JW jokes

[jpcook]

Johnny Carson once joked: "My Avon Lady became a Jehovah's Witness... now she knocks on my door twice as much!"

[BlueRose]

How a JW brother propose a Sister for marriage ?

"U are beautiful like the new world translation of the Holy Scriptures

U walk proudly as baptism candidate

U have bright teeth as the watchtower papers

Your beauty is like the memorial day

Missing U is like missing paradise

I love U like my field service bag

U are paradise.

My heart is stick to u so i can have eternal life.

Would u marry me?"

I love all the posts that everyone has shared on this!!! This one is particularly cute----"I love you like my field service bag"! LOL!

[carribbeangrl01]

As Avon person and jw I can get a good laugh out o that one

Johnny Carson once joked: "My Avon Lady became a Jehovah's Witness... now she knocks on my door twice as much!"

[Shawnster]

As Avon person and jw I can get a good laugh out o that one

Johnny Carson once joked: "My Avon Lady became a Jehovah's Witness... now she knocks on my door twice as much!"

Actually, my mother was both a Witness and an Avon lady when I was between 4 and 5 years old. We'd go out in service in the morning and Avon in the afternoon.

[Musky]

Actually, my mother was both a Witness and an Avon lady when I was between 4 and 5 years old. We'd go out in service in the morning and Avon in the afternoon.

She should have combined the two and left an Avon catalog inside the magazines she placed! J/K

[loginphp]

This is true.

My wife and a sister were at a door once and the sister said "Hello sir, we are here to offer you the latest Watchtower and Awake!"

The man get's angry and says "What!? What do you mean watch my weight!!? I got enough magazines telling me to watch my weight!"

In a furry ball of laughter the sister then corrected him and calmed him down and things were good from there!

[Musky]

That's great Marcus!

When I was 18, I went to Virginia to pioneer where the great were needed.

The second day I was there, I knocked on a door and an older man answered. When he saw me he asked "Are you a Jehovah's Witness"?

I said "yes" and he said "Just one minute, I need to get something" and he left the door open and went back inside. Well, I heard him rummaging around noisily in another room and imagined him coming back with a shotgun or something.

He came back to the door dragging the top section of an outdoor flagpole with a huge flag attached. You could see where it had been torched off from the rest of the pole.

When he finally got it to the door he said "Will you salute that? If you will, I will listen to you" Trying to keep from laughing at the ridiculousness of keeping half a flagpole in your closet, I tried explaining why I wouldn't salute it, but he dramatically slammed the door after fighting to get the pole and flag back inside.

[Hallett 82]

That's great Marcus!

When I was 18, I went to Virginia to pioneer where the great were needed.

The second day I was there, I knocked on a door and an older man answered. When he saw me he asked "Are you a Jehovah's Witness"?

I said "yes" and he said "Just one minute, I need to get something" and he left the door open and went back inside. Well, I heard him rummaging around noisily in another room and imagined him coming back with a shotgun or something.

He came back to the door dragging the top section of an outdoor flagpole with a huge flag attached. You could see where it had been torched off from the rest of the pole.

When he finally got it to the door he said "Will you salute that? If you will, I will listen to you" Trying to keep from laughing at the ridiculousness of keeping half a flagpole in your closet, I tried explaining why I wouldn't salute it, but he dramatically slammed the door after fighting to get the pole and flag back inside.

That is too funny. When you mentioned the posibility of a shotgun coming out . .I have had that experience. Police had to attend a 'nutter' who threatened.

Just remember . . a hacked off flagpole stuffed unceremoniously into a closet is probably the RIGHT way to have a flag of ones great nation. Who really showed the greater disrespect.? ;)

[Musky]

That is too funny. When you mentioned the posibility of a shotgun coming out . .I have had that experience. Police had to attend a 'nutter' who threatened.

I had that happen once also. In the Hollywood hills. In one fluid motion a guy whipped the door open and shoved an automatic pistol right in my nose. The end of the barrel was actually right up against the end of my nose. It seemed he was expecting someone else and looked a little disappointed when he realized I was not that person, he pulled the gun back, said "sorry" and slammed the door. I wanted to knock again and beg to use his bathroom, because I can tell you, I really had to go after that! But I thought better of it!

[Hallett 82]

. . . . . In the Hollywood hills. : . . . . .

Ah . . so you met Jerry Seinfeld then . . .

[Musky]

I have, but not at his home

[button_masher]

Not so much a joke, but fun none the less.

You might be a JW if....

If "pioneer" is not a stereo, "new light" is not something in the housewares department, and "tract" has

nothing to do with land or farming.

If "Memorial Day" isn't in May.

If you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball,

and didn't even have a beer.

If you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits.

If you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.

If you know the cleanliness of every coffee

shop for four towns around.

If you think 2-door vehicles aren't really great cars.

If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how

comfortable they will need to be while walking residential

streets in 95-degree heat.

If you have a tendency to refer to books by

color instead by title.

If you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read,

without picking up a pencil or highlighter too.

If you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as "a study".

If you have "get-togethers" rather than "parties".

If you realize things are getting worse, and you're thrilled.

(apologies if this has been posted before)

[Hammerhead]

How do you know when its really cold out? Jehovah's Witnesses stick to the metal on the screen doors

[Hammerhead]

Heard that on radio

[Musky]

A Witness walks into a bar

A drunk walks into a bar shaking his head. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The drunk says: "It's those Jehovah's Witnesses!! Everywhere I go I run into one. It's downright freaky!!!"

"Well, you're safe in here. No Witness will walk into this bar at this time of night." said one patron. The whole bar burst into laughter at that idea. "Yeah! If one of them Bible thumpers came in here it would have to be the hand of God." said another. More laughter and table slapping.

Suddenly the door opened and a clean shaven man in a nice suit walked in with a briefcase in his hand. The bar became so silent you could hear a mouse breathe.

The man looked around and smiled at everyone, put his briefcase down and said: "Hello, I was in the neighborhood and...". that's as far as he got. He placed all the literature in his bag and started several bible studies.

After everyone had left, the brother turned to the bartender and said: "Can I use your phone? As I was saying before, I was

in the neighborhood and my tire went flat and my cell phone died. You were the only place I could find close enough that was open."

[barbara10]

I just heard a cute one - but it is supposedly true:

A young brother was working with the CO in the ministry. At the first door, the CO asked the little brother if he (the CO) should take the first door. Young brother replied, "No, I'll take it."

He knocked at the door, and a householder answered. The young brother asked him if he knew Superman. The CO started groaning inward.

The Householder said "why, yes, I do." "Do you know his name?" asked the little brother.

HH: Yes, it's Clark Kent.

Young witness: Do you know God?

HH: Yes, I do.

Young witness: Do you know His name?

Silence.

Young witness: You mean you know the name of someone who doesn't exist, but God who exists, you don't know His name?

Lesson learned.

[Shawnster]

A pair of Witnesses were working rural territory one morning, quite a distance away from town. The witnesses had been out in service for a while and needed to find a bathroom for a break. They reasoned that a kind householder may let them use their bathroom. They stopped at one house and knocked but received no answer. As they left, they noticed the outhouse behind the residence. Since nobody was home, the Witnesses decided to just use the outhouse.

As the Witnesses opened the outhouse door, they found the homeowner sitting there. The homeowner looked at the Witnesses and exclaimed:

"You people don't miss any door, do you?"

[Bheki]

Thats a gud one my brother, i wil use it

[jpcook]

A Witness walks into a bar

A drunk walks into a bar shaking his head. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The drunk says: "It's those Jehovah's Witnesses!! Everywhere I go I run into one. It's downright freaky!!!"

"Well, you're safe in here. No Witness will walk into this bar at this time of night." said one patron. The whole bar burst into laughter at that idea. "Yeah! If one of them Bible thumpers came in here it would have to be the hand of God." said another. More laughter and table slapping.

Suddenly the door opened and a clean shaven man in a nice suit walked in with a briefcase in his hand. The bar became so silent you could hear a mouse breathe.

The man looked around and smiled at everyone, put his briefcase down and said: "Hello, I was in the neighborhood and...". that's as far as he got. He placed all the literature in his bag and started several bible studies.

After everyone had left, the brother turned to the bartender and said: "Can I use your phone? As I was saying before, I was

in the neighborhood and my tire went flat and my cell phone died. You were the only place I could find close enough that was open."

That's great Chuck... that's what you call a "hook"

[carolina]

Nice joke!!

[carolina]

That's a good one! My grandson like it love it very much!

[JAMESANDI]

Your beauty is like the memorial day

Missing U is like missing paradise

that's awesome[color=#3300FF] !!!:bible:

[Qapla]

Two Brothers were standing at the door waiting for an answer to their knock. They could hear sounds coming from inside and "knew" someone must be home. After knocking a second time they decided to continue down the street.

As they turned to leave one of the Brothers called through the door that they had come to share a scripture with the house and named the scripture and told whoever was in the house to look it up.

As he started down the steps he heard a soft voice answer through the door asking him to read Gen 3:10

“Your voice I heard in the garden, but I was afraid because I was naked and so I hid myself.

[James the Less]

An experience that highlights our unique terminology...

An older sister in my circuit told me once that after her husband passed away, she used to visit her husband's grave often, and quite often she would take along her Bible and use the opportunity to share the resurrection hope with others who may be at the cemetery. One time, she was having a conversation with another elderly woman who was very distraught over losing her brother, whom she was quite close to, when the lady said,"It just seems unfair that he had to be snatched away from us to be a spirit." The sister replied (think of this literally), "Yes, I used to feel the same way when I was in the world." The lady nearly fainted.

A not so true one, but still funny...

Two sisters decided to meet up for coffee. One of the sisters had been out in the door-to-door ministry for the morning, while the other sister had gone on a Bible study. They sat down, and a waiter approached just as the sister who had gone on a Bible study asked the other sister how her morning went. The only part of the conversation the waiter caught was when the sister replied, "I was stuck on the door when the lady brought up blood."

[nonee]

Probably a pioneer way behind in his time! ;-)