A Poem From My Past

[Timl1980]

Little by little...I will share a few poems I wrote during my years in prison...and since. I am choosing to share this one first because, while it is deeply personal and instantly evokes emotions and memories that I have tried hard to forget...it captures a moment in time...the very moment when I finally decided to return to Jehovah. 

 

I wrote it from a place of deep pain...and yet also a place of dawning comprehension. Please read it with the following caution: I was still in the world...I was still covered in Satan's mud from head to toe...but I was finally sick of the smell, sick of feeling disgusting...I was finally able to see what my own choices and decisions had done to me. So, without further ado...I present my poem: (Please excuse my poor formatting, I did my best😬)

 

                                                                                                                             Fading Away

 

                                                                                Memories paint a picture of a childhood lost at an early age,

                                               Worries and self-doubts became nightmarish dragons which no child should be forced to slay

 

                                                                                Bad associations and worse decisions turned into two versions of me

                                                                                               while the true Timothy began slowly fading away

 

                                                                                      @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

 

                                                                 Change in residence brought with it a change in all I'd ever known and left me stunned, Loving

                                                                            one of the ones who sent me while trying to find ways to make the other one pay

 

                                                                               Revenge became acceptable in any form or fashion, But all the 

                                                                                        while the true Timothy kept slowly fading away

 

                                                                                     @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

 

                                          Inappropriate thoughts brought about improper actions, Finally thought I had met the girl of my dreams only to realize 

                                                                           too late that maturity and responsibility are the tools and love was the clay

 

                                                             But because of my failure a life was lost, The bottle in my hand and the tears which streaked my face

                                                         brought no relief as my only daughter's heart ceased to beat and the true Timothy continued fading away

                                                           

                                                                                   @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

 

                                                               Emptiness turned to pain and a loss which like acid burned everything that it touched, Life became

                                                                              meaningless as money and pride ruled every moment of every hour of every day

 

                                                                Death or prison became the only acceptable anthem that consumed my very being even

                                                                                                    as the true Timothy continued fading away

 

                                                                                    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

 

                                            Where I am now is not who I am and I will not allow its shadow to darken my every step nor will I accept that I am somehow

                                               chained to my past, True forgiveness is Jehovah's alone to give and so, With what little sanity I can muster...Faithfully I 

                                                                                                                          have continued to pray

 

                                      Daily pleas for the little girl that I was never able to hold and for my parents who taught me the meaning of generosity and compassion, For 

                                            these I want happiness even if this would mean that the true Timothy must end what he himself began...By completely fading away

                                                            

                                                                                  @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

[Naruwa]

Just read this. So touching and nothing wrong with the format. So glad the True Timothy is back with Jehovah. Thank you for sharing.