Seeing "the invisible"ones in our Congregation

[DancesWithWife]

I had a conversation with a brother yesterday before the meeting. I told him I had missed seeing him at the meetings and not hearing his answers. I did say I saw you on Zoom for those meetings. We were home sick for about 3 weeks, when on Zoom I always like to see who is online. He thanked me, but then added he felt like he was invisible. He thanked me before the meeting began as he came in just as the meeting was about to start. I put my arm around his shoulder as we walked to our seats, telling him I was glad he was there. He then sent a heartfelt text to me after the meeting.

 

Why do people feel invisible? It's not just a small problem in the congregation but those in the world have these same things. I was speaking with the manager and a cashier at the local Grocery Outlet who feel this way too. But what causes a person to feel invisible? Here is one explanation I found: "People often say they feel "invisible" when they feel like they are being ignored, disregarded, or not fully seen or heard by others, which can stem from various factors like low self-esteem, lack of validation, societal biases based on gender, race, or age, past experiences of neglect, shyness, or even just feeling like their opinions and needs aren't taken seriously in their relationships or social circles."

 

In a bigger congregation one could just blend in with the others, making them appear invisible. Some people are naturally reserved and quiet, others not so much.  One sister who older and very quiet told my wife she is not much value at the Kingdom Hall as she feels she does not have much to offer. We should never tell a person "that's not true", instead say "I see your value  and Jehovah knows more than I do."

 

Have you ever felt invisible to others? How did you help someone who felt invisible?   

[Landon1285]

Honestly it can be a number of things but from my experience it's been that some feel: "no one (no other human) understands what I'm going through."

 

To help I've taken note of those a bit distant socially at meetings and try to strike up a conversation. Some are brief while others tell me everything that is going on with them. 

 

So I would say personal interest combined with their trust in our sincerity when speaking to them helps the most. 

 

[DancesWithWife]

17 hours ago, Landon1285 said:

So I would say personal interest combined with their trust in our sincerity when speaking to them helps the most. 

Agreed. I have heard some say to those who have been missing or not answering lately say "I miss hearing your answers". While this seems to be a compliment, one who is struggling just hears "you miss my comments, but not me the person."  How we speak to the depressed, sad and lonely is very important.

 

I often think of Paul's words to the Thessalonians at 1 Thessalonians 5:14 "to warn the disorderly, speak consolingly to those who are depressed,support the weak, be patient toward all". The study note on this verse added "Paul does not urge fellow Christians to admonish or warn the depressed. Rather, he asks that Christians comfort or console them." The other study note on this verse about consoling stated "speak consolingly: The Greek verb for “speak consolingly” (pa·ra·my·theʹo·mai) is also used at John 11:19, 31 regarding the Jews who went to console Mary and Martha after the death of their brother, Lazarus. It denotes a great degree of tenderness and comfort.”

 

Instead of saying I miss hearing your answers, you could say, "I find it very encouraging to hear your answers, your insight makes me appreciate how much you value your relationship or your love for Jehovah." Then follow up simply stating "I miss seeing you here at the meetings, like many of us I know you must have struggles that many of us are not aware of."

[Tortuga]

6 minutes ago, DancesWithWife said:

I have heard some say to those who have been missing or not answering lately say "I miss hearing your answers". While this seems to be a compliment, one who is struggling just hears "you miss my comments, but not me the person."  How we speak to the depressed, sad and lonely is very important.

That is a good point. Saying "I miss your comments" lets them know we miss them, but it might make them feel guilty for not commenting. You make a good point about missing the person, not just what they did.

[jdcarlson]

I am 80 years old, living in a "retirement complex." I have an "independent living" apartment. My wife is in the Alzheimers' ward.

I first started talking at the doors in 1949. I have been active in Jehovah's organization for 75 years.

I pioneered for seven years, starting while still in high school and continued until my son was six months old and we needed the extra money I could make working full time.

Over the years, I have had many privileges. My first appointment in the Congregation was in 1963 as "Book Study Conductor." In 1965 I was made "Bible Study Servant" and, as such, on the "Congregation Committee."  I was appointed as an Elder in 1972.

At the Circuit level, I was "Music Overseer" for about 10 years (until the Society quit having live music at assemblies). After that I had a short time as "First Aid Overseer" (despite the fact that I suffer from vasovagal syncope, a fancy way of saying I literally faint at the sight of blood). When the brothers realized I was a Certified Public Accountant, I ended up in "Auditing" for several years, until my wife came down with "deteriorating disc disease" (when the discs between the vertabrae collapse and pinch the nerves in the spinal column). I could not leave her flat on her back in bed and go take care of contributions, etc., at the assembly. The assignment developed to the point that the Assembly Overseer would have me conduct the "business" portion of the "Elders' Meeting" at the Circuit Assembly (he had a hard time making sense of financial statements, etc.).

At the District level I was "Music Overseer" for several years, and later was in charge of "auditing."

When our current Kingdom Hall was built (1965-1966) I was on the "Congregation Committee" and intimately involved in the construction. When the hall was doubled in size (1989) I was chairman of the committee in charge of the project. When the hall was renovated (2002) the BOE asked me to step in as chairman of the committee when the brother caring for that moved out of town.

I accumulated 16 weeks of "temporary Bethel service" working with the legal department in Brooklyn and at Patterson.

Now, I am "reaping the result" of spending 50 years behind a desk in my secular work. I have significant back problems, and lack of energy. I do not try to drive at night, so my only time to get to the Kingdom Hall is on Sunday. Frequently I do not have the energy to get out of bed, take my shower, get dressed, and go to the Hall. 

So, I end up "attending" meetings on Zoom a lot of times.

I have been in the same congregation for the past 61 years. When I look at our old wedding photos, there are only five people (besides my wife and myself) who are still around.  So many dear ones are no longer here. I treasure the time I spent with these dear ones who were faithful for many years, and lived out their course of life faithful to Jehovah.  But   -   I dearly miss those times.

I have been in the "retirement complex" for six years. Two brothers have come by together twice to visit. But, other than that, only my son and his family have been to the apartment. My son calls at least five times a week, but he has his hands full with two boys (17 & 19) and his wife's parents (in their 90s) who are not in the truth, and are getting difficult for him to deal with.

I dearly treasure the privileges I have had in Jehovah's organization. I still remember vividly the first time I went to Bethel for temporary work. I arrived on a Sunday night in February, 1989. I was soooo excited to there  in Jehovah's house, where everything was happening. And I was not there as a tourist (as I had been many times before), or as a student (when attending Kingdom Ministry School in 1972), but to really do something to try to "advance kingdom interests!''  It was almost as if I could feel the prayers of the members of the Bethel family rising to Jehovah at the end of their day. I had a hard time going to sleep that night.  I truly treasure the memories of those times when I was able to do temporary work with the brothers in the legal department.  

But now, I do feel "invisible" at times. I wish I could still do the things I did when I was younger and had the energy. But that is not possible now.

I put a lot of the "blame" on COVID, and the lockdown it caused. During COVID we had to transfer my wife to the alzheimers' ward (which was emotionally VERY difficult). Shortly after transferring my wife, my mother died (at age 97). I am so thankful for the way my son has turned out. He was the one why shouldered most of the problems in the transfer of my wife, and the death of my mother.

By the time the "lockdown" was eased, my physical limitations came into play, severely limiting my theocratic activity. Now, I have to be satisfied with writing letters.

For so many years I was so involved with congregation activities! I truly miss those privileges. Most of the brothers in the congregation with whom I worked are now gone (passed away or moved). And I miss them dearly. There are probably only four elders still in the congregation with whom I worked so much, and only one of them is old enough to remember a lot of what I did. The newer elders (mostly moving in from other congregations or cities) have no knowledge of the things I was involved in when I was younger.

So, yes, I do feel "invisible."

I try to remember the privileges I have had in the past, and cherish those memories. I console myself that I did what I could when I could.

I am ready for the new order to be here. But, we need to be patient and wait until it is Jehovah's time for everything to happen.

I apologize sincerely for the negative tone of this post. 

I did not mean to sound so downhearted.

We need the new order to be here SOON.

 

After I wrote this, I remember a post I made earlier in another discussion. There are several scriptures that have helped me to deal with the "invisibleness."

There are several scriptures in Psalms that I find comforting:

Psalms 37:25

I was once young and now I am old,

But, I have not seen anyone righteous abandoned

Nor his children looking for bread.

Psalms 71:9

Do not abandon me when my strength fails.

Psalms 71:18

Even when I am old and gray, o God, do not abandon me.

Let me tell the next generation about your power

And about your mightiness to all those who are to come.  

 

Especially the opening line of Psalms 71:18

Even when I am old and gray, o God, do not abandon me.

 

Hopefully, these will put a more positive "slant" on this post.

 

Thanks,

Jim

Edited 11 hours ago by jdcarlson

[JBee]

Jim, 

 

I am very moved by your sentiments. I don't read it as negative, more, matter of fact if anything. It really reminds me to "check on" our dear brothers and sisters who are limited, something I often simply forget to do. 

Along with knowing how much Jehovah loves you and your service, both what you did and what you are still doing, please know that we do see anyone in your position and truly love you.

 

Keep going!

 

PS: I compare letter writing to being like Paul doing the planting, while you may not always do the watering like Apollos; it is a rather necessary step ☺️

[Old]

9 minutes ago, jdcarlson said:

I am 80 years old, living in a "retirement complex." I have an "independent living" apartment. My wife is in the Alzheimers' ward.

I first started talking at the doors in 1949. I have been active in Jehovah's organization for 75 years.

I pioneered for seven years, starting while still in high school and continued until my son was six months old and we needed the extra money I could make working full time.

Over the years, I have had many privileges. My first appointment in the Congregation was in 1963 as "Book Study Conductor." In 1965 I was made "Bible Study Servant" and, as such, on the "Congregation Committee."  I was appointed as an Elder in 1972.

At the Circuit level, I was "Music Overseer" for about 10 years (until the Society quit having live music at assemblies). After that I had a short time as "First Aid Overseer" (despite the fact that I suffer from vasovagal syncope, a fancy way of saying I literally faint at the sight of blood). When the brothers realized I was a Certified Public Accountant, I ended up in "Auditing" for several years, until my wife came down with "deteriorating disc disease" (when the discs between the vertabrae collapse and pinch the nerves in the spinal column). I could not leave her flat on her back in bed and go take care of contributions, etc., at the assembly. The assignment developed to the point that the Assembly Overseer would have me conduct the "business" portion of the "Elders' Meeting" at the Circuit Assembly (he had a hard time making sense of financial statements, etc.).

At the District level I was "Music Overseer" for several years, and later was in charge of "auditing."

When our current Kingdom Hall was built (1965-1966) I was on the "Congregation Committee" and intimately involved in the construction. When the hall was doubled in size (1989) I was chairman of the committee in charge of the project. When the hall was renovated (2002) the BOE asked me to step in as chairman of the committee when the brother caring for that moved out of town.

I accumulated 16 weeks of "temporary Bethel service" working with the legal department in Brooklyn and at Patterson.

Now, I am "reaping the result" of spending 50 years behind a desk in my secular work. I have significant back problems, and lack of energy. I do not try to drive at night, so my only time to get to the Kingdom Hall is on Sunday. Frequently I do not have the energy to get out of bed, take my shower, get dressed, and go to the Hall. 

So, I end up "attending" meetings on Zoom a lot of times.

I have been in the same congregation for the past 61 years. When I look at our old wedding photos, there are only five people (besides my wife and myself) who are still around.  So many dear ones are no longer here. I treasure the time I spent with these dear ones who were faithful for many years, and lived out their course of life faithful to Jehovah.  But   -   I dearly miss those times.

I have been in the "retirement complex" for six years. Two brothers have come by together twice to visit. But, other than that, only my son and his family have been to the apartment. My son calls at least five times a week, but he has his hands full with two boys (17 & 19) and his wife's parents (in their 90s) who are not in the truth, and are getting difficult for him to deal with.

I dearly treasure the privileges I have had in Jehovah's organization. I still remember vividly the first time I went to Bethel for temporary work. I arrived on a Sunday night in February, 1989. I was soooo excited to there  in Jehovah's house, where everything was happening. And I was not there as a tourist (as I had been many times before), or as a student (when attending Kingdom Ministry School in 1972), but to really do something to try to "advance kingdom interests!''  It was almost as if I could feel the prayers of the members of the Bethel family rising to Jehovah at the end of their day. I had a hard time going to sleep that night.  I truly treasure the memories of those times when I was able to do temporary work with the brothers in the legal department.  

But now, I do feel "invisible" at times. I wish I could still do the things I did when I was younger and had the energy. But that is not possible now.

I put a lot of the "blame" on COVID, and the lockdown it caused. During COVID we had to transfer my wife to the alzheimers' ward (which was emotionally VERY difficult). Shortly after transferring my wife, my mother died (at age 97). I am so thankful for the way my son has turned out. He was the one why shouldered most of the problems in the transfer of my wife, and the death of my mother.

By the time the "lockdown" was eased, my physical limitations came into play, severely limiting my theocratic activity. Now, I have to be satisfied with writing letters.

For so many years I was so involved with congregation activities! I truly miss those privileges. Most of the brothers in the congregation with whom I worked are now gone (passed away or moved). And I miss them dearly. There are probably only four elders still in the congregation with whom I worked so much, and only one of them is old enough to remember a lot of what I did. The newer elders (mostly moving in from other congregations or cities) have no knowledge of the things I was involved in when I was younger.

So, yes, I do feel "invisible."

I try to remember the privileges I have had in the past, and cherish those memories. I console myself that I did what I could when I could.

I am ready for the new order to be here. But, we need to be patient and wait until it is Jehovah's time for everything to happen.

I apologize sincerely for the negative tone of this post. 

I did not mean to sound so downhearted.

We need the new order to be here SOON.

Thanks,

Jim

Dear Brother Jim, thank you for telling my your story. Ages similar. I am 86, wife is 84. I was not as successful at pioneering only lasted two years but I started turning in field service in 1948. I was appointed congregation Bible Study Conductor at 16, Assistant Congregation Servant at 17.  Like you I have served on a number of 'Building Committees' down through the years. I was a "superintendent" on our local assembly hall rebuild. (Yes that is what they called that position, some what appropriate as I was  a construction superintendent already by vocation.)

 

I am saddened by your wifes situation, my wife and I are blessed with relative good health and live central to our large family in the truth. I continue serving as an elder though apparently on the infirm list, whatever that means. Because of some physical problems I no longer handle any part from the platform but do accept an occasional assignment for prayer. My mind checks out when I try to comment so for the most part I am just a cipher at meetings and only write letters for my personal service. 

 

Thank you very much for your life's experience.

 

[Doug]

55 minutes ago, jdcarlson said:

 

Over the years, I have had many privileges. 

But now, I do feel "invisible" at times. 

I try to remember the privileges I have had in the past, and cherish those memories. I console myself that I did what I could when I could.

I apologize sincerely for the negative tone of this post. 

I did not mean to sound so downhearted.

 

 

 

Dear Brother Carlson, thank you for your beautiful record of faithful service.  As Jerry and Jonathan have said, your story is heartwarming to the rest of us.

 

I'll be brief when it come to my story.  Baptized 50 years ago next month.  I was ready to do anything asked of me to advance Kingdom interests.  Satan saw a soft target, young man coming out of the world.

 

I had some privileges. I was invited to Bethel and served at Watchtower Farms.  After leaving, I later went to Brooklyn for temp work.  Still later, I served in Africa as an International Volunteer Construction Worker.  And I was a Ministerial Servant for a short time.

 

In the congregation, I have felt invisible for a long time.  I still had the "Here I am, send me" spirit, but was passed over for any more appointments.  Meanwhile, we had a brother who was removed, reinstated, appointed a MS and then an elder.

 

I believe Jehovah did something for me however. He helped me to understand my situation a little better. Like David said at Psalm 61:2  "When my heart is in despair. Lead me onto a rock that is higher than I am".  One day, out of nowhere, the Presiding Overseer came up to me and said "I love Brother so-and-so, but I don't want to serve on the Body with him".  Why on earth would he say that?  Isn't that confidential?  It was later when the light came on in my head.  The PO was possibly used by Jehovah, or it was his own idea, to help me understand why I have been passed over.  It was a personality thing.  When he told me that brother so-and-so wasn't going to be recommended, he was telling me I wasn't going to be recommended.  It's the human factor.  That's how I interpret his unexpected statement.  It was like a merciful gift from Jehovah.

 

Brother Carlson, you shared a few scriptures that help you cope.  One of mine is Ecclesiastes 9:4 "A live dog is better off than a dead lion".  I simply thank Jehovah for my good health and my honor to be one of His servants during these last, last days.  The day will come when no one will speak about life in the old system of things.  We will ALL move forward with our incorruptible Leader who reads hearts, mentors and rewards faith.

[DancesWithWife]

3 hours ago, jdcarlson said:

I am 80 years old, living in a "retirement complex." I have an "independent living" apartment. My wife is in the Alzheimers' ward.

 

2 hours ago, Old said:

Dear Brother Jim, thank you for telling my your story. Ages similar. I am 86, wife is 84

Both of your comments made me think of Anna & Simeon. They were close to the same age as you two faithful brothers. Did they ever feel "invisible" to those around them. Maybe. But it never stopped them from doing their very best to serve Jehovah. But most importantly they were clearly seen by Jehovah and he blessed their faithfulness. This discussion has opened my eyes to those around me, thank you both for your years of service, example and loyalty. 

Edited 7 hours ago by DancesWithWife
grammar