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Snails...


Tortuga

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Arrrrgggghhh..

Even though I pen these words by the light of the moon I fear they will be my last for I am certain that my every move is being observed by eye stalks. Captain Mollusk and his shelled warriors have once again declared war on my plants and as I fear for my life, this is a battle to the death!

 

Captain Mollusk tested the battle lines this morning and invaded the agapanthus closest to his secret headquarters, ah! That was his mistake for now I know where his army of shelled warriors are hiding, their contempt for my plants is evident for they have left evidence of their presence on every leave. 

 

I declare today a small victory for I was able to secure a bucket of soapy water from my stores and though I struck a critical blow to the army of shelled warriors, the war has just begun. They are slow and methodical in their attacks and have the advantage of attacking while I sleep however now I am prepared. 

 

Pray for me my friends for the battle has just begun and my survival is not certain. I pray these words find their way to the hands of those that will continue the battle when I am gone…
 

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Alas...

My hands are stained with the slime of my enemy but my conscience is clear, I will rout the rout no matter the route I must take.  I weep at the sight of the children being forced into the battle, Captain Mollusk is a heartless creature! however today's cubs are tomorrows wolves, a snail is a snail and I must do what I must do...

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Sigh...

I am but a single soldier against the onslaught of shelled warriors. I am bigger, stronger, smarter, faster but my days are numbered.  I pray that those that find my final words will use them to win the war. Today I will use a bucket of soapy water but my arms are exhausted and I fear I will drop, tomorrow I will use beer and if there is any left over I will give it to the snails, perhaps if I befriend just one of the shelled warriors and pry him with alcohol I may learn of their secret plans. It is said that loose lips sink ships but in my heart I don't believe snails have lips so my plan may be doomed. 

 

I am searching my stores for garlic and butter, I have heard that even the American snails will quake in fear at the sight of melted garlic butter, I detest resorting to such barbaric measures but I must win this war!

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Build  a moat around your vegetable garden and fill it with water ... or beer ... they get drunk and can't be bothered with your veges ... that will fix those who arent in your garden yet. But those who are ... find it impossible to crawl over eggshells. Crush up as many eggshells as possible and spread it around - the shells are good for the soil too.

 

Failing that pick up all you can, and go get your garlic and butter and blanch them before adding the sauce. Good idea to purge them for three days - otherwise they may have grit in them and any infected with garden poisons will die in the purging period.

 

Purging: put them in a tank with light or something else metal that they can't crawl out of  - a gallon drum cut in half with a glass top does the trick nicely and add either potato or breadcrumbs and they will eat that and will be more edible.

 

One would think turtles would have more compassion for another shelled creature.

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It may be time to begin a selective service draft campaign and draft a pet duck or two. When I had an invasion of snails, a friend brought over his pet duck and it proved to be a relentless predator. In a few days not a snail could be found. We celebrated the victory with a great feast of roasted duck. eating-turkey-2.gif.06609646873f8a33d787


Edited by Musky
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Ahhh...

I sensed something was amiss today as I inspected the battlefield, the ants seem to be avoiding me, I could hear hurried conversations ceasing as I approached, smiles turn to frowns, eyes darting to any direction but toward me. I suspect Captain Mollusk has formed an alliance with Queen Antz and I will soon find myself fighting against a coalition. I have known these ants for hours, we have become quite close and I should feel betrayed but they are worker ants, they have to do what they are told to do.. sigh..


Edited by Tortuga
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9 hours ago, GrumpysWife said:

I use a saucer of beer to catch these sneaky, slimy, suckers of life. They love beer,  even the cheap stuff. 

I heard about the beer technique from Mother Earth News.  So I tried it.

I filled a half dozen metal pie plates with beer and set them out  amidst my precious, chomped on plants.

 

The next morning, I went out to see the results.

The pie tins were shredded, the beer was gone and there wasn't a drowned snail in sight.

 

An inebriated skunk came stumbling out of the bushes and began zigzagging his way across the lawn.

 

That is when I realized what must have happened.

 

The skunk must've dined on the drowned escargot and got shined up in the process.^_^

 

I told my hubby, "Hmmm...That must be where the saying, 'Drunker than a skunk' comes from."56cfb8a1559de_GrinBig.gif.87a825acb208b1

s-l300.jpg

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I enjoyed this sea novel written on land which airs your views about the terrible life.... U caused to the weaker life form.....! They would consider you as Goliath but you my friend , are a Samson in a mansion with a big tension which, now everybody knows, because of your mention.

We pray ,that let peace prevail in......

.....Our hearts ,as we hear of more deaths.

Let Jah bless the valiant and bring honor to the fore.

Sent from my C6802 using Tapatalk

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The day dawns a new day and there is hope on the horizon. Queen Antz and her army have retreated after I struck TERRO in their hearts, it is a wonderfully sweet concoction filled with the hidden poisons of the world that no ant can partake of and survive. I dreaded using such a dastardly treat on the innocent victims of Queen Antz unholy alliance with Captain Mollusk but she left me no choice and now my army of organized friends are gone. We will be enemies one day but not today, seeing their smiling mandibles was a welcome treat after the harsh winter we suffered together, but now..they are gone.

 

Captain Mollusk has retreated as well, today in the cold light of the morning sun I found but three of his scouts on the outer edges of the pittosporum carefully surveying the land, I hastened their demise and quickly placed them in a tub of soapy water for I have realized that snails are as adverse to soapy water as little boys, which confirms the old words that boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails...

 

Tomorrow I shall be so bold as to venture into the agapanthus and pittosporum at the crack of dawn to continue my search for Captain Mollusk and his shelled warriors... 

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4 hours ago, Tortuga said:

The day dawns a new day and there is hope on the horizon. Queen Antz and her army have retreated after I struck TERRO in their hearts, it is a wonderfully sweet concoction filled with the hidden poisons of the world that no ant can partake of and survive. I dreaded using such a dastardly treat on the innocent victims of Queen Antz unholy alliance with Captain Mollusk but she left me no choice and now my army of organized friends are gone. We will be enemies one day but not today, seeing their smiling mandibles was a welcome treat after the harsh winter we suffered together, but now..they are gone.

 

Captain Mollusk has retreated as well, today in the cold light of the morning sun I found but three of his scouts on the outer edges of the pittosporum carefully surveying the land, I hastened their demise and quickly placed them in a tub of soapy water for I have realized that snails are as adverse to soapy water as little boys, which confirms the old words that boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails...

 

Tomorrow I shall be so bold as to venture into the agapanthus and pittosporum at the crack of dawn to continue my search for Captain Mollusk and his shelled warriors... 

 Does your wife take movies of your garden antics? If so I'd pay to see them .. well I'd pay a little.

 

 


Edited by Stormswift
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Eureka! ( AKA you stink)

I have discovered a weapon that is most effective against Captain Mollusks shelled warriors for it has long range and short range capabilities and causes instant death.

 

It is an older technology but still sound, I fired a test shot in the still of the night to demonstrate the worthy weapon is still capable of mass destruction, alas for the slimy scouts, for Captain Mollusk paid no heed and I was forced, yes, driven like a madman to use the weapon on them.  They would have died where they stood if such were possible for a gastropod.  A spray bottle of Simple Green is both simple and green, it harms not the plant but wreaks instant destruction upon the mollusca. 

 

Now, like a fiend with a single thought, I relentlessly hunt them for a few minutes each morning after my coffee, I will not cease and I will not be deterred!

 

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  • 10 months later...

The biblical canopy has been falling for days and the ground is saturated with the mist known as rain. I tempted a brief inspection of the agapanthus, for as a Lily of the Nile I am never in denial that it will be attacked by Captain Mollusk, but imagine my surprise when though the time is perfect for his attack...he is not to be!  

 

Were my counter attacks successful? Have the Captain and his shelled warriors permanently retreated? Has the Captain shriveled from the battle and is now merely an empty shell of his former self?

 

A the new day dawns I will once again venture into  the garden and search for my slimy enemy...

 

 

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  • 5 years later...

As I lie here I reflect on the epic battles of the past. 

 

My battle with Captain Mollusk began on a night such as this. His best shelled warriors, known by their comrades in slime as the Mucus Makers, had invaded my territory over 2000 moons ago.

 

I found myself in a quandary, at crossroads, at a fork in the road (and a spoon in hand), I was lost. I was on the painful horns of a moral dilemma (and stuck on a rose bush). How do I take up arms with an enemy without arms? Is he truly unarmed?

 

Ahhh...but Captain Mollusk and his General Molluscum could sense my indecisiveness and they attacked! 

 

I fought back with all my might! I prayed I might survive long enough to warn others, (and finish my coffee). 

 

I used all of my skills, (and buckets of soapy water), to vanquish my enemy. I attacked like a madman, laughing gleefully as I pluck one after another shelled warrior from hiding. The Bluejays that eye the carnage loudly accepting my insanity.

 

Now, nearly 2000 moons have passed without sign of the slimey Captain Mollusk. Nevertheless, I shall not declare victory until the appointed time has passed. 

 

Surely 2000 is a number of biblical proportions. It is 200 times greater than the 10 plagues. It is 50 times greater than 40 days and nights of rain, it is twice a millinium. So I wait, wine by day and coffee by night, patiently waiting. Time moves at a snails pace and slime moves at a snails place. 

 

Do not fear for me, I have the Arachnid Army as silent company, their eyes constantly roving while I wait. They play their giant harps and seduce the winged creatures of the night. Times fun when you are having flies and I don't begrudge them their joy.

 

So my friends, the journal ends with the journey, Captain Mollusk has apparently chosen to take the S car and go. Keep on the watch and remember how much can be accomplished at a snails pace.

 

 

 


Edited by Tortuga
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  • 4 months later...
On 2/7/2022 at 7:58 AM, Tortuga said:

So my friends, the journal ends with the journey, Captain Mollusk has apparently chosen to take the S car and go. Keep on the watch and remember how much can be accomplished at a snails pace.

I truly believe from the bottom of my heart and the sole of my shoe, that Captain Mollusk is dead. His generation of organized warriors are gone, the shelled ones have eaten their last leaf and left.

 

But Alas! A new generation has emerged! They are not the Mollusk-millennials or Zoomers of gastropod lore (definitely not Zoomers), they are Gen-M. They are not organized as Captain Mollusk, no, this new generation use guerrilla tactics to attack the unsuspecting greenery. They form flash mobs, they smash and grab, they call for an S-Cargo to pick them up so they can escape. They are easily identified as Gen-M, the eyestalks are over developed from staring at their devices. Some of the shells are bright colors. They have developed a language that no man can understand.

 

The battle has been renewed. I hear them taunt me when I walk the wet grass "Boomer, boomer" they utter, so I grant their request. I fight with a solution of water and lye, for we live by the truth and die by the lye (or Dawn dishwashing soap, it's gentler on the hands).

 

So the fight continues twice a week when the sprinkler system draws the Gen-M from their resting places and entices them with the green green grass of home. 

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