Questions males seldom ask

[kejedo]

Here's some questions I have been asked by female friends:

 

Are those false eyelashes? UM. no

Are you wearing padded undergarments? Um, no (this is a mild version of what I have been quizzed on)

Have you had work done? Um,no.)

 

I have a dear friend who frequently makes it a point to rush up to me with saying Hello or How are you and start grilling me with a question about my personal appearance. Some years ago, when she first started I mentioned that personal appearance questions of that nature make me uncomfortable.  To which she replied, "Well, I can ask  b/c we are friends. " So over the years it has been a conversation opener for her. I do not harbor resentment and immediately dismiss it.  On the other hand, it makes my unbaptized husb furious and he said it is nobody's business. (1 Thess 4:11). Several years back I was having some routine med testings, and some came back questionable. HUsb said, "If you ever need a mastectomy (which I didn't), don't tell any of your friends. I don't want them asking embarrassing questions about it."  I assured him my friends would not be so crass, but I'm not really so sure.  (Actually one gal-pal of mine did ask me what I thought was a vulgar question, even though I did not need a mastectomy).

 

So, last time I saw my dear friend she rushed over with a question about personal appearance. Today she turned around in a meeting and said to me and another woman , "How are you doing today?" Later I asked to have a moment with her. I said, "I am so glad you asked me and _______ how we were today. But I do have to confess, when you ask me questions like, (she remembered the last question) it kind of makes me feel self conscious. She said to me, "Well, I thought you had a better attitude than that." and huffed off.  Then turned around and said it is some kind of compliment. Incidentally, she let her daughter wear high heels and lip gloss in elementary school, mascara at age 12, and clip ins (hair extensions) as a teenager. I only know this b/c her daughter told me and I would never ask her about it.

 

Also, I knew one woman who had x-ray eyes. She could look at another lady and know if that person had elective surgery. Then she would comment on it. "YOu can tell she had_________."  I finally told her I didn't want to know her observations and she was ticked off at me for years.  

 

Should I have just continued to suck it up, or confessed that her questionings make me uncomfortable? I don't want to lose a dear friend ( even for a period of time). Am I being too old fashioned to think it is in poor taste to ask personal appearance questions such as is this/ are those "real?" 

 

P.S. My husband thinks I am professionally dressed and arranged at all times, and I when I had a part on the pioneer seminar, the brother from another cong told me one of the reasons I was selected was  that I was always appropriately dressed and groomed. 

 

 

 

 

 

[hatcheckgirl]

Well Pauline, you do have some inquisitive friends. If their comments make you feel uncomfortable, then they shouldn't be bringing them up. You are right to let your friend know how it made you feel. But how to convince her that it is not your 'attitude' will be hard.

 

If you can refer to scriptures such as:

1Tim 5:13 13 At the same time they also learn to be unoccupied, going around from one house to another; yes, not only unoccupied but also gossipers and meddlers in other people’s affairs, talking about things they should not.

 

1 Pet 4:15 Let none of you suffer as a ... busybody in other people’s matters.

 

Col 4:6 6 Let your words always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should answer each person

 

this might show her the seriousness of speaking out of line.  But will she take this in the spirit you wish, since she has seemed to be offended by your speaking to her about it?

 

[Old]

Sisters rush in where angels fear to tread, ... and I have no questions. 

Edited April 19, 2016 by Old

[Alexa]

There are some articles in the teenagers section in jw.org that might help to you kejedo...

[Ahuvah]

I do tend to agree sisters can be a little on the nosy side about things that don't concern us. The scriptures Sister Lucy quoted are ones that come to mind too, but it would be like walking on broken glass showing those scriptures to some sisters.  You can do nothing more than be honest and then be firmer if she doesn't listen. Always doing it with the intention of gaining your sister not alienating her, but if she chooses to alienate herself then not a lot you can do except treat her as you always have - with friendliness and kindness.

[kejedo]

I didn't hear this from the brother, Elder, himself, but from his step daughter. The brother is in his 70s (I am 65) and has a delightful, loving wife.  Anyway, her daughter told me that people have asked him if he dyes his hair (he doesn't). But what difference does it make?  I cannot imagine going up to an elder to ask if he dyes his hair.  Maybe we live in a nosy culture.

[tekmantwo]

I, also, have no questions. ..

 

If I get asked things that I consider personal,  or none of their business,  I  just smile sweetly (me?..carnivorously more like) and say, 'next question, please '...

[Jewelz]

Another response I find useful is " why do you ask?" Then change the subject.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AH173]

I really appreciate 1 Thessalonians 4:11, 12!

 

1 Thessalonians 4 :"11 Make it your aim to live quietly and to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we instructed you,  12 so that you may walk decently in the eyes of people outside and not need anything."

[Hope]

^^^That scripture is at the forefront of my mind - I love it!

 

I, for one, cannot understand someone who would be so nosy... nor do I understand anyone inclined to give them an answer.  A sweet, "that's none of your business" is sufficient for anyone, I think.

 

I'm happy I don't know anyone like that.

Edited April 20, 2016 by Hope

[kejedo]

Another anecdote: Before I moved to this congregation, their CO was someone who is now on the GB. A dear Sister, let's say Sally, told me that when he and his wife were visiting  this cong, she, Sally, had asked the wife, "How does it feel to be married to someone who will not be with you." The wife told Sister Sally, "That is none of your business."    Another  Sis over heard and told Sally, "I would have liked to ask that, too."   We recently had an article that made me think of Sally's reported first person experience.

Edited April 20, 2016 by kejedo
wording

[Tortuga]

14 hours ago, Jewelz said:

"why do you ask?"

I use that reply a lot. I use to work with a lot of people that would ask a question and then draw the wrong conclusion from the right answer, sometimes it created very costly mistakes. I got into the habit of asking them why they were asking, it gave me the opportunity to understand the intent of the question and provide the information that would help them draw the right conclusion and take the right action.

 

I think this is the perfect reply to help someone understand they have asked an inappropriate or incorrect question.

[kejedo]

I would like to ask the grape on Chris the C's pic if the raspberry beard is real? I like the pic. If he changes it, this post will make no sense.

[Tortuga]

11 hours ago, kejedo said:

I would like to ask the grape on Chris the C's pic if the raspberry beard is real? I like the pic. If he changes it, this post will make no sense.

I think he had work done...just the other day it looked like a raisin...

[Old]

Nothing going on right now on JWTalk. Need some idle talk.

Probably should never ask this, may be too personal.

Pauline, where did you get those good looking sunglasses? 

Now I have said it. 

[vern]

do you buy Macy's or thrift stores........

[tekmantwo]

1 hour ago, vern said:

do you buy Macy's or thrift stores........

I think her and the turtle got a bulk sale....

[kejedo]

5 hours ago, Old said:

Nothing going on right now on JWTalk. Need some idle talk.

Probably should never ask this, may be too personal.

Pauline, where did you get those good looking sunglasses? 

Now I have said it. 

Family Dollar

 

[kejedo]

1 hour ago, tekmantwo said:

I think her and the turtle got a bulk sale....

I have far too much clothing. Most of it from Sisters, the Bethel Hopper, or yard sales.  Since I got off most of my (respiratory) steroids and went down a size, I have been adding elastic waists, but still have to throw things out.  Not much left to recycle after clothing has already been recycled. My husb says it creeps him out that sisters pass clothes around. When I was a kid and lived in the projects, we all usually got one outfit a year for school, so we middle-school-girls borrowed from each other. Fortunately, I could sew and baby sit, so I made a few additional ensemblays.  

[kejedo]

Fun Service day. Myself in middle, back seat girl sans sunglasses.