the couple."

 

Traditionally men were not invited to wedding showers but has now evolved into both being at the shower. I started to do research on wedding showers and this is what I found:

 

"Men are now often invited to bridal showers, though they traditionally weren't. 

Explanation:

The tradition of bridal showers originated in 16th century Holland. The original purpose was to avoid the dowry system. 

Bridal showers were traditionally women-only events. In the United States, bridal showers began in urban areas in the 1890s. 

By the 1930s, bridal showers had spread to rural America. Close relatives of the bride-to-be's spouse are considered proper etiquette to attend the shower. 

 

Related events 

Man-showers or bro-dal showers are events that celebrate a man's first step into marriage.

These events are increasing in popularity. Bridal shower etiquette: 

Asking someone to attend a bridal shower without extending them an invitation to the wedding is generally considered an etiquette faux pas (a social blunder or embarrassing mistake in manners or conduct. The term comes from the French phrase faux pas, which literally means "false step."

 

Getting back to registries. I went on the gift site and was surprised at the number of items requested that are not (at least from my view) to start a marriage. I understand times have changed and I am old. I understand that creating a registry helps so as to avoid duplicates. What was interesting about the wedding registries was lack of basic items. I always thought that most couples getting married need to start with basic items.

 

The last wedding shower we attended and gave a gift, we did not get a thank you card in response which is considered proper etiquette. To me a wedding or baby registry should reflect modesty. I am sure there will be those who disagree with my view which is understandable. 

 

 

 

[careful]

Ive been to lots of wedding events andIve looked over the registries from target and amazon.  There are usually alot of household items to choose from and ive actually never seen an item included that was a  hobby item.  Maybe they already have what they need accumulated from their two separate lives.

[Mike047]

 

 

Showers of different occasions have been commented on in the past, and a fair representation of them is on the Awake G77 4/8 pp. 27, 28 "'Showering' with Gifts?". It guves a balanced view of these occasions.

 

Some in the UK follow this practice, too, but others refrain.

[DancesWithWife]

7 minutes ago, careful said:

Maybe they already have what they need accumulated from their two separate lives.

Both live with their parents, they will be moving out and into their own place when married. Even so, when my wife and I got married 25 years ago (second marriage for both of us), the sisters threw a small shower for my wife. We got basic items, the most elaborate was a gift certificate to a very nice restaurant.  I guess in hindsight since both of us roller skated, we should have created a registry for roller skates!...just kidding. 

Edited February 17 by DancesWithWife
added thought

[LeolaRootStew]

I got a link to someone's wedding registry and it had things like a giant wooden fork that could be mounted on the wall. I declined to donate.

 

[DancesWithWife]

Just now, LeolaRootStew said:

I got a link to someone's wedding registry and it had things like a giant wooden fork that could be mounted on the wall. I declined to donate

I agree. The one I was looking at also had a 5 piece patio furniture set listed. We are also declining to get anything for the couple too as they did not list any practical gifts. I guess gift cards are practical but lack warmth.

[LeolaRootStew]

Just now, DancesWithWife said:

I agree. The one I was looking at also had a 5 piece patio furniture set listed. We are also declining to get anything for the couple too as they did not list any practical gifts. I guess gift cards are practical but lack warmth.

 

It does seem to indicate that they have no legitimate needs. I like looking for gifts that are practical, but higher quality than they would spend on themselves. If you want to buy knick-knacks I'll just give you money.

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, LeolaRootStew said:

I got a link to someone's wedding registry and it had things like a giant wooden fork that could be mounted on the wall. I declined to donate.

Big eaters? 

[DancesWithWife]

One wedding registry site I went to, took me to a vacation site. The bride and groom were asking guest to pay for their all inclusive vacation. Not sure if they got the amount they were looking for as they are no longer JW! 

[TheKid23]

During Covid a couple in my hall got married, it was difficult for many to give gifts so they set up a PayPal account and asked for anonymous donations instead. 

[MullumMiss]

2 hours ago, DancesWithWife said:

Getting back to registries. I went on the gift site and was surprised at the number of items requested that are not (at least from my view) to start a marriage. I understand times have changed and I am old. I understand that creating a registry helps so as to avoid duplicates. What was interesting about the wedding registries was lack of basic items. I always thought that most couples getting married need to start with basic items.

 

The last wedding shower we attended and gave a gift, we did not get a thank you card in response which is considered proper etiquette. To me a wedding or baby registry should reflect modesty. I am sure there will be those who disagree with my view which is understandable. 

A young sister from our congregation is getting married in Italy to live in USA (fiancé American bro).  For her local engagement party there is a register, however it was USA companies so $USD which when  converting from $AUD is nearly double in addition to a foreign currency exchange fee.  So I decided to give them $AUD cash and let them do what they want with it.  I still haven’t received acknowledgment or thanks which seems to be the norm these days with gift giving for occasions.  Can’t remember when I last got a thank you for engagement/shower/wedding/baby gift.  And this is in the truth!

All the showers I have attended there were no registers.  Only had registers for engagement/wedding.

I don’t mind them personally. I look for something that I intended to get and if it’s not on the list I then look for something I want to give within my price range. 

My bridal shower (39yrs ago) was a Kitchen tea so all things for the kitchen were given.  I still have alot of them.  We only had women.  In 1984 I was in USA and got to go to a bridal shower and was surprised to see men there.  It was uncommon in Australia though that has now changed and some bridal/baby showers have men too.  

[dljbsp]

43 minutes ago, MullumMiss said:

We only had women.

 

When I was a kid, I thought the reason it was only the women is because they were taking a shower. So the brothers were not included. . .

 

[dljbsp]

Also, when I was a kid, I had a brother tell me that we are not supposed to put our names on the cards that went with the gift, to keep everyone modest.—Matthew 6:1,2

 

The idea of leaving gifts anonymous could be seen as an application of this principle—ensuring that the focus remains on the kindness of the act rather than the giver’s identity. So, while anonymity in giving can be a way to cultivate humility and keep the focus on Jehovah as the ultimate source of generosity, what matters most is the motive behind the gift. If a name is included, it should be out of love rather than a desire for acknowledgment/recognition.

I put my name.

Edited February 17 by dljbsp

[rocket]

My granddaughter is getting married to a regular pioneer brother this coming Saturday, Feb. 22.  They have a wedding registry at Amazon and Target Store.  95% of the items are common sense things needed to put a home together.  Most of the local Friends and Family would like to give a modest gift, so the nice thing about a registry is that they will get things they need and want and not multiples of things they don't need or want.  While the sentiment behind a gift is always appreciated no matter what it is,  many times a gift is never used or leave a storage shed. A registry checks off the things bought and a running list is available of the things still needed.