A good joke

[Tortuga]

[Old]

Snowed in this morning so got to looking at some older files. Here is one I found from way back. It is kind of long but it  fits a slow day here.

 

DON’T MESS WITH MOM  .

 

The Childs Comments and Thoughts

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.!

 

And if you ever spank me,

I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,

 better known as C.S.D."

Mom's Reply and Thoughts

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store..
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

 

I also rented out your room,

you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.. ?"  

( Author unknown)

 

[Kwabena]

9 hours ago, Old said:

Snowed in this morning so got to looking at some older files. Here is one I found from way back. It is kind of long but it  fits a slow day here.

 

DON’T MESS WITH MOM  .

 

The Childs Comments and Thoughts

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.!

 

And if you ever spank me,

I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,

 better known as C.S.D."

Mom's Reply and Thoughts

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store..
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

 

I also rented out your room,

you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.. ?"  

( Author unknown)

 

Amen 😂😂

[Pabo]

A woman's work is never done,

No time to have a little fun.

There's dishes to wash, clothes to mend,

meals to cook, there is just no end.

If one of these days if I am not treated right,

I'll close the kitchen and go on strike.

 

 

[Aria]

Proverbs 31, maybe, might be of some help and guidance...?!

[Old]

My wife was very pleased with her new hair conditioner. She said "Just feel my hair?"

I should not have rubbed my finger over her upper lip.

[Tortuga]

There used to be a Tinnitus hotline, but people complained that it just kept ringing...

[Tortuga]

One time I called the Paranoia Hotline, and no one answered...or did they...?

[rocket]

A lot of times men think "I wish women would come with instructions."  But do you know any man who ever read instructions?

[rocket]

You have a Father he becomes a father in law.
You have a Son, he becomes a son in law.
You have a Daughter, she becomes a daughter in law.
You have a Mother, she becomes a mother in law.
You have a Wife, what does she become???

Spoiler

She is the LAW.

 

[Percy]

14 minutes ago, rocket said:

You have a Father he becomes a father in law.
You have a Son, he becomes a son in law.
You have a Daughter, she becomes a daughter in law.
You have a Mother, she becomes a mother in law.
You have a Wife, what does she become???

  Hide contents

She is the LAW.

 

 

[Percy]

On 2/1/2025 at 9:24 PM, Kwabena said:

 

DON’T MESS WITH MOM

 

( Author unknown)

Amen

On 2/1/2025 at 11:53 AM, Old said:

DON’T MESS WITH MOM  

I sent this off to a brother who writes songs for fun. This will be a good one!!!

Edited February 4 by Percy
forgot the title

[rocket]

Sometimes my wife gets mad at me for behaving wrong in her dreams. That ain't fair.
Her: "I had a horrible dream last night. Do you want to hear about it?"
Him: No.
Her: "I'm going to tell you anyway.
A grizzly bear was chasing me through the woods. With his teeth, he was going to eat me And you did nothing."

[Tortuga]

1 hour ago, rocket said:

Sometimes my wife gets mad at me for behaving wrong in her dreams. That ain't fair.
Her: "I had a horrible dream last night. Do you want to hear about it?"
Him: No.
Her: "I'm going to tell you anyway.
A grizzly bear was chasing me through the woods. With his teeth, he was going to eat me And you did nothing."

Is that a dream or a nightmare? 

[rocket]

What has 6 faces and 21 eyes but cannot see?

 

Spoiler

Dice

 

[Pabo]

On 2/7/2025 at 6:11 AM, rocket said:

Sometimes my wife gets mad at me for behaving wrong in her dreams. That ain't fair.
Her: "I had a horrible dream last night. Do you want to hear about it?"
Him: No.
Her: "I'm going to tell you anyway.
A grizzly bear was chasing me through the woods. With his teeth, he was going to eat me And you did nothing."

 

Maybe she didn't notice that piece of steak that you taped to the back of her jacket earlier.

 

Well, you did do something.