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I have been in so much emotional pain since learning of my eldest daughter's prognosis of 3 months to live. On Friday my next daughter, 14 months younger, had a bad fall. That night she began vomiting blood. By the time they found the source and were able to stop it, they had a hard time saving her life. She lost a lot of blood but she refused all blood products. Her condition has continued to decline and now is on life support, in liver and kidney failure and cannot breathe on her own. The doctor said that it was a 50/50 chance that she would make it but he sounded very grim. If they even try to move her, her blood pressure drops so low that her heart stops and they have to do CPR. The doctor said that even if she comes out of the sedation, her liver and mind will only get worse. There is no hope of recovery for her. She and her older sister, both baptized, were born 14 months apart and it seems like they will go to sleep within the same amount of time. The family doesn't know what to do because even coming out of the sedation, she will continue to decline until the next time she has the same event that will end her life. Both my girls love Jehovah and have faith in the resurrection. This daughter lost her own beloved daughter suddenly 6 years ago. How do you take your child off life support, even when it will end more guaranteed suffering? That is our only choice, knowing that. This is what we have to decide in the next few days. Please give us your prayers. 🙏🙏🙏

Today, my father will attend a meeting after 35 years being removed... 🙏

My son-in-law took his life in front of his wife, my first daughter. She has recently been diagnosed with 3 months to live. I have lost parents, a brother, my only sibling, 2 grandchildren, and husband of 67 years, but this will be my first loss of a child. I strongly look forward to the resurrection to see them all again. 💔

I’ve put quite a few letter writing templates from various brother and sisters in my congregation together in 1 google doc if anyone wants them. Here’s the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-32HmJ4kjwJ5gLlAgddrXQAhmUQLgWc8bhvhTXc5gTY/edit

Ok, I'm moving back to Japan in early december ! I finally got my document

I attended a ceremony for a sister who passed away recently. Cancer. In November last year, she was still pioneering 99 hours... She was really something. Strong faith.

A huge loss to the forum that PJDriver is no longer here. Will miss U!

Dear brothers,it is a beautiful thing to be back to you again,I have really missed your company very much having been away for some few days,I have been thinking very much about you and I want you to know that you mean so much to me, please know that.

New profile pic time! My wife drew my portrait, Star Trek: Lower Decks style! 😎

I’ve redesigned and improved the Halloween booklet some of you loved last year. It’s available now (for free) on my Ko-Fi store: https://ko-fi.com/hyperactivecreations ScreenRecording_10-16-2024 2-26-59 pm_1.mov

we lost a young bro. this pas sunday kreed pyland is now in jehovah memory

I got in the water yesterday <3!!!! As a small joke I asked some of the brothers and sisters in my congregation how long do I have to wait for me to receive all the answers to questions I'll be asked in the future lol.

I have special news. We have a couple, fresh from that special school for kingdom publishers, ( cannot think of the proper name) Anyway, they are on their way here, and are attending our meetings by Zoom. We may have, 20 attending our meetings. And, with one elder moving on to his new assignment in the heavens, one, having to move out of our area, because of health issues, the pickings got lean, elder-wise. In fact, downright scary. Jehovah provides. Today, we have 5 elders, plus our new couple joining our congregation. Maybe 8 pioneers. I feel like Jehovah has given our little congregation wings!

I spent the whole day at Bethel today. What an encouragement our dear, dedicated, hard-working Bethel brothers have given our congregation! I want to go there more often. I want to serve there, if it pleases Jehovah. 💖

Last Sunday's Watchtower is now one of my all time favourites. Felt like it was written just for me.

New appartment is confirmed ! Thank you Jehovah ! Now everything is ready for our moving abroad !

Just e-visited our maybe future appartment this morning. It's nice. A bit expensive but there isn't much choice in the area, we will pray so that Jehovah convince the owner to lower it a bit

Moving to Japan in less than a month now, almost everything is ready.

So I will be going on a break from the forum for sometime,just to clear my head.Please don't worry about me as I will be doing just fine. I will miss you all and I will always love you brothers and sisters,with a true love, you're my family.

Dear Sweet Friends, Just wanted to give a little encouragement to anyone reading this who also struggles with depression, feelings of worthlessness, and grief. You are not alone, you are loved, and you are needed. Just keep holding on, don't give up! We are going to make it, together! Big Bear Hugs 🧸

Welcome John (Qapla) as a Moderator ensuring and adding to safe environment for all 🥰

Now that the convention season has begun, spare a thought for us who try our hardest to attend theocratic gatherings, but find them more painful and cumbersome than enjoyable. Us who struggle with concentration, us who struggle with the noise levels and social contact during breaks because we are neurodivergent, us who struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression, loneliness. If we could choose, we would be somewhere completely different. But we are there because like you, we love Jehovah.

Made it down to 200 pounds, on the dot this morning! Been about 4 years since I've seen the 100s. Hope to see it tomorrow!! 😁 We have 3 others in our congregation losing weight too. It's so motivational!

Finally gave my first public talk!

Updated the Letter Writing Templates with Memorial and Special Talk letters. Free Letter Writing Templates

Brother, I have always enjoyed your passion for the truth, and your spiritual insight. You are a brother with strong, firm convictions, and you have no doubt touched countless people’s lives. You will be missed, brother! Elijah

was going to do some stuff but now I'm just going to put off in tell next year

This is an update to my auxiliary pioneer goals. We recently had our circuit visit and I had the CO couple over for lunch. I expressed my goals and my fears and they encouraged me so much. I felt Jehovah's love. I am still petrified and nervous of failure 🤪. But I am leaving that with Jehovah. Long story short - I reached a stepping stone and am now auxiliary pioneering consecutively. And in the process with the CO couple's encouragement I am back in the Sign Language field. We have now 3 deaf ladies attending the meetings all of which commenced in the past month!!! All thanks to Jehovah! We have our assembly coming up and I have been asked to assist with SL interpretation and cleaning 🙂. I struggle with anxiety. But weirdly exposing myself to things have made me happier. When I am nervous I usually say to myself "okay Jehovah, let's do this". Just by saying that I don't feel alone. Still nervous and scared but at least it feels like Jehovah has my back when my nerves tell me to quit. Now it's all about strengthening and maintaining my new "rhythm" so to speak.

I did it! Took me 12 years to finally attempt to make this childhood dish that my mom loved to make. And boy it came out great! I'm ashamed I waited so long. Sausage & corn chowder.

Update to my last status update: I have finished the study with my cousin. She is interested in continuing and moving on. She seems pretty excited and curious about what she's going to be learning and how she can live her life better. Though she was like me and the whole "We have to take things one step at a time" bummed her out like it did to me, but i let her know it's for the best lol. We also let her pour out all her feelings on how she's been feeling the past few years (We had a few deaths in the family including my mom, her brother, and our grandmother), so she's still in shambles. We're giving her the proper tools and guidance that she needs. Waiting for her to have her first meeting one day soon <3

(Busts into the forums) I GOT MY FIRST BIBLE STUDY THURSDAY!!! It's only my cousin but baby steps!

I would like to extend a gratitude to those who contribute to Gems topic here on the forum, some of the comments are absolutely GEMS! 💎 Thank you again.

The story of my life is that I have to behave better than everyone else and I still end up getting treated like I'm the only one who does anything wrong.

Our cong is preparing a meal for the students in pioneer school. I cried at pio school when the first meal was brought. Jah's people are so organized and hospitable.

I attended the "Declare The Good News" convention this past weekend. (No Spoilers). I did not intend it being life changing and I thank Jehovah incredibly for reaching out to me with this convention! It felt like Jehovah heard me. (He always does for us all 🙂). For too long I felt like I did not matter. It's a long story but to cut it short it basically boils down to very bad and hard knocks due to things beyond my control. I ended my full time ministry and all that went with it because my nervous system was done. I needed a reset. I felt like Elijah when he hid and felt that he was alone. But the same way Jehovah sustained Elijah - Jehovah nourished and sustained me, even when I felt like I could not anymore. Little by little, just enough to keep my head above water (although sometimes I swallowed some water) but not too much that I felt overwhelmed. Jehovah NEVER gave up on me, even if I gave up on myself. I never lost the feeling of wanting to serve Jehovah as a pioneer. It is part of me. But after all the right hooks given by life and then feeling like a failure because I ended my full time service and coupled with discouragement when I swallowed water while I thought I was drowning - I did not think I mattered anymore. But I continued serving Jehovah because like Peter once said "Lord, whom shall we go away to?". Jehovah has given me a reason to exist and I could not and will never let go of it. And as stated, Jehovah during this dark period has made it very evident that He is with me. At this convention Jehovah made it crystal clear to me that I do matter and that he thinks I am worthy of reaching my goal, no matter what happened and no matter anyone's opinion (especially my own opinion of myself). I felt seen by our God. It has given me this strong desire to act. I know where I would like to be in my service to Jehovah, always have but now I feel empowered. I start auxiliary pioneering in September. I got approved last night. And if it goes well next month and I feel good, I will continue consecutively. Hopefully I will reach my goal of being a regular pioneer again in the next year. I will take it slow and keep it steady. Now it's all about keeping fed and building up that muscle again. I know Jehovah is backing me. We are very fortunate to be a guest in our Father's tent. ❤️

Day 1 of Pioneer Service school

After visiting our son at Walkill last week, really got a better understanding of these young men. Really feel for them in trying to navigate Bethel life, personal desires and things commonplace to youth. The majority are fine young men trying their best!

Loved weekend public talk it was on being forgiveness what it is and what it not but the point that stuck with me was when you see the person who hurt you how do u fill about them f if you have resentment then you have not forgiven them

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i cut my talk to short it was a 15-minute talk mad it a 6-minute talk. well everyone like it

The Daily Text reminded me of how "cheated" I felt/feel when I lost my Mom just after the pandemic lockdown. I didn't get the usual comfort God's people are known for during times of distress. I feel sorry for anyone who has to grieve that kind of loss alone. Jesus came all that way to comfort Martha and Mary, not required, but he knew they needed that "in-person" attention. I had a few friends in our congregation express their condolences over a zoom memorial we arranged for my Mom, and I got a couple text messages and a couple cards. Those were very appreciated. One sister even delayed texting intentionally, because she knew how hard it can be to have all the support/comfort in the immediate days after the loss but then to have nothing after that. That was so insightful of her. Others, I know, just couldn't be of much comfort to me, because they were going through their own distresses (loss, sickness, lockdown, etc.). Mom always said she was going to live forever. That she wasn't going to die. She put up a strong fight for over 20 years, battling multiple cancers on top of an inherited crippling neuromuscular disease. She made it 66 years despite all that and more. There's nobody like my Mom, I miss her everyday and it still hurts so much.

2021 to current Another update—maybe you remember some of this. My husband worked through the pandemic but lost his job once it ended. I got a part-time job in real estate and property management in BC. He found work again, but in 2023, the girls' mom passed away, which deeply affected our family. Our eldest struggled with suicidal thoughts, but with therapy, congregation support, and shepherding visits, we got through it. My husband eventually quit his job since I had the more stable career, and he now stays home with the girls. Recently, he’s been struggling with diabetes and had to go to the hospital due to cellulitis. I’m the main breadwinner, and sometimes I feel like a Weeble wobble—knocked down but popping back up. My service time took a hit, but Zoom meetings and supportive sisters keep me going. With real estate slowing down, I had to cut back at work, which freed up Fridays. Now I have three full days for service. After five long years of feeling stuck, I finally asked for and received some territory to work. The dog still lives! (Ecc 9:4) From 2016-2021.... In the last five years, I went from a full-time employee in a high-stress job, to found a tumour in my chest, then went back to work. Had a full hysterectomy (no wimpy laparoscopy for me, always gotta do everything the hard way) after they discovered a pumpkin sized growth in my uterus, my husband lost his job, twice. His Dad died, and mine had emergency surgery. My aunt died. Adopted two children, and then moved one province over and 1400 km away (it was a fantastic move) Got bit up by the family dog and needed 18 stitches, had to put him down because he had a brain tumour. Started homeschooling during a pandemic. I have to say Jehovah ❤️ is good. He's sustained me through one trial after another, and I haven't lost my sanity yet.

Some of the sisters had a luncheon today and i was invited. I was told that we were gonna bring our go bags to show. My chunky self thought they meant a to go bag to put left over food in 😩.

Feels nice to be back in Japan

(Up at 5 am due to the scary hurricane 😩😩😭😭😭)

Our Convention is finished 😭It went by so fast! Time to take everything down and send it to Liverpool for next weekend. IMG_4911.mov IMG_4910.mov

I feel like I'm drifting aimlessly. And I don't know how to hold on anymore. So many things have crossed my mind. In the past I had issues drinking alcohol. I'd drink until I was drunk and then pass out. Those "cravings" are starting up again with my depression. I am so tired of this life. I've got so much trauma that I'm trying to recover from but it's impossible. You don't know the whole story of my life and if I told you, you'd be surprised. I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Worldly family whom I thought were family and close to me aren't. I don't feel like I can get close to the congregation that I'm in. I've tried and tried. Though, there is one elder and his wife that I talk to regularly via text messaging.

NO ONE understands how I feel. Telling me that I don't need to have a bible study makes me upset. You don't know how bad I've been. I just hope that Jehovah will remember me when I die, even though I'm leaving the Truth. I can't do this anymore. I don't have any strength left. I TRIED!!!!!!!!! But I had NO HUMAN HELP I won't be posting here anymore. Nor will I be reading any messages or comments directed at me. Goodbye. I love you all even though you've made me feel like a complete and utter loser

Our little congregation. Some 30 publishers. Eight full time pioneers, two remote Bethelites, one, dear, dear brother, at our new site. (One with a lake) Two of the pioneers are from Brazil. (Married into our congregation) A new elder. Now four. We are small, but, I feel this little congregation is so very blessed.

I think we've chosen of future congregation. It's almost decided now. It's exciting.