JW jokes

[alexcolato]

jajajajaja, thanks for that joke, you made me laugh so much!!!!!

[Qapla]

Three brothers were having lunch together. One was a pioneer, one was a CO and the other was a Special Pioneer who had recently returned from a foreign assignment.

They all had soup.

A fly landed in the pioneer's bowl. He paused, looked around for the waiter and requested a new bowl of soup.

A fly also landed in the CO's bowl. He casually used his spoon to scoop the fly up and folded the wet fly into his napkin and returned to his soup.

The special pioneer also had a fly land in his soup. He grabbed the fly from the soup holding one wing in each hand and, holding the fly over the bowl said "Spit IT Out! Spit IT Out!"

[Lilac Isosceles]

I might get in trouble from the sisters for telling this joke

but I am willing to take that risk. I can assure you I am

not a misogynist. I have agape love for all of my sisters.

Here is the joke.

Why shouldn't older women drink immature wine?

Jesus said that you shouldn't put new wine into old bags.

[Lin ASL Ebron]

I'm 53, It's ok for me to laugh

[SUNRAY]

My husband really liked that one! He can laugh because he knows I can't drink wine anymore!

C.O. told us this one: What is the difference between "unlawful" and "illegal" hmmmm...answer" unlawful is breaking the law, and Ill eagle is a sick bird"! The funny thing was we were in a car group and he seemed serious and everybody kept searching their minds for the right definition! We were trying to impress him with our analitical thinking...it was sooo funny!

[jpcook]

I might get in trouble from the sisters for telling this joke

but I am willing to take that risk. I can assure you I am

not a misogynist. I have agape love for all of my sisters.

Here is the joke.

Why shouldn't older women drink immature wine?

Jesus said that you shouldn't put new wine into old bags.

This reminds me of another joke:

"Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.":bringiton:

[Qapla]

Three women walk into a bar ... you would think at least ONE of them would have seen it hanging there!

[jpcook]

Three women walk into a bar ... you would think at least ONE of them would have seen it hanging there!

Good one John!

Here's a real life one:

After leg surgery my wife needed some kind of lift to get up and down out of bed.

So I told her I would go out and look for a “hydraulic lift”

[jpcook]

Here's another!

While folding clothes I noticed that my wife Jan had monogrammed underwear!

I asked her when she got them, she said, “I don’t have monogrammed underwear”

I looked closer and saw that it read “J” for “Jumbo”

[jpcook]

This one is for sisters who wear wigs... they'll get it!

A sister visited ill wife and offered to come back and help her wash her hair!

I suggested that she just take it with her to wash!

[jpcook]

Okay, this is the last one...

During her therapy I told my wife, "you need to slide over more toward the center of the bed to balance it out."

Then I said, "You’ll have to slide yourself, I can’t help much, I didn’t bring my tow-truck!"

[rocket]

Okay, this is the last one...

During her therapy I told my wife, "you need to slide over more toward the center of the bed to balance it out."

Then I said, "You’ll have to slide yourself, I can’t help much, I didn’t bring my tow-truck!"

So John, do you have nice carpet in your dog house? How's the outside shower working out?

[nonee]

One of the things I most appreciate about being in the Truth is that the brothers generally treat all us sisters with respect; they value us for what we bring to the organization and treat us with appreciation, giving us dignity. That's in contrast with the world, where men belittle and disparage women and women do the same to men. Having a sense of humor is a good thing, but when it's at the expense of others it diminishes our love for one another, our identifying mark.

[jpcook]

Okay, this is the last one...

During her therapy I told my wife, "you need to slide over more toward the center of the bed to balance it out."

Then I said, "You’ll have to slide yourself, I can’t help much, I didn’t bring my tow-truck!"

So John, do you have nice carpet in your dog house? How's the outside shower working out?

Awe, it was all in fun... she died laughing at the jokes... she had knee surgery, and anything to ease the pain helped.

She couldn't wait to repeat the jokes to her friends!

This reminds me of an old adage: "If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old."

[Joey]

Okay, this is the last one...

During her therapy I told my wife, "you need to slide over more toward the center of the bed to balance it out."

Then I said, "You’ll have to slide yourself, I can’t help much, I didn’t bring my tow-truck!"

So John, do you have nice carpet in your dog house? How's the outside shower working out?

Awe, it was all in fun... she died laughing at the jokes... she had knee surgery, and anything to ease the pain helped.

She couldn't wait to repeat the jokes to her friends!

This reminds me of an old adage: "If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old."

One of my favorite elders used to have a new one for us everyday in service...he'd say "The other day I went down to the river to drown my sorrows, but Martha kept bobbing back up."

Or this one....

"I married an angel, she's always up in the air harping."

One day he flattened someone's mailbox, backed right over it and he looked at her and said "Somebody wasn't watching!" That just killed us.

[Lilac Isosceles]

Adam was in the Garden of Eden and when he had

finished naming all the animals he felt very lonely.

Noticing how Adam was feeling Jehovah spoke to

him. About the breezy part of the day He told Adam

that He was going to create a mate for him. To be his

companion. Adam's spirits began to lift. Jehovah told

Adam that she would be everything he ever dreamed

of and more. She'd be beautiful, she'd cook for him and

generally wait on him hand and foot. Adam was so happy.

He said to Jehovah, "You are such a loving Father, O how

I do love you." Jehovah then said to Adam, "There is one

small catch. It will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam

thinks about it for a minute a says, "How much can I get for a rib?"

[Qapla]

Some time ago a brother in our congregation bought a new truck. This truck was really decked out with quite a few "enhancements" (they were in the truck accessory business". He drove to a local restaurant for lunch in his truck and had just parked when a man came up to him and commented on how nice the truck looked.

The man then commented that a truck like this must have cost "an arm and a leg".

The brother opened his door, put out his crutches and, as he got out, he said "Well, a leg - anyway"

The man was mortified that he had said that to someone with only one leg. The brother thought it was hilarious - he has learned to joke about his missing leg.

The added funny part for me was that I knew the man who had said that to the brother so I heard the story from both of them. He was relieved when I told him that the brother was not upset ... that he thought it was funny.