Ze Drem of a united Urop

[Ahuvah]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

(Just had to post this - i think it's very clever).

 

[New World Explorer]

33 minutes ago, Stormswift said:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

(Just had to post this - i think it's very clever).

 

Boy o..boy ...you're talented dat was funny  

You think english is hard to spell?

Try this in polish.. Chrzaszcz brzmi w trzcinie w trzebszerczynie albo w przemyslu i  szczebrzeszyn

The notoriously difficult phonology of the Polish language has always caused much trouble and confusion for neighbouring nations. But what are the absolute hardest words?

Germans look at Polish and see incomprehensible series of consonants. While to the east, Polish sounds so strange to Russians that they even have a verb for Poles speaking their language: pshekat. To top it off, Czechs think Poles sound like Czech children with a speech defect.

What makes Polish sound so uniquely challenging? While most individual sounds are known to English-speakers ‒ read our listen-along Foreigner’s Guide to the Polish Alphabet if you don’t believe us ‒ things go downhill once they’re lumped together into actual words.

The most troublesome feature of Polish orthography is what linguists call complex consonant clusters ‒  series of consonants without any vowels. They occur in many languages, including English; for example, in the word ‘shrug’ the letters shr form a consonant cluster. But while English usually draws the line at three consonants, Polish sometimes joins as many as five consonants, a phenomenon called the Polish syllable structure, which is allegedly surpassed only by Georgian in terms of complexity.

[Ahuvah]

Oh this wasn't mine ... im not that smart - Dalbyj is that smart but its not hers either.

[Miss Bea]

Well, who ever did this, it was hysterical!

[Raven]

This reminds me...I don't understand why English doesn't use any diacritics when it desperately needs them.

[Tortuga]

Just now, Bjern said:

This reminds me...I don't understand why English doesn't use any diacritics when it desperately needs them.

We have enough critics already....

[Raven]

24 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

We have enough critics already....

Well it's never going to be perfect, but diacritics would make it considerably easier for English language learners (and English is the most learned language). Otherwise, how would you explain how "giant", "gnome", and "grumpy" are different?

[Qapla]

Well, for those who complain about how "English" is not unified anyway - you know, there is the "Queens/Kings English" (like they supposedly speak in the UK), then there is "American English", of course that does not actually include the "Canadian English Eh". Then there is the English spoken "Down Under" ......

 

They have lost sight of the problems with other languages:

• The majority of those who speak Portuguese, speak the Brazilian variety, not the one spoken in the country the language is names for.
• How many dialects of Chinese are there?
• Let's not even get started on Spanish - like from Spain, Cuban, Puerto rican, Mexican, etc, etc, etc

[Friends just call me Ross]

1 hour ago, Bjern said:

... how would you explain how "giant", "gnome", and "grumpy" are different?

A giant is big...like Goliath.

 

A gnome is small.

 

Grumpy was a dwarf...one of seven.  Dwarfs are also diminutive in stature. 

Smaller than a giant but larger than a gnome.

[Tortuga]

2 hours ago, Bjern said:

Well it's never going to be perfect, but diacritics would make it considerably easier for English language learners (and English is the most learned language). Otherwise, how would you explain how "giant", "gnome", and "grumpy" are different?

See?

You are a critic, once a critic always a critic, you'll probably die a critic.....

[Raven]

1 hour ago, Tortuga said:

See?

You are a critic, once a critic always a critic, you'll probably die a critic.....

I prefer to think of it more on the lines of connoisseur.