Jokes

[byronebula]

The sharing of marriage...

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife . He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them

...... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered 'THE TEETH.'

[idclair]

This is especially for you, Bob.

[Musky]

Byronebula and idclair! Those were both great!

[Good-O]

Byronebula and idclair! Those were both great!

Yes, I enjoyed both of the jokes also. Thank you.

[retroHelen]

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!

An Aberystwyth couple decided to go to Tenerife to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Cardiff Airport and flew to Tenerife on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, in Carmarthen, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral where it was said that, as a minister, he was 'called to his pulpit in the sky' following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date:October 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. You will not believe how hot it is down here!!!!

[trottigy]

I loved the puch line:

"I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. You will not believe how hot it is down here!!!! "

Thanks "Hell"en ;)

[tlady]

THE HUSBAND STORE

A store that sells JW husbands has just opened in New York City,

where a sister may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions

at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the brothers increase as

the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch..........

you may choose any brother from a particular floor, or you may

choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to

exit the building!

So, a sister goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

LOL! I think I went to shop there once!

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These brothers have jobs and love Jehovah.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These brothers have jobs, love Jehovah, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These brothers have jobs, love Jehovah, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These brothers have jobs, love Jehovah, love kids, and are drop-dead good looking and helps with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!

'Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These brothers have jobs, love Jehovah, are currently serving as shepherds of the flock, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists

solely as proof that sisters are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building,

and have a nice day!

[tlady]

Did you hear about a new publication called Questions Old People Ask and Forget the Answers?

That one made me roll!

[byronebula]

Why teachers drink:

[byronebula]

[byronebula]

[byronebula]

[byronebula]

[GrumpysWife]

Byron are you having a

These jokes are older than me and not funny.

[Mrs. Musky]

.....I agree, Vernalee...

[byronebula]

Really?. . . Haha. . . I just saw them recently. . . Totally cracked me up!. . . Sorry . . . .

[byronebula]

For the first time i understood why most of my high school educators were alcoholics!. . . lol

[GrumpysWife]

For the first time i understood why most of my high school educators were alcoholics!. . . lol

I think a lot of people choose alcohol because this world is so difficult, esp.because they don't have the Truth. Unfortunately even some people who have the

Truth abuse it. Life is getting more and more difficult to deal with and we have to be on guard all the time that we don't fall into Satan's hands.

[trottigy]

Really?. . . Haha. . . I just saw them recently. . . Totally cracked me up!. . . Sorry . . . .

I just saw these a few months ago at work. It lead to an interesting conversation about education today vs. 40 to 100 yrs ago. I'll see if I can find the emails and post them.

It is sad how Satan's world has really left people uneducated and unable to reason / think.

[Brother_Bliss]

These jokes are older than me and not funny.

Actually, a couple of them gave me a chuckle. Others were major groaners though

[rocket]

OK! So we are into really OLD and worn out jokes. I have one that's probably 100 years old.

There was this Indian (American) who went to England. He fell in love with tea and decided to bring a boat load home with him. He did just so. After arriving back home he proceeded to drink the tea and could not stop. They found him the next day floating in his tepee.

Now what I have found funny for the last 50 years about the joke is that my grandfather who being of the annointed not dare say a bad word, would ruin the joke by saying wigwam.

[GrumpysWife]

OK! So we are into really OLD and worn out jokes. I have one that's probably 100 years old.

There was this Indian (American) who went to England. He fell in love with tea and decided to bring a boat load home with him. He did just so. After arriving back home he proceeded to drink the tea and could not stop. They found him the next day floating in his tepee.

Now what I have found funny for the last 50 years about the joke is that my grandfather who being of the annointed not dare say a bad word, would ruin the joke by saying wigwam.

That was funny. esp. the wigwam part.

[Brother_Bliss]

OK! So we are into really OLD and worn out jokes. I have one that's probably 100 years old.

There was this Indian (American) who went to England. He fell in love with tea and decided to bring a boat load home with him. He did just so. After arriving back home he proceeded to drink the tea and could not stop. They found him the next day floating in his tepee.

Now what I have found funny for the last 50 years about the joke is that my grandfather who being of the annointed not dare say a bad word, would ruin the joke by saying wigwam.

Lol! He didn't get that "teepee", i.e. "tea pee" was the punchline ?

[retroHelen]

Good job the joke specifies American Indian as the other 'Indians' provide England with the tea grown in their country. 50 years ago people used to call native Americans 'Red Indians' -- Does anyone know why? I'm presuming it was just a non-PC 'colour' thing we are better off without as native Americans are many Nations/ types of peoples as it turns out.

[rocket]

Good job the joke specifies American Indian as the other 'Indians' provide England with the tea grown in their country. 50 years ago people used to call native Americans 'Red Indians' -- Does anyone know why? I'm presuming it was just a non-PC 'colour' thing we are better off without as native Americans are many Nations/ types of peoples as it turns out.

I can only speak of my own experience but the phrase I grew up with was "red skins". Some what derogatory but a counter to "white eye" as they refered to white people (at least in the movies.) Some Indians have a red tint to their skin I supose, I havn't seen any myself. I have always lived on the edge of Indian reservations. In Colorado it was the Ute Indian tribe and here in Oregon there are so many tribes, I can't name them all. In my congregation there are two families from two different tribes. The tribes are still mortal enemies but the brothers are at complete peace with each other. Only in Jehovah's Organization !

Regarding the Joke. Grandfather blew the punchline on purpose because he just couldn't bring himself to say "pee", as if it was a dirty word.