Blonde Joke of the day

[LeslieDean]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

[Allabord4Jah]

LOL! 

 

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Edited June 21, 2013 by allabord4jah

[Allabord4Jah]

Oldie but goodie:

 

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

[Rajan]

A teenage blonde in need of some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing the neighborhood.

 She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

 "well you can paint my porch," he said. "How much would you charge?"

 "How about $50 ?" she answered.

 The man agreed and told her the paint she would need was in the garage.

 The mans wife overheard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize the porch goes all the way around the house?"

 "She should," the man answered, "she was standing on the porch while we talked."

 A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

 "You'r finished already ?" he asked. "Yes," The blonde answered. "and I had paint left-over so I gave it two coats."

 Impressed the man reached into his pocket for $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, its a Ferrari."

[rocket]

A blonde boarded a plane bound for L.A and sat down in first class even though she had a couch ticket.

The Flight Attendant noticed that she was seated in the wrong seat and decided to speak to her.

"Mam you have to move back to the coach seating because you have a coach ticket."

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm going First Class to L.A."

After trying a second time with the same reply the Flight Attendant approach the Captain and Co-Pilot with the problem.

The Co-Pilot said he would take care of it, "mam, you will have to move back to coach seating, because that's the kind of ticket you have." 

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm going First Class to L.A."

Frustrated the Co-pilot returns to the cabin and relates to the Captain the stubbornness of the blonde. 

The Captain says he will give it a try. So he approaches the blonde and whispers in her ear and she immediately gets up and moves back to the coach seating.

The Flight Attendant and Co-pilot was beyond query, "What did you say to her that she moved so quickly?"

The Captain says, "OH, I just told her that First Class doesn't go to L.A."

[Holly]

There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde saw a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the blonde turned around and went home.

[Qapla]

Three blondes walked into a bar .... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it hanging there.

 

A blonde was driving down the road when she saw another blonde in a field, sitting in boat with an oar in her hand rowing. She stopped her car, went to the fence and shouted to the blonde in the boat:

 

"Hey! It's blondes like you that give us a bad name. You need to use two oars or you will just go around in circles."

 

A man was sitting in the bar and asked the bartender, a beautiful blonde, if she would like to hear a blonde joke.

 

She looked at him and asked, "Did you notice the color of my hair? Now, look down the bar. See that girl sitting there? Not only is she blonde, she is a weight lifter. Look at that table over there. Those two blondes play roller derby. And see that large blonde sitting over by the jukebox, she is a professional wrestler. Now, do you still want to tell a BLONDE joke?"

 

"I guess not," replied the man, "I hate it when I have to explain a joke that many times."

[Qapla]

A frazzled blonde cam into a bar just before the late news came on the TV over the bar. She sat on a bar stool and ordered a drink. The news came on and the lead story was about a man on a bridge that was threatening to jump. A man on a the bar stool next to the blonde said to her, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps."

 

"I'll take that bet," she agreed.

 

Just then, the man plunged from the bridge.

 

The blonde hung her head, shaking it slightly and handed the man a $20 bill.

 

"I can't take your money," the man said as he put the $20 on the bar and pushed it back to her, "I knew he was gong to jump because I saw this same story on the early news.

 

Pushing the $20 back to him she said, "Yeah, so did I, but I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to do it again."

[pnutts]

A contractor was going through a house in order to give a renovation quote. As he moved from one room to the next he would yell out the window "Green side up!" After he did this for the 3rd time the home owner asked him why he was yelling out the window 'Green side up!'   Oh, he said. "I have some blondes laying sod next door"    I can get away with blonde jokes because I'm blonde ( well sort of blonde/white/grey thinning )

Edited June 28, 2013 by pnutts

[ReadYourBible]

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

 

(Notice how I'm stealthily sliding a brunette joke in here?  I was born blonde, I'm still recovering)

[Qapla]

There were three women having dinner in a fancy restaurant. One was a brunette, one was a redhead and the other was a blonde.

 

There was a really fancy mirror on the wall in the restroom vestibule. It was a "magic" mirror and if anyone told a lie in front of the mirror they would be sucked into the mirror.

 

The brunette was well dressed in a power business suit. As she looked into the mirror she primped and commented out loud, "I think I am the smartest women it the world." There came a rushing, sucking noise and "POOF!" she was gone.

 

The redhead went into the room and saw the mirror. She stood in front of it and looked at herself from head to toe. She said, "I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world." There came a rushing, sucking noise and "POOF!" she was gone.

 

The blonde went into the room and upon seeing the mirror, looked at he reflection and said, "I think" ... there was a rushing, sucking noise and "POOF!" she was gone.

Edited June 30, 2013 by Qapla

[Hammerhead]

What do you call a blond in a tree with an attache case? Branch manager

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2

[jackmbd]

Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice carton? It said 'concentrate' on it.

 

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday.

 

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.

 

What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.

 

Why do blondes have little holes all over their face? From eating with forks.

[maladee]

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing away all the W`s