A good joke

[gayathri]

[Friends just call me Ross]

Marriage requires commitment.

  

But then, so does insanity. 

 

 

 

 

[gr_rogers]

Something is buzzing around my head...............

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[jpcook]

A blonde was driving back from the mall
when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge
hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her
car leaving it full of dents. She drove to the
body shop and asked what she should do. The
body man explained what needed to be done and
that it would cost at least $4,000 to repair.
She said that was too much and asked if there
was some other way to fix it.

The body man decided to have a little fun and said,
"Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard
and they might pop back out." She decided to
give it a try before spending that much money.
                                   
She drove home and was in the garage with her lips
wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde
neighbor came over to visit. 

"What are you doing?" she shrieked thinking the
worst and thankful that she may have just prevented
her friend from committing suicide.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all
these dents out of my car," explained the first blonde.

"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied her neighbor.

"Why not?" asked the first blonde.

"Because you've got to roll up the windows first."

[jpcook]

One day a man is walking down the beach and comes across an
old bottle. Picking it up, he pulls out the cork... Sure
enough, out pops a huge blue genie. The genie says, "Thank you
for freeing me from my prison. In return I will grant you
three wishes."

The man says "Perfect.... I always dreamed of this and I know
exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a
Swiss bank account. "Suddenly, there is a flash of light and a
detailed list with Swiss Bank account numbers appears in his
hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari
right here." There is another flash of light and a bright red
Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I
want to be irresistible to women." A final blaze of light and
he turns into a box of chocolates!

[kejedo]

An elder noticed a brother asleep at the kingdom hall. So the elder picked up his bible, and then tapped on the brother's shoulder. The brother opened his eyes, and the elder showed him Mark 13:35 ("Keep looking, keep awake, for you do not know when the appointed time is"). The brother calmly took the bible and flipped to 1 Thessalonians 4:11. He handed the bible back to the brother and went back to sleep.

-"Make it your aim to live quietly and to mind your own business . . ."

One of the Governing Body was visiting our cong along with his wife. A pioneer Sis, ouside of KH, asked the wife, "What does it feel like to know your marriage mate will not be with you in the new world. "THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" answered our dear Sister. No scriptural attachment. 

Edited August 13, 2015 by kejedo

[jpcook]

What To Say When Caught Sleeping On The Job!

1. "They told me at the hospital this might happen."

2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."

3. "I was working smarter - not harder."

4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."

5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

6. "This is one of the seven profound habits of highly effective people!"

7. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."

8. "I'm in the management training program."

9. "I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP)."

10. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"

11. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"

12. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

13. "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..."

14. "I was trying to remember where that difficult Z Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead."

15. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

16. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

17. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

18. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

19. "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot."

20. "Geez, I thought you were gone for the day."

[Tortuga]

What To Say When Caught Sleeping On The Job!"

 

I managed shift workers and when I saw someone with their eyes closed I'd tell them the first thing I want to hear is "Amen"

[Old]

Found one of my employees sacked out on a scaffold 80 ft in the air. 

I was afraid he would role over when I woke him up.

His excuse "I was sleepy."

[jpcook]

Joke of the year!

 

 

"Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business."

[dilip kumar]

Lol

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[dilip kumar]

Notebooks!

A little girl and her family were on their way to the Kingdom Hall. Half way into the trip, the little girl all but shouted: "STOP! We have to go back home!"    After settling down from the sudden outburst from the back seat, the father responded: "Why? What's wrong, honey?" "Dad, we HAVE to go home now. We just HAVE to!"   Seeing the concern in her eyes, and a little tear forming in the corner, he said: "Okay, we will, we will, but can you please tell me why?"   With a brief sigh of relief, she exclaimed, "Because I forgot my notebook."   The father and mother smiled to each other. "Oh, I see. Well, that's okay. You can ..."   "No, it's NOT, Daddy!" the little girl interrupted, choking back her tears that were beginning to well up in her eyes.   "Don't you remember, Daddy? The story of the people of Noah's day? Remember, they took no notes and the flood came and swept them all away!"  

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[dilip kumar]

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[gayathri]

This is a true story

A Baby was born in india who's weight was 20kgs. after 5 min he started to stand on his legs and after 2 days he started running and after 25 days his weight went up to 40 kgs. as I said earlier its a true story

Its because the baby was a Buffalos baby

Thanks for reading it with interest

Please don't get angry,i'm searching for the guy who sent me the msg

[kejedo]

This is a true story

A Baby was born in india who's weight was 20kgs. after 5 min he started to stand on his legs and after 2 days he started running and after 25 days his weight went up to 40 kgs. as I said earlier its a true story

Its because the baby was a Buffalos baby

Thanks for reading it with interest

Please don't get angry,i'm searching for the guy who sent me the msg ☝

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Good one, Sis

[gayathri]

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

[1gemstone]

That was too funny, gayathri.....LOL

[dilip kumar]

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[gayathri]

[Fiona]

[dilip kumar]

Humor

During 1978 during the fireman's strike in England, the British army took over emergency firefighting. On January 14 they were called out by an elderly lady in South London to retrieve her cat. They arrived with impressive haste, very cleverly and carefully rescued the cat, and started to drive away. But the lady was so grateful she invited the squad of heroes in for tea. Driving off later with fond farewells and warm waving of arms, they ran over the cat and killed it.

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[gayathri]

[Friends just call me Ross]

Canadian Police Chase:      

 

[dilip kumar]

In a Nursery School Canteen...

There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it :-)

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,

A small child went & wrote on it.

"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching the apples"...

NEVER ACT SMART WITH Today's Generation..!.!

[gayathri]

Santa and Banta were coming up in an inlet in the motor boat when they saw another boat loaded with fish.Seeing as how their luck had been awful today, Santa asked the fisherman what his secret was. The fisherman replied, "Just go out to sea till the water is fresh. Then stop there and drop your line. You will get a huge haul of fish there !" Excited, Santa fired up the motor and headed out to sea. When they got a little way out, he told Banta to fill up a bucket and taste the water.Banta complied and said, "It is salty - not fresh!" So Santa went further out and told Banta to taste the water again after some time.Banta replied, "It is still salty!" And so they went out further. This went on for hours and every time Banta replied that the water was salty. Finally, it was starting to get dark and they were in the middle of nowhere, when Santa asked Banta to taste the water one last time.Banta replied, "But Santa, there is no more water left in the bucket.